Primetime, Month 9

Wow.

Three quarters of a year. Done and dusted. Insane.

My Lil' Miss is a little one. Just 15lbs 5oz (6th percentile), but 27.5" (45th percentile) and a head circumference of 42.3cm (13th percentile). So her weight and HC switched percentiles and she hasn't gained any additional weight since her sick baby visit last month. This will make sense after reading what she's been up to these last few weeks!

So what is new from last monthly update?

- Honest to goodness crawling. The Commando-crawl has upgraded to full-on hands and knees action, 95% of the time at least. Boy, is she getting fast!

- "Dancing"  Baby girl has some groove. Unfortunately, her moves are more akin to her daddy's at the moment. Leg giggles and bouncing. Swaying. And the funniest is this new head wiggle and roll thing she does, a la Stevie Wonder.

- Standing for a few seconds on her own. Plus, she's trying to get to standing from crawling and sitting, all by herself, in the middle of the floor. 

- Big girl foods. We've been doing Baby Led Solids for months, but she's been eating the "school food" at daycare for breakfast, lunch and snack; impressing all the ladies with how she packs it away. She impresses me and others as well. Girl can eat!

- New sounds and noises. Em likes to hoot and holler to hear her own voice a lot. Common sounds include "Dadada," "Bababa," "Tata," "Hhaa!" "Aaah!" "Huuhn," "Uhh" and clucking her tongue.

- Super pincer action! Puffs and Cheer.ios don't stand a chance! Neither does Daddy's nipples or chest hair.

- Waving Hi. Her's is a bit of Miss America/parade style. Dainty and all in turning the wrist.

- Copy-catting.  She tries to copy some things we do like facial expressions, sounds, and toy play. Some times, it just takes 1 or 2 times before she has it down.

And one of the most exciting and saddening things: her 1st tooth! My baby is no longer a gummy-smile little thing. Her bottom, left broke through on the 2nd after I noticed it red and swollen that morning. I was checking it that afternoon, after feeding her at daycare, and BAM! I felt it on my finger! Now, she has the right, bottom tooth and both top teeth looking either swollen or showing a white line at the tip/edge. I'm waiting for her to start biting things rather than just gnawing on them...

I'm thinking I may be adding walking on next month's update as she loves edging and walking around holding our hands or fingers. She's getting so good that sometimes it just 1 hand.

She also attended the 1st bday of our good friends' little girl. She was quite the hit, smiling and flirting with all the people, and the older women there couldn't get enough of her. I also got a sneak-peek at her cake reaction. We were going to share a slice of the Dr. Seuss cake, but before I got a bite in, she had sunk her hands into all and was shoving pieces in as fast as she could chew it. She was a blue, happy, mess.

Awesome shot of her during the 5min she kept the hat on!

We'll be visiting the in-laws this coming weekend and hanging with Boy's brother that lives in Cali but is visiting for several days. It will be the 1st he's met Em, as well as for other relative's that will be attending  the surprise 40th anniversary party for the in-laws that's being thrown.

Until next time, here is some more Em-love, in case you, like me, can't get enough!

Greek yogurt is fun AND tasty. Goes great with peaches.

Daddy love to tease her with small tastes of candy

It's exhausting being this cute!

Halfway There, Baby!

Wow. Just Wow. How did this happen? I have a 6m old?! It just seems like the other day that we decided to start trying, then started treatments. Now, we are coasting to that big ONE year!

Happy 1/2 Birthday!

So, where are we at with everything here at 0.5yrs old?

• Rolling from back to belly, belly to back, and several rolls strung together
• Can do belly spins and go a full 360 deg to get a toy or see something
• Sitting up unassisted for long spurts of time without toppling!
• "Dadadada", "Babababa", and singing/shrieking at various volumes
• Popping/sucking her bottom lip
• Blowing spit bubbles and raspberries.
• Started solids - semi-Baby Led Solids as she gets some purees at daycare, my mom's and applesauce or pumpkin at home. Hasn't meet a food yet that she doesn't like
• Reaching out to people to be picked up or held
• Leaning back or to the side in our arms

I would love to add crawling, but she hasn't quite put the arms and legs together. It is one or the other, or a face-plant.


She is still a ridiculously happy baby, quick with the smiles and babblings. She is a very vocal baby. She's laughing at a few more things, mostly when I'm changing her diaper on the changing table. Em and Maz are BFFs, but she like pretty much any furry critter that comes up to her.

Em is the belle of the daycare and has a fan club of several of the caretakers, many not even assigned to her age group. Even though they have the extra work of the cloth diapers and glass bottles, we haven't had a complaint!

She is definitely the cutest and sweetest little girl. And I do mean little. At her 6m well visit, she topped the scales at 13lbs 5oz, 25.75 inches long. She's consistently been in the 10% for weight. The pediatrician isn't concerned as she's easily meeting all her milestones, is still gaining, and is overall super healthy. Plus, this girl loves, loves, loves to eat. She has no problem nursing, eating a jar of food or 1/2 banana 30 minutes later, and topping off with another nursing. She's seems to have a high metabolism as she is constantly on the go, unless sleeping.

Speaking of sleeping, she's not so perfect in that department. She takes about 2 naps at daycare, of variable lengths. Sometimes it's just a 20 minute power nap while others, it is a 3hr snooze-fest! She'll nap once in the evening, maybe. At night, she was only semi-waking twice to eat. Now, thanks to sleep regression, a 3x waking night is doing great. *Yawn*

We hit the beach the 1st weekend of July. Em loves the sand, seemed confused by the waves coming and then going, but had a good time. She definitely prefers the pool and bathtime to fulfill her aquatic desires.

Baby swimsuit model?

All in all. life is going well here. And at neck-breaking speeds. It is so cliche, but unfortunately true. They grow so fast. I'm trying my darnest to enjoy every moment of her!

4 months

Wow, just realized I never did a 4m update on Em, 10d ago. Oops?

So, yeah, 4 months... It's been pretty surreal. While I was pregnant (as well as before) and during my maternity leave, I knew that I just didn't have what it takes to be a SAHM. I am not "Mom Enough" for all that it requires day in and day out. But that doesn't mean that I don't spend almost all my day at work thinking about coming home to this:

 

If we could swing it financially, I'd only work part-time in a heartbeat! Or if we were rolling in the dough, I'd not work and spend my days doing mommy&me yoga, play groups, and the whole housewife glamor lifestyle.Sigh... Bills and debt bite the big one.

But back to her update! Little Miss's stats at 4m were 11lbs 11oz, 24.75in long, and ~39cm head circumference. Those fall in the 10%, 70%, and 5%. In other words, I have a long and lean, boob-sucking machine! The pediatrician we saw this time called her "small" even those she was about the same percentiles at her 2m where that Dr said she was just fine. I'm in no particular rush to jump to solids to get her to "gain more weight" at the moment as she is consistent in her percentiles and her growth curves are smooth and increasing. Besides, cereals are just baby gruel and don't provide that much in the way of nutrients other than calories for the most part.

In other growth and developmental news, she is also a rolling machine! She flips from back to belly *like a boss* these days and had been great with belly to back for over a month now (she really hated tummy time back then). She puts weight on her feet and legs when stood up and tries her hardest to pull herself to sitting if reclined. She is quick with the smiles still and giggles are starting to be just as frequent. Her hands, toys, and yes, even her feet are always on their way to or from her mouth. Em-n-m has not only found her voice but exercises it in various pitches and volumes. She is a huge fan of her fur-siblings, but only the pups reciprocate the love.

More than anything else, she continues to win my heart each and every day. I couldn't hide it if I tried - I love this kiddo to pieces!

3 Week In

The 3 of us have been home for 3 weeks now. I'm not sure if it feels like it's been shorter, longer, or right on for the length of time. It really depends on when I'm asked. Regardless, it's been something else...

It's not completely fluffy sunshine and shiny roses, but I'm happy with it all. I'm pretty happy with Emma's sleeping/eating pattern. It's pretty much every 2-2.5hr that she wants to eat, and she sleeps for a good chunk of that time. It's about the same at night except those 2-3hrs are 90% sleeping and half sleeping/eating. Of course, that just the "average" and there can be a good amount of variety depending on the day.

We're cloth diapering, and I have to say that I quite like it. We used disposables while we were still in teh hospital and the other weekend when we were visiting the in-laws. While they fit in the newborn clothes better, Emma wanted to be changed more frequently, which is the opposite of what I've been lead to believe. The cloth diapers don't seem to bother her, and even with a bit longer between changes, we've had no signs of rash or irritation at all. Besides, the diapers and diaper covers for cloth are A-freaking-DORABLE!!

Right now we are primarily using newborn sized pre-folds and covers, I'm excited to start using more of the all-in-ones and pocket diapers. Emma is just a bit to tiny in the waist for most of them at the moment.

Speaking of her size, that little miss can grow! She was 6lbs 13oz at birth, 6lbs 9oz before we left the hospital, 6lbs 14oz at her 1st pediatrician appt, and 7lbs 4oz at the next one the following week. I'm not sure exactly how much she weighs right now, but she's getting too long for quite a number of her sleepers. My newborn isn't going to be a tiny little newborn for too much longer...

I'll try and keep up some semi-regular posting. I just can't even seem to keep up with what day it is lately, so it might be a total flop. But here's to trying!!

Blogosphere, Meet Emma Parker.

6lbs13oz. 20.5in long.
Perfect.

 Just wanted to pop in real quick, between feedings, monitoring, and super short naps.

Sunday was a super crazy day!

Went into labor.

Had a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

Fallen head over heels in love with her (and all over again with Daddy!).

We are all getting to know each other and figuring things out.

More to come later!

The BIG Drop

I'm not referring to my holiday season lack of decorating, card mailing and present buying.

I'm not even referencing the NYE ball drop.

Nope.

I'm talking about my belly. It's lowering more and more each day. I am actually, honestly, and undeniably waddling these days. I need help up off the couch or chairs most of the time. If I squat down to look or pick anything up, someone had best be next to me to pull me up! That, or I have to fall to my butt, get on my hands and knees, and pull myself up using nearby, stable objects. And just an FYI (and probably TMI too), a mucus plug is like EWCM on crack and steroids! Plus, it isn't accompanied by the urge to pounce the husband, much to both our dismay.

It took almost the whole 9 months, but I'm at the point where I can't help but complain. My back is killing me. My boobs feel like lead weights on my chest half the time. My ankles and feet are swollen more often then not. I have to visit the restroom far to frequently for my personal comfort. Sleep is elusive. I have 2 bottoms and 3 shirts that kinda, sorta fit and cover the burgeoning belly and are decently comfortable. Oh, and the on-again-off-again nausea has returned. I don't think I even need to mention the pendulum that is my emotions. Did I mention the lightening punches to my cervix?

Still, even given all the physical discomforts, the hormonal roller-coaster of my mental state, and the fact that I'm barreling ever faster to my due date, I'm still overjoyed and immensely grateful to be pregnant. To have the opportunity to have these things to complain about, mostly just to the Boy. 90% of people I know or those strangers that find out I'm 38w continually mention how I must be beyond ready to get this baby out of me. That I should be begging to go into labor ASAP. Honestly, I'm not. Sure, I mean I'm uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean I still don't relish having my baby staying in until (s)he is ready, growing strong and staying healthy in the mean time.

Besides, I've gotten pretty good at being pregnant (or at least I think so). I know what I'm doing, mostly, and things have been going pretty well. This next part? I'm not 100% sure about it. Are we truly ready to be completely responsible for another human being? Babies, from what I hear, are a lot different from puppies and kittens, at least in the beginning. While I can't wait to be a mom, will I be a good one? Will my child be happy to have me as a parent years down the road? How can I make sure that I don't screw this kid up for life? Compared to all those thoughts and worries, labor doesn't even remotely frighten me.

Hopefully, before the end of the week, I can work up the courage to finish packing my labor and hospital bags...

All the bits and pieces

Thursday's appt was probably my 2nd favorite to date (just behind see that 1st little heartbeat on the screen). We arrived at 9:10a and left right about 11a (EST). These people were thorough!

We did the general info, relatives' health survey thing upon our arrival. It was the strangest thing filling in spots with "mother" and "father" and actually be referring to ourselves! Craziness. Thankfully, I have a bit of background in genetics and knew that we didn't have to include every little health issue that uncles, cousins, and great-aunt-twice removed had. Allergies and vision issues are not something that you can pick up as defect on these scans!

We then were taken back with a genetic counselor to go over the family history and discuss risk factors and such. I'm such a dork and thought it was super awesome that she was drawing out our pedigree! None of the health issues anyone in either family has is considered a genetic/inherited risk or birth defect. She did reassure us though that it is definitely better to be thorough and do these types of checks than to "wait and see"- Better to be safe than sorry, pretty much. I pretty much found myself reiterating that the only defect we were actually concerned about the baby having is a heart issue. They asked if we were interested in any amniocentesis or CVS or other screenings. All I want to know is that the baby is healthy. Sure, it would be great to know if it had this or that disability to prepare.

And then it was time to go back and let the real fun begin! We were told to tell the tech right off that we were trying not to find out the sex. She said she'd do her best and have us turn away when they do in to scan that region. After she loaded my belly with what would be about 2 handfuls of jelly, we were off! Baby was in a great position for the scan, laying side to side in my belly, just folded in half with legs up and over the head. She was able to get awesome shots of the heart and everything looked A-okay and 100% normal! The rest of the scan was just icing after that.

We worked our way from head to rump (since baby was a sandwich). It was incredible to see the amount of detail they were able to get. We could see brain structures, each chamber of the heart, the stomach filled with fluid, the bladder, the kidneys the major blood vessels, each and every vertebrae in baby's spine, all the little bones in the hands and feet. Apparently, baby has the correct number of bones in its pinky finger even! The tech seemed to be mightily impressed that I had any clue what she was looking at as we went along. I'm no stranger to ultrasounds (not at this point) and I've done my research.

Baby was incredibly cooperative with it all and pretty much stayed in the exact same position throughout the scan, just moving the limbs a bit here and there. It did have its head tucked to chest which made capturing facial things a bit more difficult, but the tech was able to get what she needed. My favorite part was when she was checking the face for any defects (nasal, cleft lip/palate, etc). We got a shot of baby's chin, mouth and upper lip and nostrils. And then it swallowed! Not only was it adorable, but it showed that baby has that ability and that the fluid was going where it was suppose to since there was fluid in the stomach.

We finished the scan with the all important between the legs shots. We turned our heads, closed our eyes, and held each others hands.

I'm not going to lie. I'm not some great fortress of patience and resolve. I was so very very VERY! tempted to just turn my head and see. I one point I opened my eyes. Just in my peripheral vision I saw some red and blue flashes. The imaged flow of blood. Most likely from the umbilical cord. It took every single ounce of self-restraint I had to not look up at the screen. Heck, I strained to see if I could make something out from that side glance! After a few seconds of only seeing a grey and black haze of jumbled shapes, I squeezed my eyes shut until she cleared us to look.

The tech was great at the secret keeping though. She didn't label the images as Boy or Girl. Just Gender. That way parents-to-be couldn't count key strokes. She even filled out the info to send over to my OB as "Gender- normal" rather than any confirmed sex so that they wouldn't accidentally spill the beans in excitement. I will also admit that I'm really glad she set the screen back to the start of the scan, because I was 100% trying to see if one of the pics on the monitor showed the all important "parts". Not that I could make out any details from the ~1in pictures, but I tried!

The perinatologist then came in and talked with us about everything from the scan. he agreed that everything looked great, normal, and healthy. He did ask if we were interested in a fetal echocardiogram, just to make sure that there isn't any irregularities that the anatomy scan didn't catch. Those things are even more refined and high-def than this Level2 scan was and would pick up any slight rhythm variation, murmur, hole or flow issue. As it is also non-invasive and we really want to make sure baby's heart is 100% a-okay, we scheduled that too. Plus, it will be another opportunity to see the little. That's in 4 more weeks.

I was pretty nervous going into the scan, though. Not that I thought the baby wouldn't be alive like for previous scans. I'm reassured often that that is not the case with the little bumps and thumps I can feel now. I was just so scared to know or find out that the baby had some misdevelopment that would make living on its own without my body as its life support system either impossible or extremely difficult. The fact that everything was completely normal and average was a larger relief that I think I can put into words. All I can keep thinking is "healthy."

Healthy.

It's more beautiful a word than pregnant to me these days.

I can't even think of a good title

I feel like such a bad blogger. I've been meaning to post an update about the days I was at my parents and my family's reactions. Things just kept coming up, but mostly, I just kept laying down. I feel horrible posting my symptoms because it feels like I'm complaining about them. I'm really not! I truly hope no one thinks for one second that I am not thankful for every dry heave, cramp, bathroom trip or lack thereof, and headache. Because I am so very thankful and almost relish how strong these things are at times.

They aren't glamorous. They aren't fun. They do make me feel pretty crappy.

But I wouldn't wish them away for anything! Except for maybe an accurate crystal ball or a window straight into there so I could actually see that everything was going great at any time I wanted. Every single time I find myself having to focus on not revisiting what I last ate or how uncomfortable I may feel, I mentally thank my little, growing worm for being so strong and healthy to make me feel this way.

My greatest fear right now is that my body is/will send me all these "reassuring" signals and going forward with things, but my little worm has stopped. Just thinking that a) the baby has gone, or b) all this is for nothing, is almost too much for me to even handle. Thankfully, these thoughts are usually soon followed by the need to pee or some other fluid related bodily function and I'm back to thanking the baby for them again.

Since I've graduated from the RE, have had good blood work and, now, a good ultrasound at my Ob's office, I'm not having any further (medical) reassurance for another 4wks. I know that if something happens or I desperately need it, I could call and schedule another appt or u/s, but I really really don't want to be one of "those" patients - the crazy, bothersome, overly worrisome, pregnant women that thinks the world revolves around their uterus.  So until June 30th, I'm just going to take as much continued comfort in the morning-noon-night sickness, the dry heaves, the smells/food aversions, all the bathroom situations, wild emotions, and everything else my body decides it wants to add to the mix. They are signs of a healthy pregnancy, what I've been striving for since last July. They are the gifts from my baby. I will appreciate them as much as I do that little life growing like a weed inside me.

Heart and Soul

Last night was one of the longest nights of my life. I haven't been sleeping well to begin with, but the fact that I couldn't turn my brain off only made it way worse. After waking up at 6am, I just laid there and enjoyed resting against my slumbering husband.

In a surprise turn of events, we were both ready early, made it to the appt early, and got called back early! The boy got to witness the fantasticness that is the RE office wardrobe and Senor Wando.

But ya'll aren't here for all that. Ya'll want the news. The 411. The full scoop. Or whatever they are calling it these days...

There is a gestational sac, a yolk sac and a little blob-baby in there.

AND A FREAKIN' HEARTBEAT!

We weren't able to hear it but could see the rapid little flicker of it on the screen. I was measuring at 5w6d +/-2d, so right on target for being 6w by calculations today. Since everything looked great and there was a heartbeat, I've been released back to my OB. My 1st appt there with a nurse for the full work-up is next Thursday. I can't think of any better present for my 28th birthday! The following week, I go back and have an u/s and appt with 1 of the Drs as they do a rotation.

I'm not going to lie. I teared up* a bit seeing that little white flutter on the screen. And have been still each time I look at the u/s print out. It is too surreal feeling still, but I can't ignore the surge of emotion I'm feeling towards that little blip on the screen...We are all set and prepared to tell the parents - we'll be visiting his this weekend (if PG-SIL doesn't go into labor, then they'll be up here) and then mine next week/end.

I think I might be getting strange looks for repeatedly pinching myself...


*Edit: I think the only reason I didn't have full-blown, streaming tears and the works is that it doesn't feel or seem real. I think I'm in either denial or shock.

Playing at Mommy

Cricket's surgery went well on Thursday. We dropped her off on Wednesday morning to get radiographs of her right knee. She stayed overnight, had the surgery, and stayed for recovery until Friday afternoon. Boy, was she glad to come home! Our other dog, Mazzy the lab mix, was happy for her to be home. She definitely missed her friend!

So this brings me to the post title. Cricket is going to require a lot of care as she recovers over the next 2 months. There is medication to give; feedings and waterings to observe. I'll need to take her to the bathroom, and help support her. The rest of the time she'll be sleeping. It's so very much like taking care of a baby.

I realized that while it is very demanding, it is rewarding as well. I love that she happily and sleepily wags her tail when I come to feed or walk her. She leans into my scratches and pets. I have so much patience with her. I feel protective of her, making sure that she is comfortable and as happy as she can be.

I feel maternal. And it makes me feel happy, sad, warm and empty, all at the same time. This is why I want a baby. I enjoy taking care of others. It not only makes me feel needed and loved, but I love that I am bringing them comfort and nurturing them. It warms my heart to know that I'm the reason they are happy and content. Their well-being was something I had a hand in. Seeing them resting peacefully makes all the difficulties and inconveniences worth it.

I'm a good wife and have taken care of my poor hubby when he's hurt or feeling under the weather. I taken care of all the pets at some point after an illness or accident. I have the experience under my belt. Now, I want the chance to do the same with my own child.

My mailbox is driving me to drink

WTF, mailbox?! For the last 3 months, I've been receiving baby-related mailings. Babies R Us coupons and adverts. American Baby magazine. Birth announcements. You get the idea. Yesterday, sitting on the dining table (because my hubby is sweet like that to get the mail) is a bible of all things baby. Target's Baby catalog. If I wasn't so exhausted yesterday, I would have gone and poured myself a nice BIG glass of wine. That meant getting up off the couch though so I pretended my glass of water had miraculously turned to wine.

Directly after my disbelief, however, I found myself curled up with the tome of babiness. I couldn't stop looking through it! Page after page of adorable nursery furniture and bedding, chubby little munchkins, pregnant women and new moms. I even picked up a marker and started checking the things I liked. You know, for research purposes. *Sigh*

I am now not-so-secretly hoping that this Target baby bible has convinced my ovaries that now is the perfect time to release that egg. I mean it is CD17 already. Do I really have to wait until CD19 or 20? They really should rename TTC to WTC because we definitely do more waiting than trying!

I had a dream

I'm not sure if it's all the various vitamins or the fact that I'm jacking my hormones around, but I've had super surreal, vivid, and bizarre dreams frequently the last 3-4mo. Surprisingly, only a few of them have been pregnancy or baby related. Normally, I can't remember anything but small tid-bits of my dreams and only if I focus on those details directly after waking up. The intensity of these recent dreams kinda make me a bit apprehensive about what my dreams will be like when I am pregnant.

One of last night's dream left me with a deep sadness when I awoke this morning. The other has me thinking I'm losing my marbles. The first dream I remember from last night focused on me as a boy in elementary school in the cafeteria. They didn't have the chicken Parmesan with spaghetti noodles, just shells for some reason. I complained and had them put my chicken on a pile of mac & cheese and give me the special butterscotch bread for dessert. Totally bizarro. I sat down with another boy that I had meet earlier in the day. We had a food swap at the table with some other kids and something crazy about a magician or fairy. The last bit is a blur because my loving husband woke me to kiss me goodbye as he was leaving for work. I almost immediately fell back to sleep and started the 2nd dream.

This dream started out with us on our way to the hospital. There, I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy. Our baby boy. We didn't have a name for him, but he was our sweet little boy. We were able to take him home, still unnamed. The remainder of the dream just centered around my feelings for him and nursing and holding him. He was perfect. He would just look and stare at me, never cried, and slept like an angel. There were other people in the dream, but they were merely background characters, shadows in the soft, dim lighting of my subconscious. I woke up and my little baby boy wasn't with me any more. I tried to fall back into that wonderful dream, but only just slept.

I wonder to myself if this was the baby I had lost the other week; if this was a glimpse of what my life could have been like 8mo from now? I felt whole, complete and content. My whole world was that small little human being. I feel a bit empty now, like I'm missing a part of me this morning. And yet, I feel a bit more at peace with things, a bit more hopeful. I am sad to not be able to still hold that little boy, but the feelings and sensations of my dream have left me eager to experience them in my waking life. I can not wait to be so caught up in the calm and emotions of holding my child, sleepily nursing in the quiet dark of night. I can not wait to have my heart bursting with love for something so pure and simple. Be it a boy or a girl.