All the bits and pieces

Thursday's appt was probably my 2nd favorite to date (just behind see that 1st little heartbeat on the screen). We arrived at 9:10a and left right about 11a (EST). These people were thorough!

We did the general info, relatives' health survey thing upon our arrival. It was the strangest thing filling in spots with "mother" and "father" and actually be referring to ourselves! Craziness. Thankfully, I have a bit of background in genetics and knew that we didn't have to include every little health issue that uncles, cousins, and great-aunt-twice removed had. Allergies and vision issues are not something that you can pick up as defect on these scans!

We then were taken back with a genetic counselor to go over the family history and discuss risk factors and such. I'm such a dork and thought it was super awesome that she was drawing out our pedigree! None of the health issues anyone in either family has is considered a genetic/inherited risk or birth defect. She did reassure us though that it is definitely better to be thorough and do these types of checks than to "wait and see"- Better to be safe than sorry, pretty much. I pretty much found myself reiterating that the only defect we were actually concerned about the baby having is a heart issue. They asked if we were interested in any amniocentesis or CVS or other screenings. All I want to know is that the baby is healthy. Sure, it would be great to know if it had this or that disability to prepare.

And then it was time to go back and let the real fun begin! We were told to tell the tech right off that we were trying not to find out the sex. She said she'd do her best and have us turn away when they do in to scan that region. After she loaded my belly with what would be about 2 handfuls of jelly, we were off! Baby was in a great position for the scan, laying side to side in my belly, just folded in half with legs up and over the head. She was able to get awesome shots of the heart and everything looked A-okay and 100% normal! The rest of the scan was just icing after that.

We worked our way from head to rump (since baby was a sandwich). It was incredible to see the amount of detail they were able to get. We could see brain structures, each chamber of the heart, the stomach filled with fluid, the bladder, the kidneys the major blood vessels, each and every vertebrae in baby's spine, all the little bones in the hands and feet. Apparently, baby has the correct number of bones in its pinky finger even! The tech seemed to be mightily impressed that I had any clue what she was looking at as we went along. I'm no stranger to ultrasounds (not at this point) and I've done my research.

Baby was incredibly cooperative with it all and pretty much stayed in the exact same position throughout the scan, just moving the limbs a bit here and there. It did have its head tucked to chest which made capturing facial things a bit more difficult, but the tech was able to get what she needed. My favorite part was when she was checking the face for any defects (nasal, cleft lip/palate, etc). We got a shot of baby's chin, mouth and upper lip and nostrils. And then it swallowed! Not only was it adorable, but it showed that baby has that ability and that the fluid was going where it was suppose to since there was fluid in the stomach.

We finished the scan with the all important between the legs shots. We turned our heads, closed our eyes, and held each others hands.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not some great fortress of patience and resolve. I was so very very VERY! tempted to just turn my head and see. I one point I opened my eyes. Just in my peripheral vision I saw some red and blue flashes. The imaged flow of blood. Most likely from the umbilical cord. It took every single ounce of self-restraint I had to not look up at the screen. Heck, I strained to see if I could make something out from that side glance! After a few seconds of only seeing a grey and black haze of jumbled shapes, I squeezed my eyes shut until she cleared us to look.

The tech was great at the secret keeping though. She didn't label the images as Boy or Girl. Just Gender. That way parents-to-be couldn't count key strokes. She even filled out the info to send over to my OB as "Gender- normal" rather than any confirmed sex so that they wouldn't accidentally spill the beans in excitement. I will also admit that I'm really glad she set the screen back to the start of the scan, because I was 100% trying to see if one of the pics on the monitor showed the all important "parts". Not that I could make out any details from the ~1in pictures, but I tried!

The perinatologist then came in and talked with us about everything from the scan. he agreed that everything looked great, normal, and healthy. He did ask if we were interested in a fetal echocardiogram, just to make sure that there isn't any irregularities that the anatomy scan didn't catch. Those things are even more refined and high-def than this Level2 scan was and would pick up any slight rhythm variation, murmur, hole or flow issue. As it is also non-invasive and we really want to make sure baby's heart is 100% a-okay, we scheduled that too. Plus, it will be another opportunity to see the little. That's in 4 more weeks.

I was pretty nervous going into the scan, though. Not that I thought the baby wouldn't be alive like for previous scans. I'm reassured often that that is not the case with the little bumps and thumps I can feel now. I was just so scared to know or find out that the baby had some misdevelopment that would make living on its own without my body as its life support system either impossible or extremely difficult. The fact that everything was completely normal and average was a larger relief that I think I can put into words. All I can keep thinking is "healthy."

Healthy.

It's more beautiful a word than pregnant to me these days.

Change of Pace

I know I said I'd write a post all about the visit with the head doctor from last week. I've tried several times to sit here and write it all up. Forgive me for not doing so just yet (if at all). I just keep end up focusing on one thing that came up from the session.

We don't want to find out the gender.

Well, mostly I don't, but I've convinced the Boy that he doesn't either. Between my eloquent and heart-felt explanations and a few favors on top, he has agreed to wait it out with me. For 5 more months!

Call me crazy. In fact, I probably am. At least, crazy for me (but most likely, crazy for other people, too). This is a complete 180 from the normal, usual Christina. If I'm known for one thing, it's for being a planner/organizer/Type A/OCD. I would plan out what to pack for an overnight stay at friends' or family's. Heck, I actually still do! If it is for several days, I'll probably even make a list and check it off as I put the items in the bag. I schedule my days at work by the hour, for the week. If it is something that can be planned and over-thought, I'm your girl.

And yet, this whole pregnancy, I haven't really planned, other than scheduling appts when the Boy has the day off and in the morning to impact my work day as little as possible. I've been moving along, letting things take me where they will. On a day to day basis, my anxiety levels are almost non-existent. I worry about things, sure. I'm just not doing it for as long or as often. Most of the time, if I'm fretting about something with the baby or my body, I practically dismiss it with a "What will be, will be. Nothing I can do to change that."

That is probably the overriding theme of this pregnancy. Nothing I can do to change anything. It's all beyond my control, so I might as well accept it and enjoy this whole trip. That definitely carries over into the "to know or not to know" decision on the baby's sex. There is nothing I can do to make it one or the other, nor do I have a preference either way. As long as it is healthy and happy and I can take it home, I'm a happy camper. What difference will knowing the sex have any of my decisions or actions the remainder of this pregnancy?

We are planning a gender neutral nursery (green, aqua and chocolate). I'm not huge on going all blue or all pink. I don't want to force my possible daughter to wear big flowery headbands and frilly, flowery dresses. Nor do I want my boy stuck in sport themes and construction vehicles. I feel (other than the frillies) that babies of either sex can wear little overalls with bugs or dinosaurs or hearts on them. Whatever. When they are older and decide they want to wear pink (both sexes), then so be it. As long as they are happy and comfortable with themselves and in what they are wearing, does it really matter? Besides, I know how to care for boys and girls in the early stages and on up thanks to my older sister and her kids, not to mention all the baby sitting I've done. No huge surprises there or tips/tricks I need to prepare for before birth.

As for the name game, I'd like to meet the baby before saddling them with a name for the rest of their life. If I wait to get to know my pets before naming, at least I could do the same for my child! We'll likely have had several names picked out even if we end up finding out if it is a he or she, just to have a few choices to find the one that fits best. Besides, gender isn't always 100% on u/s. There could be a surprise at delivery anyways, in spite of months of planning and name selecting. (The Hubs nixed the idea of selecting gender neutral names, though, which solves this problem altogether).

Most importantly, it's been an uphill battle to get to this point since day 1. maybe more like month 3, but still. We didn't get here easily. We didn't have that naive innocence that most couples get to experience when TTC but for 2 months, 1 of which we weren't technically "trying" as much as giving it a whirl. It was bad news after bad news for us from September to easily January if not into March with the crazy ovarian cyst. None of that was planned. We weren't able to decide on those things ahead of time, schedule them in to best fit in with our lives. Why start now? We've had few happy surprises this past year. This pregnancy happening, and then continuing to progress well, happily, and healthy has been one of the greatest surprises of our lives. We may not get to experience many more joyous surprises like this. Why not make the most of it? How sweet would the icing on the cake be in the delivery room to not only welcome our child into the world (hopefully) but to find out the sex as the nurse/Dr yell "It's a _____!!"

It is more important for me to end this whole family building (phase I) with a baby than with a boy or a girl. Not all the family/friends/coworkers think it is the best choice, but it's ours. And I'm kinda digging the more relaxed approach on things. I know it will all change with that 1st little cry, so I should enjoy it while I can!