I took another big step yesterday evening in outing my infertile self. I've seen this Time article 3 different times in 3 different places now. Either it is some huge coincidence or I'm suppose to do something about it. So, without giving myself the opportunity to hesitate, I hit the FB like button. Minutes later, this pops up on my profile and into the newsfeed.
No response to that either. I wasn't expecting everyone on FB to come swarming my page, but I was hoping someone would see it and be intrigued or concerned enough about it to send me a message or comment or something! When I posted about my depression (re)diagnosis 2yr ago, and then happened put up a profile picture a week or so later that I thought was artsy, but incidentally also contained the Boy's bbgun, BAM! My page is lit up, my phone is ringing, and people are messaging me asking if I'm ok. I hadn't even put it up there to be angsty or deep. I just wanted to change it and liked the look of that one. The bbgun wasn't even prominently featured!
And yet, here I am "liking" a post about m/c and depression and not one little thing. Is it really that taboo of a subject? Maybe I'm over-reacting (very likely). Maybe, just maybe, it is just too subtle for most people to be able to 2 and 2 together. I'm not sure how, but I guess I'll give it reasonable doubt. I'm not quite ready yet to be more overt in my announcements to the whole world, but I think these baby steps are a good start.
Have any of you posted something publicly that you could have sworn would have tipped people off to things, but inadvertently it seemed to have breezed right over their heads?
I'm thinking (hoping) that she's just taking her time to write you back, because she wants to put thought into it. I hope you hear from her soon, and are reassured that she understands...
ReplyDeleteAs for FB, I would be wondering the same thing as you...where is everyone?!? I don't think it's too subtle. Maybe they just don't know what to say? It's an awkward thing for them to click 'like'...but still, I would hope at least someone would comment!
Haven't come out on FB yet. Thought about it, but just haven't been able to yet...as it is, only my hubby knows about my blog!
I agree with Amanda's first paragraph. After attending one of my best friends showers after having been trying for a year, we drifted apart and when we came back I explained to her why it was so hard to be there and how I didn't feel I could explain all the sadness (and anger) I was having. It opened her eyes and she actually apologized for pushing me to come, knowing I didn't want to come. Since that talk, she has been one of my biggest supporters and one of the only pregnant friends i can always be around (she has since had her 2nd kid). I think being open and honest allows someone time to understand. You did what you could and if she is too wrapped up in her joy to see your pain, then so be it. But try not to worry about it.
ReplyDeleteAs for FB...people are not that smart a lot of times and/or don't know how to react.
Yes, I agree with the above. I hope your friend is just taking her time to send you a thoughtful response.
ReplyDeleteDeciding what to post on FB is a real issue. I kept my ectopic a complete secret and did not let anyone know what was going on. Another person I know had one a few months later and posted about it and got tons of responses (including from me.) I guess I thought that I wanted to keep it all as private as possible, but I would have appreciated some kind of response (a paradox I know) I think I was also worried about idiot comments like 'it's fun to keep trying though!' which someone who had actually had an mc said to me when I told her about the ectopic.
ReplyDeleteI hate that feeling after sending an email like that...constantly checking, waiting for a response. I think what you wrote sounded great though. And I agree with others above...people just don't know what to say, your SIL, and on FB as well. The thing with email is that it does give us the chance to step back and formulate a response. I admire that you told her how you are feeling. It's really hard. (I helped plan my SIL's shower last year after my chemical...that was really hard too, so I totally know where you are coming from...and why does it seem like everyone has a pregnant/fertile SIL?)
ReplyDeleteYou've had an awesome few days of honesty! I love it! I don't think most people know how to respond to the IF reveal. It's almost like a dirty little secret. Good for you for going for it and people on fb are dumb.
ReplyDeleteSorry you had crickets :(
ReplyDeleteLast year during Infertility Awareness Week, I posted something on fb and also got crickets. I think people really just don't know what to say, but I expected private messages or something at least! Just goes to show how much more education people need.
I'm trying to keep it in context and think of how much I don't know about something like autism or the like and how I'd react (or not react) if someone told me something about this. I'd probably say the wrong thing... but the more I learn about it and get exposed to it (thanks, Parent.hood the tv show), the more I'm sensitive to it. So... I think it's a good thing if we all pioneer the way to better educate others on this.
I'm still a closeted IF'er...after three years. There are so many articles I see that I want to link to on Facebook, but I don't. The only thing I did do...unintentionally...was to "friend" my infertility center on FB. Crickets. I can't say I was unhappy at that response, because it gave me hope that no one noticed what I'd done...or put two and two together. I get confronted with the social stigma attached with IF all the time...I just can't invite it into my life.
ReplyDeleteAs for your SIL, I agree with earlier sentiments that she is likely trying to be careful about how she responds. I hate to go back to the cancer analogy, but when friends have confided in me that they have received a cancer diagnosis, I have a tough time conversing...even by email. I am so scared of saying something inconsiderate or inadvertently insensitive. I spend a lot more time on those emails because I care about the person and respect what the person is going through. I am sure it is the same with your SIL.