Who ya gonna call? Myth Busters!

Ok, I changed my mind. I'm going to go a-myth-busting today rather than tomorrow (award ceremony to be held then). I decided to participate in Resolve's Bust a Myth Challenge weeks ago. I then saw the Ladies in Waiting Book club were also participating. I signed up for both! I figured the more avenues I explore, the more I can help and get the word out, maybe even connect to other women that are having the same issues we've had.

So without further ado -

Myth - “You’re infertile because of your lifestyle”

Busted! - “You work too much”

“You should eat more/less. You’re too thin/big”

“You worry too much. Just relax”

“You’re always away from home”

I’m not sure how many other women have heard these things from helpful friends and family, but I don’t know a single person that is/has experienced Infertility that hasn’t had someone tell them about some diet, exercise, stress relief, what-have-you that will aid in conception. It’s like they think that it is some lifestyle choice that we’ve made that is keeping it all out of reach for us.

So what could it be about my lifestyle that is so unreceptive to having a baby? Financially stable (ish)? Eating healthy? Having a decent balance between work and home? I just can’t figure it out. We’ve even made improvements in some areas that were a bit less than ideal when we 1^st realized we may have a problem. We are both the healthiest we’ve been, far more connected and emotionally close than we were, and are ready in every imaginable way for a little one to call our own.

Like so many infertile couples, we don’t drink (much), smoke, do drugs, catch STDs, have wild weekend parties and benders or push our bodies to some other extreme limit. We are just an average, everyday couple, doing what typical married people do and start a family. Infertility is not because of some choice we’ve made or not made. We just have been dealt an unfortunate hand. Nothing we change in our perceptions or routines will magically knock me up without the aid of medical mojo.

Working too much, worrying, and not being at an absolute perfect weight are not preventing my unfashionably late eggs, or too short LP from being more timely. Working less and not worrying didn’t do anything to prevent the miscarriage, either as I took 2 days off work to enjoy "being pregnant" with my husband. None of those apply to the Boy’s boys as he’s almost always relaxed and does just what he has to at work without doing too much extra, and almost the same at home. Maybe his easy-going nature and chill demeanor is the reason his swimmers are too mellow? Finally! A downside to “relaxing”!

In all seriousness though, if lifestyle choices caused Infertility, there would be no babies born to strung-out, overdosing moms; athletes wouldn’t be able to reproduce; and teenagers and college kids wouldn’t “accidentally” get pregnant from that one night stand they can’t remember after that wild party. In fact, if more people practiced our general and reproductive health choices, there wouldn’t be Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, birth defects from lack of folic acid and other vitamin and nutrient deficiencies, or babies that are abused, starving or homeless.

If there was some fault in our lives that we could change and not have to experience the heartbreak, pain, and anguish of Infertility, I’m sure all of us would do what ever was in our powers and abilities to fix it ASAP. If only it were that easy…

To suffer from Infertility is not a choice that someone makes by doing or not doing X, Y or Z. There is no change in our daily habits that can be made to magically make us fertile. By the point most couples have reached the “infertile” diagnosis, they have most likely already run the gamut of “What can we change or do to improve our chances” analysis on every aspect of their life and have probably exhausted every conceivable “fix”. At this point, Infertility becomes the lifestyle, working its way into every nook and cranny of our lives.

Infertility is not because of some inherent problem in how we are living our lives. No. We experience Infertility because of medical issues that plague our bodies. And unfortunately, there isn’t much that one can do on their own to repair or overcome what in their body is malfunctioning. That isn’t a choice that we can make. We can't just will  or decide when our bodies work, and it can't be helped without the intervention of medical professionals, not to mention time, effort, money, blood, sweat, and tears. 

The only choice we can make about Infertility is how we deal with it. We can choose to continue to have hope and move forward. We have a choice not to let it define us as women or men. We are able to choose to be happy (or sad or mad). We have a choice to reach out to other for support and understanding, to share our stories and have our voices heard.

 *** My preliminary Myth Busting can be read over at The Ladies in Waiting Book Club. ***

*** More information about Infertility can be found at http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 ***

***For background and to participate in National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW), visit http://www.resolve.org/takecharge. ***       

You can also bust your own myths - Go to Resolve's Bust an Infertility Myth Submission Guidelines to see how!

All choked up!

I am so moved and awe-struck to hear that my NIAW FB postings have inspired others to do similar! I am truly touched to have had such an impact on others and I hope that you are all rewarded with the same for your honesty and effort to spread awareness and education. I wish you all find the support and understanding of those close to you (and possibly even almost strangers - we all have those people as "friends")!

I'm only 2 status posts in to my NIAW schedule, but I already feel like I've accomplished my goal. I was able to let one person know that they aren't alone in this. That there is support and hope out there waiting for them. Other than that friend contacting me, the response has been fairly subdued. My mom likes and comments. A few friends do the same. Women that I'm FB friends from a TTC forum have shared and reposted the links.

It's not a huge wave, but even the littlest ripples can affect the whole pond. I'm making a difference. I'm awe-inspired by myself right now. If you had asked me even 6m ago if I thought I'd be posting IF stuff on FB and letting people know some of those personal details about our journey, after scoffing about dealing with infertility, I would have pulled back immediately and retorted with a "Yeah, Right!" or "I would never!" Yet here I am, sharing with all 127 Friends on FB that IF is real, it's difficult and overwhelming, but there is hope and support and friendship waiting for you to just reach out your hand to take it. I. AM. making a difference!

I'll be posting my Busted up Myth on Wednesday. Until then, I'll probably be chronicling my FB posts and the comments and reactions I receive. I haven't forgotten the Blog awards that some of you fine ladies have bestowed upon me! That's probably for tomorrow's post.

One last thing in closing here, which also related to the title - I have a rather familiar queasy pressure at the back of my throat today, lightheaded along with a bit of dizziness. My boobs are sore and achy, and I won't even mention my nip sensations... I'm 7dpo. I'm scared to read into these, given that my temp dropped from ~98.6F to 98.2F this morning. Maybe my homemade chicken stir-fry isn't agreeing with me?

NIAW posting update!

My FB post/status today was just some general info, etc on infertility via the CDC. Much to my surprise and amazement, a friend of ours sent me a message asking if my postings were because we were trying but having trouble, and that they have been trying as well and nothing so far at almost a year.

If nothing else, my goal with my postings has been achieved! She now knows she's not alone in this! I am very excited about connecting and getting closer to her because of this. Maybe I'll be able to pass on my IF experience and some tips/info/pointers to help them out. At the very least, I can be a shoulder of support for them as they continue on their baby-making journey.

One day into NIAW and I've already made a difference! My heart feels so full of hope right now. For them. For us.

I dove off the deep end

There is no turning back now. I'm out of the IF closet completely now.

I just posted this on FB:

I had a moment of hesitation before hitting post, but took a deep breath and clicked. This makes it pretty obvious after my previous posts what's been going on with us.

Now, I wait and see how people respond. I truly hope I get more outpouring of support and understanding from this than my other little blurbs. My end goal with this is not for people to feel sorry for me (or us) and to draw attention to myself. I really do hope this brings more awareness and understand to all the people I know on FB, especially family and friends. I want Infertility as a whole to have the support that I'm hoping my education through post brings to the general masses. Fingers crossed!

Stay tuned for more NIAW posts to come. I'll be participating the "Bust a Myth" challenge and will be thinking and talking about other ways to spread the awareness and understanding for our disease!

April ICLW

Hello All.

Welcome to IComLeavWe and to my humble little blog! I'm back to ICLW after taking March off. this last bit of April is going to be IF filled for me between ICLW and NIAW!

If you want the full run down of my IF journey, you can find it up in the menu there as "How did I get here?". Here's the Cliff's Notes version:

After being married for 5yrs and together 9yrs, we decided to add a furless baby to our family in June. I had my IUD removed and off we went! Then starts in the discovery of my luteal phase defect and sub-clinical hypothyroidism, the Boy's poor motility and low count, and a miscarriage in January. It's been a relatively short road, but a very bumpy and difficult one none the less.

I hope you enjoy reading (and commenting) and don't forget to visit all the other wonderful blogs this community and ICLW has to offer!