tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27786237864562160392024-03-19T06:30:46.085-04:00Two's Company. Three's a Family.Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.comBlogger173125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-40709862158690482252015-06-05T22:46:00.002-04:002015-06-05T22:46:36.478-04:00Hello, again.It's been a while. Way too long. Like 6 months too long.<br />
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The up-to-date-ing will definitely be broken up as 6m is way too much to pack into a single post.<br />
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Life has really been a whirlwind since Lucy's birth (probably before it if I'm totally honest). Ups and downs, lots of highs and possibly more lows. Lots of beginnings and too many ends.<br />
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There are other reasons I haven't written other than time because in truth, I could make time to do a few sentences if I had really wanted to. There were times that I came close, but just couldn't. I'm pretty certain I had a decent spell of PP depression. Whether that was compounded or caused by a host of issues including finances, nursing issues, reflux and dairy intolerance (for which I went and still am dairy-free in my diet) from Lucy, I'm not sure. I am sure that there was lots of crying in this house, though I don't know which of us 2 cried more.<br />
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Things would get better, then something would happen, and BAM- down I went. Some times it was something big, but mostly not. I felt guilty a lot for not truly enjoying Lucy like I did Em in that newborn honeymoon phase. Once the reflux and screaming/crying kicked up at ~2.5w, I was doubting myself as a mother, our decision to have a 2nd, everything almost.<br />
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Things got a bit better around 4-5m PP. Then lil miss over-achiever decides to start army crawling. Yes, at 5m. I was already having huge issues coming to terms with being done. This kid seems to feel the need to shove it back in my face by being in such a hurry to grow up and not let me revel in this last age of babydom. That hasn't slowed down any, either. She was sitting unassisted at 6m. Full on hands and knees crawling before 7m. Teeth at 7m. Pulling up at 7.5m. Edging before 8m. And now, just shy of 9m, she's been trying to stand unassisted and walk. She just doesn't understand "SLOW DOWN!"<br />
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Em is growing way too fast as well. She already get sarcasm. Can dress herself from head to toe on her own. Use the bathroom all alone. Grasp hard concepts like relationships like grandma= daddy's mom and aunt is cousin's mom, and harder ones like illness and death. She's been Forward facing in dad's car for a while now and about to turn in mine. Helps with chores, some unassisted and other big kid things that make me want to cry and cradle her like a newborn again.<br />
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The IF jealousy, frustration, and spite/rage have returned as people I know get knocked up on accident from just 1 time and other fertile-myrtle crap. I've also had to revisit the loss emotions in comforting several friends as they endured heart-wrenching losses- a missed miscarriage that required 2 D&Cs and a miscarriage from a surprise pregnancy after testicular cancer surgery and chemo treatment. That was all topped off with a friend of a friend (who lives a few neighborhoods over from me) having her labor end in a stillbirth.<br />
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While there has been so much joy in my life these last 6m, there has been so incredibly much loss and heartache. The biggest of which was the news my FIL had lung cancer, followed by it metastasizing to his liver, chemo not fully working and it spreading to his brain and bones which radiation helped with slightly until it spread systemically. We got the call at the tail end of good friend's wedding that we needed to go visit ASAP if we wanted to say goodbye. He passed 2 days later on May 4th. I still hurt for the Boy, for Em, for Lucy who will never really remember him, for my MIL who lost her best friend of almost 43yrs and for his faithful choc lab that is still waiting by the windows and doors for him to come home over a month later. Telling and explaining it to Emma was quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Seeing her cry at his viewing about killed me. I still can't talk or write about any of that without immediately welling up with tears if not full blown crying or sobbing.<br />
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As it is now 10:30pm, I'm crying and have a headache from the immensity of those last 4 paragraphs, have been sleeping for crap due to a teething almost-9 month old, and need to go nurse said child to sleep now, I'll wind this "quick update" post that turned word- and emotion-vomit up.<br />
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Hello, again, blogging world. I've missed so much! Enjoy this picture.<br /><br /><span id="goog_247925291"></span><br />
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<span id="goog_247925290"></span>Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-44260898619495668542014-11-24T22:14:00.000-05:002014-11-24T22:14:05.693-05:00Lucy's birth story<div style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19.3199996948242px; margin-bottom: 6px;">
Only 2m late...</div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.3199996948242px;">I swore baby girl #2 would come early. They say subsequent babies tend to come sooner than 1st. I had been having strong Braxton hicks for almost half the pregnancy where I only really had them towards the end with Emma. Plus, so many people kept commenting on how she looked lower every few days. I even had the upset GI issues around 38w for 2 days and a few days that I felt “different.” It was hard to tell if I lost my mucus plug as I had pretty constant discharge the last 3 months. By 39w, I had resigned to being pregnant for next to forever and hoping not to be super late past due date. I was sure that baby was head down (as she had been for over a month now) as well as posterior based on belly mapping. Chiropractic and some home exercises didn’t get her to turn anterior.</span></div>
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The morning of September 10th, I woke up and used the bathroom, per the usual morning routine at this point. Except it wasn’t quite a normal urination, more like an open-closed valve instead of tapering off. Other than seeming odd, I felt fine and got myself and Emma ready. Strangely enough, I posted in a FB group that morning about being worried I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference be<span style="line-height: 19.3199996948242px;">tween all the strong brackton hicks I had been having for months now and real contractions.</span></div>
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I started feeling “off” on the way to Em’s daycare, but dropped her off and headed into work. I wanted to wrap a few things up and planned to leave shortly after getting there, so I parked behind the building instead of the parking deck. Besides, I didn't want to walk all the way from the deck to the building.</div>
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Shortly after getting to work, the brackton hicks started up again, but a bit stronger feeling that usual. They actually seemed to be almost regular, so I started timing them. They were about 10 min apart and actually regular. I started thinking this could be it. By 10:30a, they were closer to 6-8 min apart and getting a bit stronger, lasting about 20-30 seconds each. Since things were picking up, I sent my doula a text as well as my MW with those numbers. The MW was finishing up at another birth and would head to our place when finished. I left work a bit before 11:30a after passing off all the urgent and critical work items and emailing my boss and the other PhD in the lab that I was heading home early as I thought this could be it. Plus, my co-workers were starting to freak that I’d give birth in the lab.</div>
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I had been texting with Chris throughout the morning and when I was getting ready to leave work, he was going to leave work to pick up Emma from daycare. I got home and brought out the hot/cold pack from the freezer and birth ball as contraction intensity had picked up on the ride home. I found I had to do a good bit of side swaying or bouncy squats through them since it was all in my lower back and the birth ball was not helping to relieve the discomfort. I started vocalizing with some low “ooo”s. Emma, who was home by this point and watching cartoons, apparently didn’t appreciate my sounds and told me to “stop singing like a cow mommy!” She also very much wanted to help with putting the heat pack that was thawing on my back, which started to piss me off as it was sooo cold!</div>
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At around noon, the MW called to say she was leaving from the other birth and on her way to our house. The assistant MW was also on her way. I went to change from my clothes into a sleep dress that was super light, soft and comfortable. During that time, my doula arrived, and I filled her on how I was feeling and how uncomfortable the back labor was. She heated up her more awesome heat pad and started doing counter pressure, which I had to tell her to push harder on to help with the pain. During this, Chris was getting the foam mattress covered and into the dining room and moved the dining table to the wall by the back door.</div>
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About 12:30p, the asst MW arrived. The contractions were really getting intense and about 2-3min apart. I was really having to concentrate through them as leaning on the counters and swaying and squatting wasn’t as effective as it was before. I felt a pressing urge to go pee, so went to the bathroom. I didn’t really pee but rather had show, so I kept my underwear off at this point. I informed the ladies in the kitchen, and the asst MW started getting everything prepped. I asked Chris to put the dogs out and close the curtains, and either the MW or doula turned out the lights. This is where things get a bit fuzzy for me, so I was likely in transition.</div>
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The asst MW was having a bit of trouble getting a heart beat on the Doppler so asked if I could lay down for her. A really strong contraction came on and the pain from the back labor caused me to pretty much collapse onto the mat anyways. The heartbeat was good and strong still as I was lying in a sort of child’s pose position. I started to have a few light urges to push and the asst MW said to gently do what my body felt it needed. So different and much much better than being told at the hospital with Emma to just breathe through them and not push. After a few light pushes the urge started getting stronger. Somewhere during this my absolute favorite moment occurred and one of the few clear memories I have after the show. Emma came up to me on the mat whiel I was lying down, stroked my hair and gently said “you are doing good, mommy. I love you,” kisses my forehead, and then walks off the mattress.T</div>
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<span style="line-height: 19.3199996948242px;">The asst MW was taking vitals again when my MW arrived just shortly before 1p. As she was updating the MW and started saying “but her water hasn’t broken yet.” Right then, a strong contraction came on and when I pushed with it, my water broke, right at her and the doula. Things were really bustling at this point! Chris had been doing great at keeping Em occupied and at this point, she was so interested and was a bit down from the mat watching the whole thing intently. I remember calling out “I think she’s coming!” to which the MWs replied “uh, yeah, she’s crowning!” I called for Chris to come hold my hand and the doula took over Emma duty. I pushed 2 or 3, maybe 4 times max. After the 2nd or 3rd push the MW told me to make the next one count as baby needed to come out (I don’t remember her exact wording or reason). I did and baby girl came flying out at 1:09p.<br /></span></div>
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<br />She was placed immediately on my chest and given a bit of a rub down after which we were covered up with towels. Emma came over and we got to introduce her to her new baby sister. The MW filled me in on her emergence while we waited for the placenta to be delivered- the 1st view of her head was the crown, but the 2nd was her face. She was sunny-side up! She was posterior, just as I though, and the back labor was from. Emma got to help Chris cut the cord, and the MW did a print of the placenta with her. During this time, we decided on her name. Lucy Arden as she didn’t look like a Charlie Jean to me at all.</div>
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The asst MW started making me scrambled eggs and bacon, which Emma ate all the bacon slices. The MW started getting Lucy’s stats and recording her various measurements. At some point shortly after, my mom stopped by, uninvited, as Chris sent everyone a pic text and my mom is technologically challenged and 8min away. Shortly after she left, I moved from the kitchen to my bed. I was still bleeding pretty good and had one big gush that made me light-headed so I got an injection of Pitocin in my thigh. Other than that, the MWs were cleaning up and stayed in the kitchen until leaving around 430/5p.</div>
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Lucy’s home birth was so incredible, and I couldn't imagine having done it not surrounded by my little family! (Also, I realized a few weeks after, I wasn't checked once during this pregnancy, so I have no clue where I was when I went into labor <i class="_4-k1 img sp_5Em_GKHOCoP sx_de2a21" style="background-image: url(https://fbstatic-a.akamaihd.net/rsrc.php/v2/yg/r/N74Yz5v6w2Z.png); background-position: 0px -7986px; background-repeat: no-repeat; background-size: auto; display: inline-block; height: 16px; vertical-align: -3px; width: 16px;"></i> )</div>
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Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-28747631152438909402014-10-04T22:46:00.000-04:002014-10-04T22:46:46.762-04:00And 4 is Something Else Entirely!It's been quite a while since my last post. The last several months of this pregnancy went by way too fast. I hadn't really felt up to writing. I didn't really know what to write without constantly complaining, was unmotivated to write, and was scraping the barrel when it came to energy in the evenings after work and then wrangling a toddler.<br />
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All but the complaining still hold true with some bonus reasons, but I had to share this.<br />
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Lucy Arden was born at home on 9/10 at 1:09pm.<br />
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6lbs 11oz</div>
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20.25"</div>
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Her labor was pretty quick as well. About 4hrs in total. Except for the back labor and posterior presentation, Lucy's birth was pretty similar to Em's. Similar length of time, bloody show shortly before birth, water broke right before pushing, and a similar sized baby born 2d before her due date.<br />
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Em is in love with her sister, maybe a bit too much. I'm tired, but recovery has been great; healing was much quicker than it was after Em, even through Lucy came sunny-side up. Lucy is growing well, but has some silent reflux issues and had an upper lip and tongue tie that we had taken care of this past Thursday.<br />
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I'm not going to lie and say things are happy and perfect. Far from it. Breastfeeding has been alright, but the crying has been really trying. I will admit that there have been moments where I've felt like breaking down and that having a 2nd might have been a mistake. In clearer moments, I'm head over heels in love with Lucy. I love the interaction between the girls.<br />
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<br />Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-40630404338853876722014-06-04T21:16:00.002-04:002014-06-04T21:16:23.570-04:00Mixed emotions about it allIt's been a while... It's not that there hasn't been anything going on, but more so that I haven't had the motivation or the foggiest idea what to blog about. I really feel jumbled about life these days.<br />
<br />
My feelings about work depend on the day you ask and what co-workers have (or more likely, haven't) done.<br />
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I'm experiencing the crazy hormonal mood changes that "every" pregnant woman has very frequently, compared to the handful of times total during Em's pregnancy.<br />
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I still haven't wrapped my head around the idea of baby#2, even though the stinker moves practically non-stop, all day long. I fluctuate between being excited for a newborn again to dread of how Em will handle everything and then to fear that maybe this pregnancy was a big mistake and we're not ready for another kid yet. Just a big ol' pendulum of anxiety really.<br />
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I'm a bit disappointed about baby's gender. I really thought finding out would make me feel more connected to the being growing inside me, but I actually became a bit more detached. I really thought that since everything was soo different this preg, it was a boy. I could only think of boy names. When the sonographer showed the image on the screen of the "goods", my heart sank a bit. It took about a solid month for me to not be upset that we are having another girl. That I'll never get to experience a son. That the Hubs will never have a son to teach to be a man and will be the only guy in his family not to have a boy. I still mourn for the little boy that will never be in our family. I grieve for the loss of something that will never be. It still gets to me, like now, but overall, I've made some peace with having daughters only.<br />
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Time is flying, and things are moving too fast. There is too much to do, not enough time or energy to do it, and far too little funds in the banking account.<br />
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The house feels like it is falling apart around us. We need roof work done, had to replace gutters, really could use resurfacing the floors, a super deep clean and organize, not to mention a fresh coat of paint in all the rooms but Em's. The house and the cars are the 2 reasons are bank account is really wounded these days.<br />
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That and having to pay out of pocket for the midwife visits that will be reimbursed for by insurance, but only after the birth. Oh, and I'm panicking trying to figure out where in the house I'd want to give birth and if I want a water birth or not, a doula or not, and several other things.<br />
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Right now, Em is sick with a mild case of strep throat. I am just getting over a 36hr GI bug I had while we were out of town visiting family. Oh, and turning 31 last week.<br />
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Can I just run away from being an adult for a little bit and let things work themselves out?Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-66730213874909660242014-04-18T11:06:00.001-04:002014-04-18T11:06:43.745-04:00Busy, busyWow, I hadn't realized it's been 2 months since I last wrote. Life and work have been really busy, and I honestly haven't felt like there was much to share.<br />
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I had my 12w and 16w prenatal checks. Things look and sound good there. Saw the back-up Dr. at the hospital, took the STD urine test (all clear). Found out that I can take 15 Jelly.Belly jellybeans instead of the drink for my Glucola testing around 28w. We had just squeezed in to get the 1st tri NT screening in. Nuchal fold was in normal range, and baby was measuring perfect for date. Only negative was how uncooperative baby was; the tech nor I could get it to move much so no too many great shots that time.<br />
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During all this, work has been a crazy, busy, almost unbearable mess. I have ZERO patience for the "new" tech that started in October and still isn't up to speed or good to go on most things unsupervised. It's beyond frustrating as I can't finish everything else I need to do as I have to randomly help her finish stuff up that shouldn't have taken as long as they do because she doesn't fully listen. *Sigh*<br />
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Besides being very busy with work, a very rambunctious 2yr old who is growing by leaps and bounds (read: way way too fast!), I just haven't had much motivation to write. I haven't been feeling super connected or involved in this pregnancy. I started feeling some movements around 14/15w, but wasn't sure if it was baby or gas, even after having gone through it before. Where as I would use the doppler with Em's pregnancy every few days, I've only done it about 10x since that 1st attempt, and most of those were at Em's prompting to hear "boomp, boomp, baby heart." We decided to find out gender this time at the anatomy scan so we can either keep or sell off some of Em's old baby things, and possibly in hopes of becoming more connected to this baby. We both are really hoping for boy this time as this is likely going to be the last one, unless something miraculous happens in the future. While we'd be happy either way, as long at it's healthy, I'd like to be able to experience both. I am not having a huge feeling either way, but thinking since things are so different this time, it might be a boy.<br />
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We are 1 day into knowing, and I do feel a bit more in touch with the baby, hoping that continues as time goes on. I'll spill the beans here after we've told both sets of grandparents. For right now, we are keeping it a bit of a secret.Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-56251019778598757232014-02-13T20:55:00.000-05:002014-02-13T21:05:24.775-05:00So much stuff...So much stuff going on with life these days.<br />
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We've had 2 snow storms in the last 3wks. The 1st was nice. We had ~4in of soft, powdery snow that we had a snow day as a family to enjoy. Em loves snow. The dogs loved it, too. The 3 of them together was hilarious and adorable! It was my favorite type of snow. Came in soft and pretty and practically melted in a day or 2!<br />
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Yesterday, we got about 8in in about 4-5hrs. It was ridiculous. I left work when it started snowing, and it was coating the roads in the 5-10min it took for me to get my stuff together and get to my car. I then took 30min to make it the mile to Em's daycare that normally takes 5-10min. The rest of the drive home was unreal. We finally made it home 3hrs after leaving the care center. Can I say how much that sucked? A hungry, bored toddler stuck in the car that was pretty much not moving. She ate all my snacks, so it sucked even more as I was starving since I didn't get lunch before leaving work. I should have just stayed home yesterday. I was in the car longer than I was working, and it wasn't a super productive day. We plan to just hibernate and not leave the house unless absolutely necessary until the roads are all better and clear. I am so over this winter!<br />
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Unrelated to the weather, we've started to tell family and some very close friends about the pregnancy. While we were Sky.ping with his parents, we went over Em's stats from her 2yr appt and mentioned that she's a completely happy and healthy big sister. His mom flipped and was super excited and happy! She was hoping we were going to say something when they came up for her birthday, but things were too uncertain then. We went out that Saturday to Once.upon.a.child for their grab bag sale. I was absent-mindedly looking at the maternity clothes. My mom was talking about how they are comfortable and could be worn when not pregnant or I could get them now for if we'd need them sometime later. All I replied with was "maybe" and she came back with "Or sooner?" My reply was a sly "maybe?" That's not exactly how I had wanted to tell them, but they were excited too. She even guessed how far along I was, strangely enough.<br />
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Boy told his brother and SIL when we were over for Super Bowl Sunday. Their reactions were lukewarm at best. All his other brothers and their wives were happy and excited for us as were my sisters. Our friends that have a little girl 2w younger then Em were excited for us too. I filled my boss in since it means there are certain lab protocols I can't do any more. He was very happy for us.<br />
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Regarding work, things are going ok. Busy as usual. One of the grad students (the slacker and jinxed one) is also pregnant, 3w behind me. This should be interesting... My initial reaction was a huff and eye-roll that I had to really force to suppress. She wanted to make sure what she had to be concerned about lab-wise regarding staying safe for her and the baby. I have to applaud her on that as the last pregnant co-worker didn't seem to care about that, never mentioned it to me, and I had to bring it up after other lab members filled me in when she went FB public. [Not that mentioning concerns about reagents or protocols changed how or what that person did, at all.]<br />
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As far as my pregnancy, we are both doing good so far. I had my 1st bout of queasy and sick last weekend/early this week. I didn't eat immediately after getting up and ended up throwing up one morning. It was hard to keep eating for the rest of that day. Ick. So I've since realized that I need to eat almost constantly, but at least every 2hrs. If I wake up at night, I need to eat. When I wake up in the morning, I need to eat within 10min of waking, as well as eat breakfast with some form of protein. Prior to going to bed, I also need to eat again; lately, it's been a bagel with cream cheese. Oh, and I've had cravings this go round. I didn't' really have any with Em, but this time, there are things that I NEED to eat when I think about them or see them.<br />
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I've also meet with a Certified Nursing Midwife (CNM) in the area. She was really great, smart, and funny. She was ok with my weight, even checked Em's weight on the scale, too and took both of our blood pressures. All I have to do is sign a form when she sends it to me and do the copay, then I'll be all set for preparing for a home birth. I've researched it since I learned about them a few months after Em was born. It looks like a really good option in my situation as I had a very low risk pregnancy last time that ended in a quick and complication-less delivery. Plus, as a friend pointed out, even if the CNM isn't able to make it the house in time if this (hopeful) birth goes faster, I'll have supplies here and be in the comfort of my own home rather than popping a baby out on the side of the road. We won't have to worry about having someone to watch Em or the pets for the day or 2 we are in the hospital. Also, since this is 99% sure to be our last pregnancy and baby, I'll get the chance to experience a different birth scenario and location than the hospital. I initially looked into going to the "local" birth center, but it is about an hour drive just to get there.<br />
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I've been checking off and on with the doppler over the last week or so to see if I can pick up a heartbeat on my own. I got one with Em at a little over 9w, so was curious as to when I could catch one this time. Last night, laying in bed before trying to go to sleep, I gave it another whirl. I heard it! It sounded like a freight train. Chugga chugga chugga. Love it. Hubs wanted to see if I could catch it again this morning for Em to hear. I did eventually; she was only slightly interested. It was such a relief though to be able to hear it. In a local parenting and birth FB group, several women that are about my gestation have had missed miscarriages, and it had me a bit worried. *Sigh* I really hate loss and infertility.<br />
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And since it's been a winter wonderland/nightmare here, some obligatory snow pics!<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCnQqbb5tsDe1TRxoucE-4RpfJkYEHUBjCqOX0orDbvLZh6X2HAjIZx7iYvSt-k_1UZ6j6jzAT95raFbdtlZMUZv-jsciHWfuDD49DHJcExiu45ozLDTJHjS-8fN5A9HzWC8l_9mrEi0o/s1600/IMG_5739.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgCnQqbb5tsDe1TRxoucE-4RpfJkYEHUBjCqOX0orDbvLZh6X2HAjIZx7iYvSt-k_1UZ6j6jzAT95raFbdtlZMUZv-jsciHWfuDD49DHJcExiu45ozLDTJHjS-8fN5A9HzWC8l_9mrEi0o/s1600/IMG_5739.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Enjoying it coming down before bedtime</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">1st snowman!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4yc_8aXEsFuqMmH9lOf-eZ2oS9uzZNOLE2IJ-R5-aNvNoN7ieFhvb0xmOdW9fkFgDhP4OdTDsbsKJe_vYuN-91W7hIjXyjV86IEJkvFpHFtQWYJ58boYTDC4WfeFkWGJdbzHkN21WrKM/s1600/IMG_5771.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4yc_8aXEsFuqMmH9lOf-eZ2oS9uzZNOLE2IJ-R5-aNvNoN7ieFhvb0xmOdW9fkFgDhP4OdTDsbsKJe_vYuN-91W7hIjXyjV86IEJkvFpHFtQWYJ58boYTDC4WfeFkWGJdbzHkN21WrKM/s1600/IMG_5771.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Laundry basket sledding!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihUx9Yue4hRV00ChkTpMJBJ_5lPGxoghRCqkAmmsYDyTq_e88qXRpiMzp19_ukmKAoHIO05eFCR-JdumlluE3PmTNvo2Vv04W33wB6Un55RnamX1dOH_dumAt_0_4yfeMDbbH0Oxd2IIs/s1600/IMG_5786.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEihUx9Yue4hRV00ChkTpMJBJ_5lPGxoghRCqkAmmsYDyTq_e88qXRpiMzp19_ukmKAoHIO05eFCR-JdumlluE3PmTNvo2Vv04W33wB6Un55RnamX1dOH_dumAt_0_4yfeMDbbH0Oxd2IIs/s1600/IMG_5786.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Snow angels!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrzBmTTqe9A8CUHrKliIkM9cMAlGaCFHbYI_zUWORyXAIo0BZN-EKQOEEUZybQLoYmajle_im-wChuyRqg1Aw8hkZrOI8usfgPZIJ2Zb2UJ_cANHlV0jX5wFIDsjAzjJb0hwaNynuGUhM/s1600/IMG_5835.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrzBmTTqe9A8CUHrKliIkM9cMAlGaCFHbYI_zUWORyXAIo0BZN-EKQOEEUZybQLoYmajle_im-wChuyRqg1Aw8hkZrOI8usfgPZIJ2Zb2UJ_cANHlV0jX5wFIDsjAzjJb0hwaNynuGUhM/s1600/IMG_5835.JPG" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This afternoon's round of snow on top of the 8" we got yesterday...</td></tr>
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<br />Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-41297972535083137962014-01-23T22:55:00.000-05:002014-01-23T22:55:33.838-05:00GrowthToday was a big appointment day for us all here.<br />
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Em had her 2yr well check. She was great until things actually needed doing while there. Where it is usually hard to keep clothes on this child, she was very reluctant to take a single thing off in the office. She went ballistic for her weight check, height check and head circumference. Then, she was a peach. She's right on target for her. She's about 34in tall (48th percentile), 24lbs (25th percentile), and 47cm head circumference (43rd percentile). She's gained percentiles! She's getting so big. Too big...<br />
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She was ok for the Dr, even tolerated the stethescope better this time. Probably because we've been playing with the basic one I've had for ages at the house. She loves to listen to our "haarts, babbumph." The shot, on the other hand, she was NOT a fan of, at all. It had an equivalent effect on her as if the doctor broke her leg. She couldn't, or rather wouldn't, comfortably walk on it and kept showing and talking about her boo-boo. The stickers were a big hit, though.<br />
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My big appt was this morning. There was growth there, as well. A heartbeat, too. I was given the option of either being released back to the OB/GYN's office or coming back next week. Initially, I was going to have them transfer me back, but over the course of the walk from the exam room to the check-out counter, I had a change of heart. I go back next week for one last check. <br />
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On a last note, I realized that the 3rd anniversary of that 1st pregnancy, that 1st surprise that it was even possible, is approaching. Maybe that played in to my need for the additional scan? I'll fill you in on how that one goes. <br />
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ps- the PIO shots are the worst this time. Butt knots galore.Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-64856943732741358712014-01-19T15:54:00.002-05:002014-01-19T15:54:51.950-05:00Roller-coastersLife has been a series of roller-coasters since the holidays.<br />
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The weather has been going up and down, up, way way down and back up. It's super annoying and gives me short lived joy at the thought of a warmer winter. The worse was last week, or was it the week before, where we went from highs almost in the 70s to a high of 22 (low was in the single digits), all in the span of a day or 2. I know it's not that obscenely cold as many parts of the US (and world) are colder and snowier than that for months at a time. But NC is the South. The South isn't suppose to get that cold!! Plus, I'm irritated that we have to keep light jackets and heavy coats out and accessible because who knows which you'll need tomorrow!<br />
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On top of the weather, work has been something else. I was (am) working on a collaborative paper that has been in the works for over a year and a half now, almost 2yrs. It was so annoying to have to go back to revisit data from 2+yrs ago, even more-so due to the fact that it was spread across 2 diff computers as my old work computer died out and all my data was transferred to 2 different location and not all of it was reloaded on my current computer. Plus, a co-worker that is also one of the lead authors keeps adding and requesting new things to it. I can't write at work because of other co-workers always asking me petty little questions or mentioning trivial things, nor can I write at home as I have a 2yr old who I'd rather spend time with than write and a home that does need to be cleaned and chores needing to be done at some time. Blah. The new hire is doing a bit better, but I still find myself having to repeat and re-explain things. Maybe it has to do with that age group? I don't know, but it is super irritating and annoying.<br />
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Works not been all negative, as my boss has been pretty appreciative of things, and I feel like I've accomplished a good bit by the end of the year. Plus, work was closed from Christmas eve through New Year's day. That was 10d with Em, and they were mostly fun times! As usual, all my Christmas shopping was almost last minute. My favorite gifts were for my mom and MIL- painted handprint Santas and footprint Christmas tree and penguin with cornstarch dough. Em had a blast making those! Christmas itself was nice minus 2 things- SIL was very annoying, irritating and self-centered and Em threw the biggest tantrum of her life Christmas day. For the 1st time ever, we had to soothe her by driving around the neighborhood at 10:30 at night to get her to stop screaming and settle down to sleep. Oh man, it was something else. The rest of Christmas day was beyond fun with her though!<br />
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Of course, just for fun and just in case, I POAS Christmas morning. Not surprisingly, it was negative. No Letro.zole rx, so late ovulation on cd21. I was only 5dpo. Way, way too soon for anything to show up. Not that I thought that cycle would work any way. Here's where the super-duper stressful roller-coaster begins, think along the lines of those huge wooden, rattly, old ones...<br />
<br />
Since I used up my Letro scripts and needed to do a reconsult to get it filled, I deferred until after the holidays as I couldn't stand to have more bad news like we did back in 2010 just before Christmas. On top of that, TTC#2 has just been wearing me down. I was thinking of taking a hiatus and revisiting TTC at some point in time later in 2014. I just wasn't feeling the excitement or hopefulness of it anymore. I was getting to the point of complacency and just going through the motions. Did I even want a 2nd kid at this point? Em's pretty freakin' awesome and I love her to absolute pieces, so I don't think I'd feel incomplete or anything. Our finances are much less than ideal currently so and additional kid in daycare plus needing a new car to fit 2 carseats in would be adding new strain on our already lean bank account. I was tired of all the stress, tracking everything of my cycle, peeing on things, waiting, disappointment, more waiting. Blah...<br />
<br />
CD10 rolls around and as I've not had any single symptom one way or another- no PMS but no nausea, adversions, headaches, nothing- I decided to POAS that was laying around under the sink that evening. Of course, it would be negative!<br />
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But it wasn't. How on earth did that 2nd line get there! Also, the RE's office was closed for non-emergent appts. My Ob's office was able to fit me in for a beta and progesterone draw, and told me only after I had been there and completed it, that it would be about 2-3 business days. -.- (no other way to express it than that emoticon). Oh and did I mention that I only had 3 more suppositories? Yeah, had to get that rx filled as well, but thankfully, the compounding pharmacy was still opened and actually had some in stock!<br />
<br />
I told Hubs that evening (hey, I held out a full 24hrs this time!) with a card and a test. Then we headed out for some NYE festivities. Really great timing there as I really could have used a night of inebriation! Here's the quick run down of the next 7 days:<br />
<br />
Thursday, 1/2- beta and progesterone at REs - hCG 84, p4 was 17<br />
Monday, 1/6 - repeat draws at RE's- hCG 631, p4 still at 17. Ob calls with 1st draw results- hCG 25 and p4 13.2<br />
Wednesday, 1/8- another repeat draw- hCG 632- Also, Em turned 2!! <br />
Thursday, 1/9 another draw to check if it was lab error or something was wrong.-Not ectopic, was even a bubble in my uterus and hCG came back at over 1,600. Follow up u/s scheduled for Thurs the 16th.<br />
<br />
Then, we focused on Em's little family get together birthday celebration. She had fun, got some great stuff and did fantastic with a real cake, real candles and ice cream even!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Carrot cake w/ cream cheese icing is great for hair styling!</td></tr>
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Thankfully, other than being cold and rainy, the next 7d were rather uneventful. We went back on Thursday and had the repeat u/s, at ~5w6d. That little bubble, had grown into a yolk sac and there was the start of a fetal pole even. We head back again this coming Thursday to confirm the presence of a heartbeat (at ~6w6d, it should be there).<br />
<br />
Thankfully, my only symptoms are tiredness, a bit of bloating, and the appetite of a teenage boy. Not sure I would have been able to handle all that stress and worry on top of all day nausea, headaches and overall blahs like I had with the last 2 pregnancies.<br />
<br />
My EDD is 9/12, my BIL bday, and that would make 9 September birthdays between our families if everything works out as "normal". Yup, another September baby- the one month I had hoped to avoid. Looks like my secret to success is to try treatment for a few months, give up hope but still "try" half-heartedly, expecting utter failure. <br />
<br />
It took me almost a week to decide to write and post this. It's weird knowing that I'm pregnant, without feeling like it or really expecting it at all. It feels a bit disconnected from me. But maybe that's what happens when in the course of a week you go from deciding not to keep TTC (or take a break), find out your pregnant, have crazy doubling hCG levels that then stall, leading you to fear either an ectopic or loss of a potential twin, to everything looking alright. All I know is that the next 8m had better be a lot smoother. Good thing this is the last baby as I don't think I could handle TTC, the worry and anxiety of TTC and being pregnant after IF and loss one more time.<br />
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<br />Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-36837646811869750182013-11-30T23:46:00.000-05:002013-11-30T23:46:25.885-05:00So Over This AllNovember can suck a nut. It pretty much came in horrible and is going out with AF starting.<br />
<br />
The Hub's grandma wasn't doing well when the month started, so our weekend trip just to visit became saying goodbye. I'm glad we had planned on going as she passed while we were there. I'm also glad as Em helped take his mom's mind off of things a little bit, a pleasant distraction for her. We headed back 3d later for the funeral.<br />
<br />
Work has been harried to say the least. Between being in and out for family related items and training the new person, I'm beat. On top of all of this, I've had to do my own stuff, new things that continue to pop up, new deadlines, and trying to write a friggin' paper for a study we completed ages ago. It's been wearing me down all month.<br />
<br />
I need a break.<br />
<br />
I was hoping I'd be rewarded for being supportive of family, getting things done, and it being the start of the holidays. Earlier this week, I was feeling run-down, kinda sick and nauseous. I was also beyond irritated and emotional with the trainee as she didn't have a clue what she was doing even though she'd been taken through the protocol at least 2 if not 3 times prior. Monday night even had me there past 7p, and that was late enough that I missed out on spending time with Em before she went to bed that night. I was crushed! I sucked it up and kept thinking that whole Kharma thing should kick in eventually.<br /><br />I was spotting yesterday at 9dpo. Implantation, maybe? I had a barely there positive with Em by this point and a similar bleeding/spotting with the m/c at 11dpo. Maybe, just maybe...<br />
<br />
Hahaha. No.<br />
<br />
Not to be wholey negative, there are several things I can be thankful for at this time. Good news, though, is that O was on cd15 and 9d LP is better than 7d and definitely 3d. Also, Hubs is great, for the most part. And I will always be thankful for Em each and every day. She's had a bit of a language explosion the last week or so. New words are flying out left and right from this girl! She is such a trip- silly, sweet, cute and her new thing of giving me hugs, pats and kisses melts my heart!<br />
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We also put up light and the tree today, which she was completely crazy about.<br />
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<br /><br />Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-37159576325429114882013-11-08T14:51:00.002-05:002013-11-08T14:51:40.520-05:004th Time's the Charm?I was correct. That cycle was a bust as well. Good news is that I wound up with an 11d LP. That in and of itself is pretty friggin' exciting for me. Maybe since that's about where I was with the treatments before conceiving Em, things may work out next? I'd be fine with an August munchkin.<br />
<br />
My FNP at the Ob/Gyn office approved my draw for prog. levels. Got the call back on Monday. It was 8. Not great, but almost normal for an un-medicated cycle and about what it was the 1st time I had it measured in 2010. I may or may not get it check this cycle.<br />
<br />
I've refilled my last cycle of Letro.zole, bought 2 boxes of feminine products (they were on sale and in hopes that being over-prepared means I won't need them), and my progesterone refill was ready the day I started. I'm all set for a hopeful positive in about 25d. Strangely enough, I should be finding out if this last hurrah for the year before revisiting the RE was successful right around Thanksgiving. That would be something I would be enormously grateful and thankful to get.Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-88047177438929653032013-11-02T21:03:00.001-04:002013-11-02T21:03:08.922-04:00Somewhat Good News3.<br />
Then 6.<br />
Then 7.<br />
Now, 8 and counting!<br />
<br />
My LP is slowly becoming longer, most likely thanks to the Letro and progesterone supps. Since I was able to make it to (and past) 7dpo, I took my NP's offer to come in and have my "cd21" levels check. Two things about this irked me, though. First, they ask if I'm on cd21. Of course, I have to lie and say yes. If I came in on cd21, I'd be 3dpo and won't expect my prog # to be even remotely close to normal. Heck, it was only just over expect for a medicated cycle both times I had positive betas! Second, it took them almost all day to call me back, and started with their preference for scheduling these a day or 2 in advance. It's not really easy to explain to them that you didn't even know you'd be able to get your levels checked in the appropriate time range until the evening before or that morning. I really wanted to get snarky and tell the nurse on the phone "I gave you as much notice as I had in the matter." Not sure how well that would have flown...<br />
<br />
In unrelated news, I've peed on just as many hpt sticks as days post-ovulation. I wasn't completely foolish; I waited until 3dpo to start... And took 2 a few of those days... This is so hard! I was so excited that I reached 8dpo this cycle, and with the knowledge that I was already feeling icky at this point with Em, it was a hard urge to not start testing. Plus, I've got like 30 of them sitting next to the toilet. Shockingly (or not), none of them have had more that a lone line on that stark white strip.<br />
<br />
I don't think it is going to happen this month. For more reasons than there is no 2nd line yet at 8dpo.<br />
a) My CM just started to change to fertile-like 2d prior to a +opt, not the usual 4-5d lead up.<br />
b) Because of the short notice and the fact that my ovaries have it in for me, we only had one baby-making session in before I O'd the next day. At least my body is keeping with the "O 12-18hrs after +opt" pattern it was prior to baby...<br />
c) I caught Em's cold and have been super congested all this week. I'm sure all the decongestants and mucus-fighting meds I've been taking aren't exactly creating a great environment for a developing embryo.<br />
<br />
On a less Trick note, I'm going to share Em's Hallow.een costume. I bought it on clearance at Tar.get last year for $5. After doctoring it with some sleeves and a feather boa, all in, it was still ~$10 for a cute costume. And she LOVED it! <br /><br />
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Cutest chicken ever!! Complete with "Baak, Baak", wing flapping, and beak pecking. This girl loves her animal sounds and movements. Carving the pumpkin was pretty fun, too. Squishing the insides was so much fun for this rambunctious toddler. It kept her occupied AND happy for almost 15min! <br />
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I'll try to get back and update with my progesterone levels and outcome of this cycle early next week. It's kind of defeating to keep coming back here to say "Not this time" or "Crap short cycle/LP again." While I'd really prefer it to end with 2 lines, I'd be pretty stoked with 10-12d for a LP. Besides, next cycle would mean an August tidbit, and that would be friggin' rad- no birthday month sharing!Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-45281971472739929782013-10-10T08:18:00.000-04:002013-10-10T08:18:06.196-04:00Another Strike OutA swing, and a miss!<br />
<br />
Started yesterday after light spotting all morning. Of course, I just thought (hoped) implantation bleeding. AF made sure I knew she meant business this morning!<br />
<br />
The stats for this cycle are pretty much the same as last, except O was at cd17 instead of 20, making this cycle only 24d long. As an attempt to keep things positive, one good thing about a short LP is you don't have to wait 2 full weeks for the disappointment!<br />
<br />
This is the last cycle I have a script for Letro.zole. After this, I have to go back to the RE for a re-consult. Not entirely sure how that's going to go. Most likely, he'll say I need to fully, FULLY wean. I just don't know if I can do it... She just nurses for comfort, really, and just in the morning. As if TTC#2 wasn't hard enough.<br />
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Here's a cute picture of a 21m big girl who is finally letting us do her hair and keeping it in!<br /><br />
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<br />Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-48460587199212471122013-09-16T20:30:00.000-04:002013-09-16T20:30:08.373-04:00Another One Bites the DustErrrtt!<br />
<br />
Next cycle.<br />
<br />
I was feeling kinda hopeful this time too. After an almost normal (for me) O date, I had a lot more creamy CM than normal after ovulation. Then, on 4dpo, a tiny bit of pink was mixed in, at just one trip to the restroom, and only when I wiped. My heart skipped a beat thinking maybe implantation bleeding.<br />
<br />
Nothing else on 5dpo. A tiny bit of red spotting before bed on 6dpo. Of course, at this point, I've been poas-ing at least once a day. I mean, the last 2 times I had a bfp a day or 2 after implantation, so the same should happen this time if that was what was going on. Plus, it was pink/red and not the usual brown spotting I would get pre-period.<br />
<br />
It wasn't. Just another kooky loop my body decided to throw at me. At least this cycle was 27d rather than 90d. My LP did almost double from last time.<br />
<br />
My take away from this cycle is that I seem to be heading towards better. Even though this was a medicated cycle, it was almost identical to my "normal."<br />
<br />
And last but not least, I get another shot at a June baby. That's one plus side to this.<br />
<br />
Another downside is how uncomfortable and achy I'm feeling. Plus, no alcohol in the house at the moment, and I'm too tired and worn down feeling to go out and get it. I barely was able to work up the energy and motivation to pick up my Letro.zole script refill to start tomorrow.<br />
<br />
It should be "interesting" in a few weeks time over here, seeing how this cycle will play out. Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-53119633601492789732013-09-09T10:18:00.000-04:002013-09-09T10:18:26.738-04:00CD20Well, looks like the Letro.zole is working. Not quite as well as it did pre-Em, but I'll take cd20 over cd90 any day!<br />
<br />
A few things of note this cycle (and somewhat from last, too) (<i>Lots of TMI to follow</i>):<br />
<br />
1- Leading up to O, I feel the need to pee more often. I normally nave no issue going most of the work day with out a trip to the loo, but around O late, it's every 2hrs, easy.<br />
<br />
2- My cervix is not the same as it was before. Other than the opening being diff, the location and texture is way different. High is not as high as it was, nor is soft as soft. It also seems like rather than being at the end of the tunnel (so to say), it's a skylight towards the back. When it's low, it is almost touching the bottom side of things.<br />
<br />
3- Holy EWCM!! I get it 3-4 days in a row and by the bucket loads. It practically vanishes as soon as I get that +opt though.<br />
<br />
4- Speaking of pee sticks, I've been getting my +opt 1st thing in the morning. Before, it was later afternoon or evenings. And those sticks go from zero test line, to hint the day/evening before, to positive. No gradual darkening.<br />
<br />
5- Em has learned that it is ok to pee on paper/sticks. And it's funny to try and stick stuff in the toilet while mommy pees.<br />
<br />
6- I feel more uncomfortable and moody pre-O than I do pre-AF. I seriously sport a bump leading up to ovulation these days. The girly bits are rather swollen and sore feeling too.<br />
<br />
7- I'm just as worried about things not working out as I am about being successful.<br />
<br />
<br />
I'll be picking up the lovely progesterone suppositories likely Tuesday afternoon/evening. Boy, and I looking forward to those. Here's to getting that June bug baby...<br />
<br />
In the meantime, more gratuitous Em pics for your viewing pleasure. I can't believe this girl is 20m old, now! I don't think I can keep calling her a baby for long.<br /><br />
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Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-61336072281632775232013-08-22T23:25:00.000-04:002013-08-22T23:25:04.070-04:004.My ovaries doth mock me.<br />
<br />
2 days of positive opts. A slow temp rise, then a half degree jump. Ovulation confirmed!<br />
<br />
Woo freakin' Hoo!<br />
<br />
Except not.<br />
<br />
Started spotting at work the next day. Light flow by night. Cue cd1.<br />
<br />
While I'm glad that marathon cycle ended, I'm really feeling crushed by a 4d luteal phase. It was like planning a party for months only to have it whittle down to a few sparklers. woo.<br />
<br />
It was at least nice and light for the last 3 days. I guess that's something.<br />
<br />
I've been back and forth and back again for the last few months. It was a mute point prior as I hadn't ovulated in 3 months. Now, though, I finally had a new cycle. A decision needed to be made.<br />
<br />
I filled the Letro.zole Rx. took the 1st dose today. I'm a bit glad that the pharmacy I dropped the progesterone script off at couldn't fill it as it needs to be compounded, but they filled the Letro. Was it some grand cosmic sign? Emma says "noo."<br />
<br />
On the good news front, Little Miss has had a few tinkles, dribbles and drops in the p.o.t.t.y the last few days, rather than peeing on the floor. We've decided it's not worth the fight 2-3x each evening to change her diaper against her very determined will and have just been letting her run a-muck, naked as a jaybird. Well, almost naked. Shoes seem to be the only article of "clothing" she not only tolerates but requests.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's hard to mope around when this amount of adorable silliness calls your name.</td></tr>
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<br />Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-71010157788310246652013-08-17T13:15:00.000-04:002013-08-17T13:15:07.366-04:00FINALLY!!3 months.<br />
<br />
90 days.<br />
<br />
Finally, a positive opt! I guess 5th time's the charm?<br />
<br />
Strangely enough, I've had a +opt for 2 days now alongside a huge temp drop yesterday. I've been feeling very uncomfortable and bloated-like. I'm hoping this is going to be a good strong ovulation that will reset my body back onto a more normal cycle. We've been trying each time I've had that oh so fun vaginal gold (EWCM). <br /><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Truncated so it would fit on the screen without having to scroll over so much... <br />Also, to reflect when I started temping consistently (-ish).</td></tr>
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<br />
While I'd be overjoyed if this ridiculous cycle paid off, I'd be completely happy if it just ended as well. In all honesty, I've already looked up the possible due date if we were successful (May 8th, 2014), and we could share the news with family and friends around Thanksgiving. Planning ahead just a bit, huh? I'm also entertaining fears of twins and triplets with how uncomfortable my ovaries have been the last several days. My anxiety has lead to some pretty crazy and out there imaginary worries and scenarios. Fun-times.<br />
<br />
If what I expect to happen does, I plan to take the Letro.zole cd4-7 next cycle even though Em still nurses a tad in the mornings. I think if I take it after she nurses, there should be very little in my milk that she's drinking very little of as it has a short half-life and will only be for 5 days. Plus, it's a fairly low dose. I would love a June baby as no one on either side has a birthday in June (or August, but I really don't want to wait 2m to have a positive preg test). This thinking has really driven home how much it suck to be TTC after IF and loss. I don't get to truly be one of those women that can "plan" a pregnancy.<br />
<br />
"Gee, August would be such a lovely month to have a baby! Guess I should go make one now. Yipee!" (Which is almost exactly what a friend of mine is worried about right now. Her and her husband agreed to wait until she defended her PhD in October to start trying and had an <i>incident</i> that lead to unprotected sex. Now, they are both a bit freaked that she's likely pregnant. Seriously?! Ugh.)<br />
<br />
Anyways, my preference would be to get pregnant ASAP, but I'm not banking on it. At all. Hopefully, it doesn't take months and months and months as I've already gone through 2 of our planned months of TTC with jack-squat happening. I've turned my Rx from the RE for the Letro and progesterone "bullets" into the pharmacy. I 100% plan to start the progesterone after it's confirmed that I've ovulated. I also 100% plan to make and appt to get my levels check around 7dpo as my NP-ObGyn so kindly offered anytime I wanted. It's strange that it's cheaper to do it there than the RE's even though it's the same time and test, so I'm glad I have that option.<br />
<br />
I'd like to end this rambling post with this: Trying to conceive is a mind-f*ck and I hope I keep my sanity by the end of it.<br />
<br />
(One last edition: I'm addicted to POAS. Again. Good thing I have 50 more opts and 15 more hpts on their way to me in the next few days, right?)Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-6190697714262128662013-07-27T22:00:00.001-04:002013-07-27T22:00:57.580-04:0010 WeeksYup.<br />
<br />
That's the length of this cycle. CD 72 today. I've had a tiny bit of spotting yesterday and today on the tp. And then there is the cramps and uncomfortable midsection. I sure hope that means this marathon of anovulation is ending.<br />
<br />
I had my yearly exam on Monday. The NP was also disappointed that my body isn't cooperating. Once things do start going, she says that I can drop in anytime to have my progesterone levels checked after Ov.<br />
<br />
Nursing and my weight are the likely suspects. Even though the amount of nursing and milk have decreased, she thinks the stimulation is still just enough to suppress my cycle. Also, even though I'm pretty much where I was pre-PG weight-wise, I should gain the 10lbs that I've been recommended to do for the last 5-7yrs. It hasn't worked well before and I don't hold out much hope this time. I know it sounds like a horrible plight. I know so many woman that wouldn't hesitate to say "I wish I had that problem." But those women aren't likely TTC and having issues ovulating...<br />
<br />
Apparently, I'm not "progesterone-deficient" as I previously though but produce insufficient estrogen. This would explain why I had later ovulation than average, low or non-existent sex drive often. It doesn't explain why I had awesome EWCM for days before ovulation or great uterine lining. It's not like I actually expect my body to have conditions that are normal or typical at this point, but it would be nic eif it would at least be screw up in a consistent manner.<br />
<br />
Blah. I'm hoping this blog has more cheerful posts soon. Between the cycle that never ends, work crap, home/husband/finance crap, and the weaning and hormonal changes, I'm seriously experiencing a major chase of the Blues. I need some good news and soon.Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-44989216888502762822013-07-19T08:38:00.001-04:002013-07-19T08:38:40.497-04:00NadaCD63.<br />
<br />
THIRD round of semi-fertile CM.<br />
<br />
Opt and hpt are still negative, but at least yesterday the line on the opt was at half the darkness of the control line. It's better than barely there, right?<br />
<br />
I have an appt with my favorite nurse-practitioner on Monday morning. Other than the usual poking and prodding of the annual exam, this will be my main concern/complaint. I'll see what she thinks and go from there. It will save me the $75 to see the RE for another consult/appt since women well visits are now covered by insurance (my plan didn't renew until July rather than January like most).<br />
<br />
This blows.<br />
<br />
Em has had several days where she's nursed just in the morning. No discomfort on my boobs' part going 24hrs or more without her nursing. Back into my pre-PG bras with some room to spare. She's also been going back and forth from side to side several times when nursing, so I know I'm making next to nothing these days.<br />
<br />
Come on body! Get yourself together and work for a change...Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-82565478433507417792013-07-05T22:24:00.000-04:002013-07-05T22:24:24.935-04:00Export FailI'm in the midst of trying to recreate my blog roll for my blog reader feed thing. I had forgotten about the Goo.gle Reader imploding on July 1st. I had exported my feed, but now can't find it to import to a new reader!!<br />
<br />
Waaahhhh!<br />
<br />
If you are reading this and want me to follow you or know that I follow you, please comment and I'll make sure you are added! I'm trying to add things back by memory so it's going to be spotty at best! Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-34278362660035564152013-06-30T12:25:00.004-04:002013-06-30T12:25:56.709-04:00Step 3: Dive In. Kinda going gung-ho on TTC# 2 a bit. I figured if I ordered a ridiculous number of opts and hpts that Murphy's law would have it that I wouldn't need to use many of them. I thought 60 opts and 30 hpts (as a bundle option) was respectable for such an attempt.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp_eK5q6WGSsvkNTyf6scASko1sTNtB-cj9Ag57-f3N2PAdZTIBRxILvi0Zt4fpt5I6k4UBad-6FLI9il-5LiwCFvRf0IJO3KqGdPlqZd_FyOQ2X-aDfqsz65XmaKecbPwbeMbSMpY5iE/s1600/IMG_5017.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgp_eK5q6WGSsvkNTyf6scASko1sTNtB-cj9Ag57-f3N2PAdZTIBRxILvi0Zt4fpt5I6k4UBad-6FLI9il-5LiwCFvRf0IJO3KqGdPlqZd_FyOQ2X-aDfqsz65XmaKecbPwbeMbSMpY5iE/s320/IMG_5017.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Opts, hpts and sperm pills, Oh my!</td></tr>
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<br />
And since there were soooo many of each, and it's been a while since I've POAS, I took one of each.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiizT4jcR2VzB3YZUuQp5tIgwM0O2m2irl0u4ZeSxJSE7akXEC4rBz3OEnF1ehLUc7Qp8NBWBKJfgDWHQzguSA08c2y1uAf6xCBoCRHLHBFpWMyoLv9rC4O7mdQmO8hkwedyKzV8y-EMgc/s1600/IMG_5022.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiizT4jcR2VzB3YZUuQp5tIgwM0O2m2irl0u4ZeSxJSE7akXEC4rBz3OEnF1ehLUc7Qp8NBWBKJfgDWHQzguSA08c2y1uAf6xCBoCRHLHBFpWMyoLv9rC4O7mdQmO8hkwedyKzV8y-EMgc/s320/IMG_5022.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Eerrr Eerrrrtt!</td></tr>
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<br />Anyone else surprised by this? I wasn't, but man, did it feel satisfying to do that again. I won't lie an say I wasn't hoping a 2nd line would appear on that hpt (blue one).<br />
<br />
At this point, I'd actually be happy with a darker 2nd line on the opts. I'm not sure if it's the nursing, which is just in the morning and before bedtime, or if my body is just more screwed up now than it was before Em, but things are not happening. I'm at cd44 today. I had a bout of semi-fertile CM from cd15-19 (pre-Em "normal") and then nothing. Then again at cd34-37, with 2 days of EWish CM, even. And still nothing. Not once has those opts come close to being positive. Sigh...<br />
<br />
I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I'm feeling on the fence about weaning fully, but to be honest, since cutting down on the number or times and amount she nurses, I don't think I'm really producing all that much milk. Plus, she's *finally* sleeping through the night and even going to bed pretty easily 9 times out of 10 these days (only took 17m). The girls just aren't filling the nursing bras anymore, even when feeling full-ish. I'm kind of sad to be losing them. Going from a 34A to a 34 full C was awesome! I'm choosing to ignore the 3wks where they were like DD mountains on my chest when my milk came in because that was just awkward. Now, I'm not quite back to my 34A, but my well-worn bummy bras that are probably equivalent to a 32B are fitting pretty great these days. I was really hoping to keep some of the boob growth, but doesn't look like it's in the cards.<br />
<br />
But back to my lack of cycle. I can not, for my sanity's sake, keep having month and a half long or longer cycles. I don't know how women deal with this regularly. I know my 28-29d cycles pre-baby were not even close to textbook, but I knew roughly what to expect and could plan for the next month/cycle. Now, I'm completely lost and don't have any clue about what to expect or as it's currently going, not to expect. Maybe I should put a call into the RE? Not sure what he'll be able to do about it, though until I'm not longer breastfeeding.<br />
<br />
Has anyone else had longer cycles post baby? Did they regulate eventually?<br />
<br />
But to keep this post from being all ho-hum and Debby-Downer, here is some adorable Em!<br />
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<span id="goog_672395761"></span><span id="goog_672395762"></span><br />Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-16687171964208624482013-05-16T22:44:00.000-04:002013-05-16T22:44:40.207-04:00Step 2: Pull the Safety CordOr remove the IUD. This was a psychically easy step, but psychologically, yikes! My BP was 118/78 (usually like 100/65) and heart rate was over 80. When I saw the NP put it in the waste bag, it felt like jumping off a cliff. I literally held my breath laying on the table.<br />
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The NP is the one that I saw back when we 1st starting and I noticed my LP was way too short. I love her so much as a healthcare provider! She asked if the RE did any baseline checks and if I wanted to have her do them. She checked what protocol he recommended and brought up the letro.zole and BF issue. She mentioned about weaning and that she didn't until she was 2m pregnant with her 2nd as she was exhausted b/n being pg, working and nursing just took too much out of her. She made me feel more comfortable about my decision to make it a mutual decision. We agree to have my thyroid level checked. She agrees with the RE that she'd like to see it under 2.<br />
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I scheduled my annual appt for July. She is so positive and enthusiastic. "Hopefully, you'll be pregnant by then!" We'll see, but as I have no clue what my cycle is actually doing at this point. Whether it is due to BFing (most likely) or the IUD masking beginning/end of cycles, I'll be finding out soon enough.<br />
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It's crazy to think that it was almost 3yrs ago that we started TTC#1. All eager, excited, and gung-ho! Naive. If only we knew... Better yet, if only it could be that way again. Sure, it was kinda scary going into the "unknown" but it was an adventure! Now, not so much the adventure. It's like walking through the a field that you previous crashed down a pitfall. You are looking for the dangers all around you. It may have just been that one hole that you were unfortunate enough to find the hard way, or they could be everywhere. It's terrifying!Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-81187629581067239212013-05-05T22:13:00.000-04:002013-05-05T22:13:06.728-04:00Step 1: Put Your Junk in the Sample CupWell, the 1st step has been taken. I had made an appt with our RE to go over plans for starting TTC for #2 (April 16th). Scheduled a SA for the hubs for the 25th. The RE was set and ok with repeating what we did last time. Fem.ara/Letro.zole for 5 days and progesterone after O. Except, Em still nurses so I can't do the Letro.zole. I'm not quite ready to wean her, and she isn't anywhere close to it either. I couldn't live with myself if I weaned her before either of us are at that point. The whole "Mommy Guilt" would just kill me. I just can't take from her in the attempt to make her a sibling. So progesterone only until that happens on its own.<br />
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Er, at least until that happens after we've actually started trying. There's still that whole IUD removal thing I have to schedule.<br />
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But the SA has been completed. But as it was scheduled for a Thursday, I was responsible for taking it in before work as it is just up the road from my building. And up the road from daycare... I was that woman. I brought a baby to a fertility clinic. I'm not proud of it. I tried to keep her from the main waiting room and quiet. I just wanted to drop off the specimen and duck out. Leaving her in the car was not an option, and we were cutting it too close to the appt time to drop her off at daycare 1st. Although, even if we weren't, I'm not entirely sure I would have dropped her off 1st and left the cup in the car. Just as I did the 2 times prior, I tucked that plastic container into a warm nook the whole drive and inside the clinic until they asked for it. It was chilly outside, and I do what ever is in my power to keep those little guys in as ideal condition as I can.<br />
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Thankfully, it mostly paid off. While not completely "within normal range", things are acceptable and promising. Just take a gander yourself.<br />
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Compared to the <a href="http://2scompany3safamily.blogspot.com/2011/02/sementics.html">1st go round</a>, this is great news! Now, onto step 2- IUDon't and then the scariest step, step 3- Actually trying. Well, if my cycle actually returns to normal prior to weaning, that is.<br />
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Also, strange thing, we got his results on Em's implantation anniversary. It's not something we celebrate, but there are important IF dates that I'm aware of each year since they occurred. That happens to be one of them. It's easy to remember as it was 2 days before my positive test.Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-27979996887988191092013-04-15T20:26:00.001-04:002013-04-15T20:26:10.040-04:00TryingI've been trying to work up the motivation to write. Actually, the motivation to do much of anything. Bah.I have the sneaking suspicion I may need to have my meds adjusted to see if that might help. I would call it depression, but it's definitely the Blahs. I'm also sure that it's at least partially due to poor sleep and work issues, primarily PG-co-worker.<br />
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After this, I don't think I'm going to invest any more time or effort into her. After several days deliberation and discussion with the Boy and some friends, I decided to have a "clearing of the air" chat with her. After several more days of working up the courage to start it, I waited until we had a semi-private moment and started. I stlarted with how I've distanced myself from her due to her pregnancy, for my own reasons that have nothing to do with her. I overcame that as I feel every mother needs support, especially in the beginning, and since we seem to fall in the same circles, I offered to be a resource for her. Only to get shot down. "I've already had most of my questions answered." Ouch. Then this weekend, I was at our local babywearing group meeting, which she was in attendance with her mom and husband. I came towards the end just to return a carrier, so when we made eye contact I smiled at her. Un-reciprocated. On top of all that, I overheard that she's not likely to return from her maternity leave, which she hasn't informed the boss about. AS she's done nothing by protocol with her pregnancy, I'm sure she's going to wait until the end of her 12w to let the lab know. Since she doesn't think I or the lab are worth her consideration and the effort we've put towards her, I'm done. I just can't take the rejection when I'm putting so much effort and swallowing a lot of feelings to do basic things for her.<br />
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Em is 15m now and just crazy. She is still working on those darn molars, but one of her bottom lateral incisors came in finally. She's pick up an obsession with a pink Easter hat my sister got her. She loves to play and wear it as well as with her dad's hat and my sunglasses. Anything on your head is a "haut" to her. Best thing ever is probably that she's learned "hug" and "kiss." If we ask for a hug or for her to give one to someone or the animals, she gives them a sqeeze, lays her head against them and say "Awwww". Sometimes, she'll include a closed-mouth, almost slobber free kiss too. Melts my heart!<br />
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And in not so cute news, the little stinker has been sitting on the potty seat and has even used it a handful of times (all for dirty business). It's weird getting so excited for poop. Takes me back to house-training the dogs and applauding there bathroom habits out in the yard. Fun stuff.<br />
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And in non-toddler related news, I have an appt tomorrow afternoon. I scheduled a new consult with our RE to see about getting things set for TTC#2 come this summer/fall. The Boy's been taking the supplements for a couple of months now, so we are hoping that his swimmers are up to par once we actually start back. I'm excited, nervous, petrified, anxious, scared, and happy about this appt. I'm not sure what to expect from him, or if he'll think I'm putting the cart before the horse. My cycles just started back the other week. I haven't had mt Mir.ena removed yet. And Em's still nursing quite a bit. We just dropped the one afternoon session where I was visiting her at daycare. While we both enjoyed the time together, it was disruptive to both our days. It probably had a lot to do with the delay in my cycle returning too.<br />
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I'm hoping I might not have to go on the Fem.ara again. Not that it was bad, I'm just nor sure how safe it is for breastfeeding. I don't think we are ready to wean and I don't want to wean Em earlier than she's ready just to try and get pregnant again. That would be too much mommy guilt for me to handle. I would feel so selfish to put my wants over her needs. Especially if I wean her to try and it takes 6m or more, if at all. I guess I'll just have to hear what he thinks.<br />
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I'll leave you with some Emma cuteness, because, who doesn't like cute things?<br />
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<br />Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-32574286746246757742013-03-20T20:49:00.000-04:002013-03-20T20:49:14.251-04:00Still Sick and TeethingI promise a real, and semi-cheerful post soon. One day, some day...<br />
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Em's on-again-off-again cold manifested as another ear infection. Joyfully, while we were out of town visiting family. Yay for urgent cares!<br />
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My month-and-a-half cold ended up presenting as a sinus infection and minor bronchitis. Yay for finally sucking it and going to see a doctor.<br />
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We are now both on antibiotics. I can finally breathe through my nose and not coughing all the time or hacking up phlegm. Em's well on the way to mending from her ear infection. Unfortunately, she's got 3 teeth on the verge of erupting, 2 of them are her 1yr molars. Poor thing just can't get a break. It's been a rough week for her.<br />
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I will be back when I have some "free" time in the evenings that doesn't involve nursing a teething toddler and have a bit more sleep under my belt (and less bags under my eyes).Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2778623786456216039.post-49967365566717878752013-02-22T21:02:00.001-05:002013-02-22T21:02:47.372-05:00In Sickness and in TeethSo sorry for the radio silence!<br />
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Since my last post (my baby turned 1?!), it's just been crazy between work, home, being sick, and Em teething.<br />
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1st off was <a href="http://2scompany3safamily.blogspot.com/2011/01/dreaded-m-word.html">THE </a>anniversary. The most awful anniversary ever. The whole week, I just felt this overwhelming dread and was intensely sensitive and emotional. I fluctuated between wanting to punch the Oops! Pregnant. co-worker in the face and bursting in to tears each time I saw her. I didn't realize until the 2nd why I felt that way. It occurred to me while I was telling Boy about wanting to switch up our Super Bowl plans as the last 2 years sucked (m/c and then last year find out SIL was pg). Ding! Light-bulb moment. Guess I'm still not over that...<br />
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Then Em got the crud going around daycare. Then I got the crud from her. I kicked the snot and congestion in a few days, but I still (2w later!) have the nagging cough and can't shake it. It sucks. I have had to cut almost completely out all forms of dairy and most wheat stuff due to phlegm and coughing until I about pass out. Not cool. I even pulled a muscle at the bottom of my rib cage from a coughing fit. Boy caught the crud too, but after a few days of a stuffy, runny nose, good as new. Ugh, men.<br />
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And for the last month, Em's been working on teeth. Well, more accurately, the teeth are moving up, but nothing has broke through the gums. They are just these hard lumps and some swollen bits in her mouth. I'm thinking she's getting them all in a row at the starting line, then will open the gates and Bam! Tooth-splosion. I'm looking at the other 2 bottom incisors, possibly canines, and the 1yr molars. It sucks. She's gone from sleeping almost 6-8hrs straight in her crib, to waking up after 5hrs and then waking every 1-2hrs after coming to bed with us. Of course, it's pretty much just sick, run-down me that is being kept up from 3/4am each morning.<br />
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Work has sucked as well. I have the Oopsie! co-worker that not only is shoving her huge belly in my face daily, she's also 1 step from being incompetent. She asks some of the dumbest questions and doesn't even take the time to try and figure or find things out for herself. "Sure, I'll stop this time critical protocol to help you figure out what to put on a label." Grrrr! I'm not sure if I've mentioned it here, but she is seriously naming her kid Jack Spar.row. Specifically, after the PotC character. Oh, and she plans to nickname him Captain.... Ugh. And it's been just really busy with deadlines and surprise samples and projects cropping up, not to mention the hand-holding I have to do in training a new grad student that is rotating through the lab. So I have to coordinate her work and teaching her, do my own lab work, ordering (that people forget to tell me we are running low on things until we are practically out), and taking care of dumb and trivial crap for other lab members.<br />
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I'm sick, tired, irritated, and run-down. I promise that I'll have a happier post soon. I have tons to fill ya'll in on regarding non-work life, Em's new skills and abilities, and the excitement and fear that is contemplating TTC#2.Christinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03357280337675044927noreply@blogger.com0