Saturday, December 31, 2011

Counting Down to 2012 (oh, and baby, maybe?)

I'm so very excited for all the possibilities and potential that 2012 holds! 2011 has been an O-K year, but definitely filled with too many ups and downs to simply classify it as a good year or bad year.

Not entirely sure how we'll be ringing in the new year just yet. If you had asked me last week, it would have been possibly hanging with a few friends. Now, plans are kinda in limbo.

On Christmas and earlier in the week, I lost that glamorous mucus plug. Then at my 38w check up on Thursday, the Dr told me that I was already 2cm dilated. While I know that doesn't mean baby is imminent, he said I was ahead of the curve for 1st timers. So I've spent Thursday and Friday checking the TP with renewed vigor for some tinges of blood that would further show progress is being made. The irony is not lost on me though. I spent the last 30-some-odd weeks in fear of anything remotely reddish in color showing up. Now? Bring it.

Everyone keeps chatting me up about labor and baby's arrival. My mom and FIL were betting on the 30th. MIL says a NYE or NY day baby would be awesome. And since all the females on my side of the family have gone into labor prior to their due date, I've been entertaining the notion of meeting baby sooner, rather than later. I'm not sure why I think that trend will continue with me. The fertile/accidental pregnancy(ies) thing sure didn't. What makes me think that anything else reproductively will go the same?

I have to admit, I'm dying to meet my baby. I'd love to go into labor any day, hour or minute now. I'm not really doing anything to rush baby before it's ready, but if the kiddo decides it is time to come out, I'm totally cool with that! But for now, I just feel like I'm stuck in another waiting game. Everyone telling me I could go at any minute and how cool this day or that would be isn't helping either. The Boy is over me being pregnant. He wants our little munchkin to be here 5 minutes ago. Nothing is really helping in making the time go by quicker or distracting me with all that coming my way. It's almost worse than the 2ww. This wait, I have to make sure that the essentials are close at hand should we need to rush to the hospital. Can't/don't really want to go too far from home or the hospital, ya know, just in case. That and I don't really have the energy or range of movement to do all too much anyways.

I've also discovered my newest fear. It's pretty ridiculous, but I'm very much afraid of it. I'm petrified that I won't know I'm in labor, and I'll end up having the kid in the toilet thinking I just had to use the restroom or something. I've been having lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, but since they aren't painful or stop me in my tracks, I haven't been really paying attention to them. What if they are real, honest to goodness labor contractions? What if my incessant need to pee is actually my amniotic fluid leaking out slowly? Everyone says I'll know when the real show is on the road, but what if I don't?

At least if I was in the 2ww, I could justify a drink (pregnancy not likely, and no shared blood flow either way). That and I could fit into something cute and go out for the night. This NYE looks to be shaping up for 1 of 2 outcomes- either I'm sitting at home in pj pants and a shirt that doesn't meet the waistband or I'm wearing a hospital gown trying to push out a baby. Neither is as glamorous as a big night out on the town, drinking and partying, but I'm sure ya'll can all guess which one I'd rather it be!!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

The BIG Drop

I'm not referring to my holiday season lack of decorating, card mailing and present buying.

I'm not even referencing the NYE ball drop.


I'm talking about my belly. It's lowering more and more each day. I am actually, honestly, and undeniably waddling these days. I need help up off the couch or chairs most of the time. If I squat down to look or pick anything up, someone had best be next to me to pull me up! That, or I have to fall to my butt, get on my hands and knees, and pull myself up using nearby, stable objects. And just an FYI (and probably TMI too), a mucus plug is like EWCM on crack and steroids! Plus, it isn't accompanied by the urge to pounce the husband, much to both our dismay.

It took almost the whole 9 months, but I'm at the point where I can't help but complain. My back is killing me. My boobs feel like lead weights on my chest half the time. My ankles and feet are swollen more often then not. I have to visit the restroom far to frequently for my personal comfort. Sleep is elusive. I have 2 bottoms and 3 shirts that kinda, sorta fit and cover the burgeoning belly and are decently comfortable. Oh, and the on-again-off-again nausea has returned. I don't think I even need to mention the pendulum that is my emotions. Did I mention the lightening punches to my cervix?

Still, even given all the physical discomforts, the hormonal roller-coaster of my mental state, and the fact that I'm barreling ever faster to my due date, I'm still overjoyed and immensely grateful to be pregnant. To have the opportunity to have these things to complain about, mostly just to the Boy. 90% of people I know or those strangers that find out I'm 38w continually mention how I must be beyond ready to get this baby out of me. That I should be begging to go into labor ASAP. Honestly, I'm not. Sure, I mean I'm uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean I still don't relish having my baby staying in until (s)he is ready, growing strong and staying healthy in the mean time.

Besides, I've gotten pretty good at being pregnant (or at least I think so). I know what I'm doing, mostly, and things have been going pretty well. This next part? I'm not 100% sure about it. Are we truly ready to be completely responsible for another human being? Babies, from what I hear, are a lot different from puppies and kittens, at least in the beginning. While I can't wait to be a mom, will I be a good one? Will my child be happy to have me as a parent years down the road? How can I make sure that I don't screw this kid up for life? Compared to all those thoughts and worries, labor doesn't even remotely frighten me.

Hopefully, before the end of the week, I can work up the courage to finish packing my labor and hospital bags...

Friday, December 23, 2011

Paging Dr. WTF!

I wonder if doctors have to take etiquette classes in med school. From my experience, I doubt it. It definitely needs to be a requirement though. Special session: Infertile Etiquette.

Yesterday, during my routine (and now weekly) Ob check-up, after the Q&A session and hearing the heartbeat, the Doc checks my fundal height. Out of the blue, "Excuse me a moment" and out the door he goes. I can hear him talking with a nurse out in the hall for several minutes. He re-enters. Without any apology or explanation- "Will you be around tomorrow? I'd like to schedule you for an ultrasound."

The panic alarm goes off in my brain. I don't think anything is really wrong, but I always go to the worse case scenario in my head. The fact that this just came out of left field caught me off guard as well. The last thing a Dr should do is make a pregnant lady worry about the health of her baby. It should never be done to someone who has gone through infertility.

Apparently, I'm measuring small for date. I've been so pretty much the whole time. It seems like the last few weeks it has been drastic enough for them to be concerned that their may be some growth restriction or something else possibly going on with baby. He even said "We don't want to be surprised and caught unprepared for a 4-4.5lb baby." Do they always have to bring on the bad options and save the only good option for last? "It could just be that everything is fine, and you are just smaller."

I was never expecting a big baby. Heck, I wasn't even 6lbs at birth. My mom's biggest baby was 6.5lbs. The boy was an 8 pounder, but he's not a very large guy. I've always been small and petite. I would be astounded if baby was to be >8lbs!

Why couldn't the Dr just say "It's most likely that you're measuring small because you and your husband are smaller people, but just to make sure that there isn't anything more serious going on, I'd like to get you in for an ultrasound in the next few days."? Would that be so difficult?

In the end, baby is measuring fine. A bit smaller at 36w4d rather than 37w3d, but in the 37th percentile off measurements. The u/s tech said baby is probably about 6-6.5lbs (ish) and my fluid levels are good. "I know he just wanted to make sure, but I'm not surprised that everything is fine. You're not very big yourself. It should be nice not to deliver a 9lb baby though!" The techs always amaze me. They can so easily find what they are looking for in there. I could barely tell what was what this time as it was all jumbled and squashed up together.

Long story short: Dr. made a "could go into labor any day now" infertile pregnant lady thing something might have gone wrong since the last u/s at 24w. I seriously kept going back to the thought that I've made it all this way for something to go wrong at the end?All it would have taken to prevent that is a change in wording!

At least now we have some small peace of mind over the holidays that things are good. Baby and I are healthy and doing well. Hopefully, the trend continues onto delivery and well beyond...

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

I've missed the Holiday Hooplah bus.

3 (or 4 depending on how you look at it) days until Christmas. Here's what I've completed for the holiday:

Put up 2 wreaths in the windows and a bow on the front door.
Decorated the chandelier tree I showed last post.
Hung holiday cards and stockings from the mantle

The end.

Writing and sending out Christmas cards is just not going to happen this year. Heck, Christmas is on Sunday, and I've accomplished exactly ZERO gift shopping. Zilch. Nada.

Thankfully, family and friends have given me the "preggo pass" on some of these things, but that does nothing to ease my guilt of coming off as Scrooge or the Grinch. Christmas just snuck up on me this year, it seems.

Some of my guilt and self-shaming is alleviated has been countered by me not asking for anything for Christmas. There is nothing really that I want that people can get me. I'm truly just thankful to have family that I can spend it with since my folks moved down here (which means my other sisters will be visiting here). Previously, it would have just been the Boy and I sitting on the couch with Christmas Spaghetti or the like. It's apparently not highly recommended to be traveling a few hours from the hospital at almost 38w pregnant. Go figure. Also, his parents will be coming up to visit on Tuesday, so that will be great as well.

All I'd really like for the holidays is to spend time with family. Now, if some one was able to wrap it up and put a bow on it, I'd love assurance that baby will arrive safely, and we'll both be happy and healthy at the end of it all. But since that doesn't fit well in any box, I'll just take family time.

Here is hoping everyone out there have a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Awesome Kwanza, and Jolly Festivus! May your days be Merry and Bright and you get all that you want under the tree, menorah, etc. I'd put a baby under them if it was in my power!!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Busy Bee Sampler

Woohoo! Another post! And only 2.5wk between them... Oh well...

I figured that rather than a long, text-filled post, I'd join the photo bandwagon for a change and show you guys some of the things that I've been filling my time with these last few months, weeks, etc. You know, as proof that I haven't just been sitting on my (expanding) butt on the couch the whole time.

**WARNING: there are several baby and pregnancy related pics below. I've tried to group them as best I can if you need to skip on past them. I totally understand.**

Our still un-completed deck that was started in September.
Eventually, one day, we'll finish staining it, put up the last few rail spindles and do the benches...

Sparse Christmas decorations. Just a little bit for that holiday feel,
without all the work of a full on tree and exterior lighting.

Lots and lots of painting involved. And even more moving things from one room to
another and back again! Eventually, that will become an actual, usable closet and room!

I've written so many as you can see. That whole stack is blank...

 Oh and when I am on my kiester on the couch (Boy calls it my "fort"), I'm doing 1 of 2 things:

1) Internet-y things. Primarily, email, blogs, and P.interest. Lots and lots of pinning! (There is far to much good food and amazing crafts on that site!!) Oh and hunting for some awesome craigs.list finds for the nursery, etc.

This has probably been my best find/deal ever!
$50 and in great condition- original caning and finish.

2) Experiencing things like this:

The closest I'm going to come to posting a "bump" pic on here.
Enjoy my "beauty mark", scar, and wonderful linea negra!
Yeah... it's like a college dorm room in there - very little space but lots of partying! We've reached the "Countdown" stage. Just 1 month to go (ish) and hopefully the last 1.5yr+ will all have been worth it!

And if anyone is wondering, my weight gain reached about 30lbs total now. I've never been one to really gain or lose weight in any real amount, but to have put on 30lbs in pretty much 4-5m blows me away! To think, I was doubting that I could gain it when the Docs 1st told me. I don't mind the amount, and I'm sure it has all gone to my boobs, butt, hips, and of course belly. For being 8m pregnant, I'm feeling pretty good 90% of the time. Here's hoping that keeps through the holidays!