I know not everyone reading this is an American, but I wanted to wish all that are a happy, safe, and fun Fourth of July! I hope everyone remembers that it is more than just a day for cookouts and fireworks (but enjoy those as well if you are having them!).
While we aren't doing anything big for the 4th in our household as Boy works all day tomorrow, we've had a busy Saturday before the 4th! Went to a pool party at SIL's parents' followed by a cookout at my IF mentoree E's place (she'll find out by Tues if her 1st clomid cycle worked or not- FX'd for her!). Good food, family and friends. I was exhausted! We may be watching some early fireworks with a work friend of mine later this evening as well. A jam-packed weekend.
Over the course of this long weekend, in light of another great check up and the fact that I'll be in the 2nd Tri on the 5th, I've considered making my "condition" known to other people in my day-to-day life. I'm not sure how or exactly when I'll actually start, but it is kind of freeing to make the decision to do so, nonetheless. While not completely declaring my independence from IF, I've at least decided to stop living under its shadow for the time being. It's time to move forward, while not forgetting what all it took to get here.
I've been a bit selfish with this pregnancy. I've enjoyed keeping it mostly to just Hubs and I. Our fetal monitor listening sessions. My growing and changing body. After a bit of processing things ourselves, we share it with the parents. Anyone else has to pretty much drag the info out of me. The few people outside of close friends and family have either found out by asking me point blank if I was pregnant or by someone else's slip (primarily BIL).
The shift to volunteering the information is odd feeling. The more people that know, the more real things are going to feel. It's less likely to be a dream if 20, 30 or more people are aware of and talking about it. Plus, if anything does happen to go wrong from here on out, I'm going to need a ton of support and understanding. People can't offer that if they don't know in the 1st place. It also means more people to celebrate the good news and milestones.
I'll keep ya'll posted on when and how things go with freeing the pregnancy news. I don't plan on making it FB official for quite a while if at all. Most things are still going to be pretty private (no belly photos plastering the internet- I've only taken 1 so far). I feel like I've started attending a Pregnancy Anonymous group or something. "My name is Christina and I'm 13w pregnant."
Let's all celebrate whatever freedoms we are happy for these next couple of days and know that none of them came easy, without great deliberations and sacrifices, and should be appreciated!
Showing posts with label Coming out. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Coming out. Show all posts
Sunday, July 3, 2011
Sunday, June 5, 2011
The Reveal (#2)
Alright, I guess it is time to suck things up for a bit and fill everyone in on the news sharing weekend at my parents. I'm just a week late on it. Oh well. Here it is, from the beginning:
I was initially going to head up to my parent's house on Friday morning and just spend the day. This was before I was informed about the get-together the Boy was planning that same evening for my birthday. I had to reschedule with my mom, but she was happier about it because coming up on Sunday meant I was staying overnight and leaving Monday afternoon/early evening. And yes, it would just be me as the Boy had to work Sunday and Monday. It worked out better that I go alone because it meant he would be able to watch Cricket at home rather than us finding someone else to petsit.
Maz and I load up in my car and start the 1.5hr trek. I have my emergency kit of bags and paper towels and my little snack pack of nausea-abating foods. We survived the drive only down half a bottle of ginger ale, a couple packs of captain wafer crackers and 2 packs of sweettarts. Woohoo! Once all the dogs have settled down after the hellos and I've unloaded our things upstairs, Mom and I can finally spend some time catching up.
I bring in her "belated Mother's day" present and she hands me a birthday card. I practically had to beg her to open her gift for 20min before she did. She read the card, in which I had written "Keep your calendar open for January 2012. Love, Me, Boy, and baby." She was puzzled a bit until she saw "baby", looked at me and asked "Really?!". When I nodded, she tossed up the card and gave me a huge hug! Actually, several hugs. I had to prompt her to open the actual gift - 2 onesies with the u/s pic sandwiched between. One had a line of pointy teeth underneath "Little monster" (an inside joke/term of endearment for babies) and the other with a "Hi, my name is Trouble" badge on it. She loved them! When she went to show my dad, who had just woken up (works night shift), he kinda just nodded and gave a "that's nice dear" and "they're a bit small for you don't you think?" before shuffling away to have his coffee.
Two of my 3 sisters with kids in tow came over that evening for my belated birthday dinner, and my mom did the reveal the same as she did for my dad. My older sister was super stoked while my just younger sister seemed a bit unimpressed. My oldest nephew who is at the lovely age of 14 laughed saying I was going to get fat. My 2nd favorite reaction(s) came from my 3yo nephew and 2yo niece (younger sister's). They were told Aunt me was having a baby and just asked "where baby?" to which I replied "in my belly." Periodically that evening, they'd point to my stomach and shout "Baby!"
The majority of both days were spent playing with the little kids and all 3 dogs, talking with my sisters, and hanging with my parents. I'm not sure what it was, but both days the little kids were all about playing with me and even wanted me to sit with them at the kiddie table for dinner. There were a few "close calls" with the nausea, the worst being when my mom took me out to lunch on Sunday. I just couldn't finish my lunch after collecting myself in the ladies' room.
Overall, I think things were too busy to focus much on the nausea and fatigue when you have 3 large dogs, 3 kids under 4y, and about 8 adults buzzing all around you. Plus, there was food laying out almost all day on Monday for the Memorial day cookout we were having. Olives, sweet pickles, and broccoli smothered in onion dip hit the spot until the meal was served. I could really only stomach the potato salad, rolls, and pastrami/pepperoni in the pasta salad.
There was 1 really awkward part, though. After my dad had shaken his groggies, we were talking as he was finishing his 2nd cup of coffee. He muttered "Grandpa, huh..." a few times and then dropped his bombshell - "That means the 2 of ya'll had to have... Ewww!" While it was completely in jest, how do you respond to that!? I mean it is obvious that we had to have had some form of sexual contact for this to happen, but how do you admit that to your dad!? I don't remember what I answered with, but I know I stuttered and stumble over some response.
All in all, a nice, family-filled, busy 2 days. I could totally have used a day to recover from the entire birthday weekend before work on Tuesday, though. I sent the most recent u/s pics from Thursday to both parents, called the youngest sister (she's super excited!), tried to call my grandparents, and Boy called his other 2 brothers. Both moms are anxiously awaiting my permission for them to tell everyone and anyone about their newest grandchild on the way. I've given them them the green light to tell other family members (so I don't have to call the whole world), but I have forbidden any FB sharing. I know they are happy and excited, but I just can't stomach the thought of it being broadcast out on the internet for all to see. I'm scared to tell other friends and pretty much anyone other than immediate family at this point. Once it's out there, it can't be taken back. I am not strong enough to tell the world if anything unfortunate were to happen.
I was initially going to head up to my parent's house on Friday morning and just spend the day. This was before I was informed about the get-together the Boy was planning that same evening for my birthday. I had to reschedule with my mom, but she was happier about it because coming up on Sunday meant I was staying overnight and leaving Monday afternoon/early evening. And yes, it would just be me as the Boy had to work Sunday and Monday. It worked out better that I go alone because it meant he would be able to watch Cricket at home rather than us finding someone else to petsit.
Maz and I load up in my car and start the 1.5hr trek. I have my emergency kit of bags and paper towels and my little snack pack of nausea-abating foods. We survived the drive only down half a bottle of ginger ale, a couple packs of captain wafer crackers and 2 packs of sweettarts. Woohoo! Once all the dogs have settled down after the hellos and I've unloaded our things upstairs, Mom and I can finally spend some time catching up.
I bring in her "belated Mother's day" present and she hands me a birthday card. I practically had to beg her to open her gift for 20min before she did. She read the card, in which I had written "Keep your calendar open for January 2012. Love, Me, Boy, and baby." She was puzzled a bit until she saw "baby", looked at me and asked "Really?!". When I nodded, she tossed up the card and gave me a huge hug! Actually, several hugs. I had to prompt her to open the actual gift - 2 onesies with the u/s pic sandwiched between. One had a line of pointy teeth underneath "Little monster" (an inside joke/term of endearment for babies) and the other with a "Hi, my name is Trouble" badge on it. She loved them! When she went to show my dad, who had just woken up (works night shift), he kinda just nodded and gave a "that's nice dear" and "they're a bit small for you don't you think?" before shuffling away to have his coffee.
Two of my 3 sisters with kids in tow came over that evening for my belated birthday dinner, and my mom did the reveal the same as she did for my dad. My older sister was super stoked while my just younger sister seemed a bit unimpressed. My oldest nephew who is at the lovely age of 14 laughed saying I was going to get fat. My 2nd favorite reaction(s) came from my 3yo nephew and 2yo niece (younger sister's). They were told Aunt me was having a baby and just asked "where baby?" to which I replied "in my belly." Periodically that evening, they'd point to my stomach and shout "Baby!"
The majority of both days were spent playing with the little kids and all 3 dogs, talking with my sisters, and hanging with my parents. I'm not sure what it was, but both days the little kids were all about playing with me and even wanted me to sit with them at the kiddie table for dinner. There were a few "close calls" with the nausea, the worst being when my mom took me out to lunch on Sunday. I just couldn't finish my lunch after collecting myself in the ladies' room.
Overall, I think things were too busy to focus much on the nausea and fatigue when you have 3 large dogs, 3 kids under 4y, and about 8 adults buzzing all around you. Plus, there was food laying out almost all day on Monday for the Memorial day cookout we were having. Olives, sweet pickles, and broccoli smothered in onion dip hit the spot until the meal was served. I could really only stomach the potato salad, rolls, and pastrami/pepperoni in the pasta salad.
There was 1 really awkward part, though. After my dad had shaken his groggies, we were talking as he was finishing his 2nd cup of coffee. He muttered "Grandpa, huh..." a few times and then dropped his bombshell - "That means the 2 of ya'll had to have... Ewww!" While it was completely in jest, how do you respond to that!? I mean it is obvious that we had to have had some form of sexual contact for this to happen, but how do you admit that to your dad!? I don't remember what I answered with, but I know I stuttered and stumble over some response.
All in all, a nice, family-filled, busy 2 days. I could totally have used a day to recover from the entire birthday weekend before work on Tuesday, though. I sent the most recent u/s pics from Thursday to both parents, called the youngest sister (she's super excited!), tried to call my grandparents, and Boy called his other 2 brothers. Both moms are anxiously awaiting my permission for them to tell everyone and anyone about their newest grandchild on the way. I've given them them the green light to tell other family members (so I don't have to call the whole world), but I have forbidden any FB sharing. I know they are happy and excited, but I just can't stomach the thought of it being broadcast out on the internet for all to see. I'm scared to tell other friends and pretty much anyone other than immediate family at this point. Once it's out there, it can't be taken back. I am not strong enough to tell the world if anything unfortunate were to happen.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Movin' on Up
So the promotion my boss put me up for has been approved. It finally made it through all the loops and hurdles, from the bottom to the top. My boss really outdid himself in getting things through all the right channels and saying the right things to keep it moving along.
I'm officially a Research Associate now.
There was a little bit of a pay raise he threw in there as well. That took even more cajoling. I was really surprised that he was able to pull that part off as the State is currently on a pay freeze/raise freeze. That part will take effect in June.
*******
Tomorrow after work, we'll be heading down to the coast to visit the Boy's folks and some friends. Today, we picked up a "I love my Grandma" and "I love my Grandpa" bibs. I wrapped them up with a card in a gift bag. The card reads " Don't forget to stop and smell the flowers" on the front. On the inside, I wrote "Things look like they are going to get pretty busy with 2 grandbabies on the way! Love C, C and Baby W (arriving ~1/11/12)."
I can't wait to tell them and see their reactions. I had a brief convo with my MIL on the phone the other day to make sure that we were still ok to come down. She asked how things were "going" and I had to fib a bit. I didn't want to just tell her over the phone on lunch when we'd be down there in a few days. I hope she can forgive my little lies and omissions!
I can't wait to tell our friends down there as well. The lady friend told me very early on about her pregnancy (just before I found out about that 1st +hpt) and has asked about things and checked in on us periodically these last few months. She responded beautifully when I told her about the miscarriage and everything else.
Maybe telling others close to us, with them expressing their joy and happiness, will allow me to do the same?
I'm officially a Research Associate now.
There was a little bit of a pay raise he threw in there as well. That took even more cajoling. I was really surprised that he was able to pull that part off as the State is currently on a pay freeze/raise freeze. That part will take effect in June.
*******
Tomorrow after work, we'll be heading down to the coast to visit the Boy's folks and some friends. Today, we picked up a "I love my Grandma" and "I love my Grandpa" bibs. I wrapped them up with a card in a gift bag. The card reads " Don't forget to stop and smell the flowers" on the front. On the inside, I wrote "Things look like they are going to get pretty busy with 2 grandbabies on the way! Love C, C and Baby W (arriving ~1/11/12)."
I can't wait to tell them and see their reactions. I had a brief convo with my MIL on the phone the other day to make sure that we were still ok to come down. She asked how things were "going" and I had to fib a bit. I didn't want to just tell her over the phone on lunch when we'd be down there in a few days. I hope she can forgive my little lies and omissions!
I can't wait to tell our friends down there as well. The lady friend told me very early on about her pregnancy (just before I found out about that 1st +hpt) and has asked about things and checked in on us periodically these last few months. She responded beautifully when I told her about the miscarriage and everything else.
Maybe telling others close to us, with them expressing their joy and happiness, will allow me to do the same?
Monday, April 25, 2011
All choked up!
I am so moved and awe-struck to hear that my NIAW FB postings have inspired others to do similar! I am truly touched to have had such an impact on others and I hope that you are all rewarded with the same for your honesty and effort to spread awareness and education. I wish you all find the support and understanding of those close to you (and possibly even almost strangers - we all have those people as "friends")!
I'm only 2 status posts in to my NIAW schedule, but I already feel like I've accomplished my goal. I was able to let one person know that they aren't alone in this. That there is support and hope out there waiting for them. Other than that friend contacting me, the response has been fairly subdued. My mom likes and comments. A few friends do the same. Women that I'm FB friends from a TTC forum have shared and reposted the links.
It's not a huge wave, but even the littlest ripples can affect the whole pond. I'm making a difference. I'm awe-inspired by myself right now. If you had asked me even 6m ago if I thought I'd be posting IF stuff on FB and letting people know some of those personal details about our journey, after scoffing about dealing with infertility, I would have pulled back immediately and retorted with a "Yeah, Right!" or "I would never!" Yet here I am, sharing with all 127 Friends on FB that IF is real, it's difficult and overwhelming, but there is hope and support and friendship waiting for you to just reach out your hand to take it. I. AM. making a difference!
I'll be posting my Busted up Myth on Wednesday. Until then, I'll probably be chronicling my FB posts and the comments and reactions I receive. I haven't forgotten the Blog awards that some of you fine ladies have bestowed upon me! That's probably for tomorrow's post.
One last thing in closing here, which also related to the title - I have a rather familiar queasy pressure at the back of my throat today, lightheaded along with a bit of dizziness. My boobs are sore and achy, and I won't even mention my nip sensations... I'm 7dpo. I'm scared to read into these, given that my temp dropped from ~98.6F to 98.2F this morning. Maybe my homemade chicken stir-fry isn't agreeing with me?
I'm only 2 status posts in to my NIAW schedule, but I already feel like I've accomplished my goal. I was able to let one person know that they aren't alone in this. That there is support and hope out there waiting for them. Other than that friend contacting me, the response has been fairly subdued. My mom likes and comments. A few friends do the same. Women that I'm FB friends from a TTC forum have shared and reposted the links.
It's not a huge wave, but even the littlest ripples can affect the whole pond. I'm making a difference. I'm awe-inspired by myself right now. If you had asked me even 6m ago if I thought I'd be posting IF stuff on FB and letting people know some of those personal details about our journey, after scoffing about dealing with infertility, I would have pulled back immediately and retorted with a "Yeah, Right!" or "I would never!" Yet here I am, sharing with all 127 Friends on FB that IF is real, it's difficult and overwhelming, but there is hope and support and friendship waiting for you to just reach out your hand to take it. I. AM. making a difference!
I'll be posting my Busted up Myth on Wednesday. Until then, I'll probably be chronicling my FB posts and the comments and reactions I receive. I haven't forgotten the Blog awards that some of you fine ladies have bestowed upon me! That's probably for tomorrow's post.
One last thing in closing here, which also related to the title - I have a rather familiar queasy pressure at the back of my throat today, lightheaded along with a bit of dizziness. My boobs are sore and achy, and I won't even mention my nip sensations... I'm 7dpo. I'm scared to read into these, given that my temp dropped from ~98.6F to 98.2F this morning. Maybe my homemade chicken stir-fry isn't agreeing with me?
Sunday, March 27, 2011
The Outing, revisited
While I was listening to some archived podcasts (is that the right word?) from the Fertility Focus Telesummit 2011, I was reading several various IF sites and blogs and it struck me. I'm slowly going to let myself come out to the world in general about our struggles to conceive.
We've now told family and friends. The parents. B & PG-SIL. I've messaged/emailed a close friend (the one I sent the baby sling to) and filled her in, now that she's moved onto her 2nd trimester. I've told a few work friends, but that's about it.
I posted that link to my FB page a while ago and got no responses. Well, let's see what I get now that I have joined the Resolve FB page/group and liked the Self article on Infertility Awareness. These are posted on my profile and my feed. I'm also contemplating a post in the near future fully outing myself as an Infertile and that baby-making isn't easy for everyone. It is very scary, nerve-wracking, relieving and empowering at that same time.
I've started off slowly and subtly, and I'd like to think here in the next few months, I'll have it out there in the open. Where all the world can see. Where it will no longer feel like a dirty, shameful little secret that has to be kept hidden. One little step at a time, but I'll get there.
I am the 1in 6 couples that has fertility issues. I am the 1 in 4 pregnancies that end in loss. I am tired of keeping it quiet.
We've now told family and friends. The parents. B & PG-SIL. I've messaged/emailed a close friend (the one I sent the baby sling to) and filled her in, now that she's moved onto her 2nd trimester. I've told a few work friends, but that's about it.
I posted that link to my FB page a while ago and got no responses. Well, let's see what I get now that I have joined the Resolve FB page/group and liked the Self article on Infertility Awareness. These are posted on my profile and my feed. I'm also contemplating a post in the near future fully outing myself as an Infertile and that baby-making isn't easy for everyone. It is very scary, nerve-wracking, relieving and empowering at that same time.
I've started off slowly and subtly, and I'd like to think here in the next few months, I'll have it out there in the open. Where all the world can see. Where it will no longer feel like a dirty, shameful little secret that has to be kept hidden. One little step at a time, but I'll get there.
I am the 1in 6 couples that has fertility issues. I am the 1 in 4 pregnancies that end in loss. I am tired of keeping it quiet.
******************************************************
Update: I just wanted to thank you all for the great comments and support! It is surprising how even just small steps such as a simple click of the "like" button can fill us with so much fear and confusion! I'm deeply grateful to have you all at my back, cheering.
My mom "liked" my link to the Self article and another friend (house-warmer) "liked" my attendance of the FF Telesummit. While it's just 2 people, it's 2 more people than the day before that know and care. Maybe after in a bit, my outings will be a bit more overt. Maybe I'll even have one in public *gasp*
On 2nd thought, probably not for quite a while yet.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
The Outing
First, Thanks for all the comments Ladies! As for the sleepless bit, I love white noise but it sorta irritates the Boy. Maybe we can find something that would work for the both of us? Hopefully, it goes away really soon.
Second, the parent visit went well. They didn't bring the uncomfortable topic up, so neither did I. There was no tiptoeing around it; it just didn't come up in the course of our conversations. There was the vague "How have ya'll been?" and "Are things going alright with work and all?" as well as greeting hugs, etc. We played with the dogs and just chatted for a bit. Then, out and about to a few places, trying to find us a new coffee table to replace our 7 or 8yr old table. Upon departure, my mom told us to take care and let them know if we need anything between now and their next visit (which is tentatively set for April sometime). "Feel free to stop by our way any time. You should look up here for that coffee table." All in all, a good visit, and very chill.
Some of the comments on my last post as well as several other people's blog posts have got me thinking. Maybe I should come out to just the family about our problems with infertility. Holding onto the "secret" is getting old. I'm tired of hiding it and covering for it. And I'd love to connect to someone IRL about IF
At the same time, I'm absolutely petrified about sharing it and the immense vulnerability that goes along with it. What will people say or do? Will I get the usual garbage advice about relaxing and what worked for cousin Mark's wife's sister's friend? Will I be handled with kid gloves like I'm some sort of fragile piece of glass emotions? All that and I really don't want people to continually be checking on how things are "progressing" especially if they aren't. I don't want nor need any additional reminders than I currently already have about our non-conceived status.
What is the best way to put this news out there? I'm most definitely not the type to post to Facebook "Hey everyone! I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm infertile. After 10 cycles and 5mo of treatment, I'm still not pregnant. I did get pregnant in Jan and then had an early miscarriage. 'Kay thanks, bye." But I'm not sure I want to do it over the phone. I want to be able to put the facts on the table and not have any immediate comments or questions. I want my cake and I want to eat it too.
Why couldn't things be easier and I "accidentally" got knocked up our 1st month off prevention?
Second, the parent visit went well. They didn't bring the uncomfortable topic up, so neither did I. There was no tiptoeing around it; it just didn't come up in the course of our conversations. There was the vague "How have ya'll been?" and "Are things going alright with work and all?" as well as greeting hugs, etc. We played with the dogs and just chatted for a bit. Then, out and about to a few places, trying to find us a new coffee table to replace our 7 or 8yr old table. Upon departure, my mom told us to take care and let them know if we need anything between now and their next visit (which is tentatively set for April sometime). "Feel free to stop by our way any time. You should look up here for that coffee table." All in all, a good visit, and very chill.
Some of the comments on my last post as well as several other people's blog posts have got me thinking. Maybe I should come out to just the family about our problems with infertility. Holding onto the "secret" is getting old. I'm tired of hiding it and covering for it. And I'd love to connect to someone IRL about IF
At the same time, I'm absolutely petrified about sharing it and the immense vulnerability that goes along with it. What will people say or do? Will I get the usual garbage advice about relaxing and what worked for cousin Mark's wife's sister's friend? Will I be handled with kid gloves like I'm some sort of fragile piece of glass emotions? All that and I really don't want people to continually be checking on how things are "progressing" especially if they aren't. I don't want nor need any additional reminders than I currently already have about our non-conceived status.
What is the best way to put this news out there? I'm most definitely not the type to post to Facebook "Hey everyone! I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm infertile. After 10 cycles and 5mo of treatment, I'm still not pregnant. I did get pregnant in Jan and then had an early miscarriage. 'Kay thanks, bye." But I'm not sure I want to do it over the phone. I want to be able to put the facts on the table and not have any immediate comments or questions. I want my cake and I want to eat it too.
Why couldn't things be easier and I "accidentally" got knocked up our 1st month off prevention?
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