Step 3: Dive In.

Kinda going gung-ho on TTC# 2 a bit. I figured if I ordered a ridiculous number of opts and hpts that Murphy's law would have it that I wouldn't need to use many of them. I thought 60 opts and 30 hpts (as a bundle option) was respectable for such an attempt.

Opts, hpts and sperm pills, Oh my!

And since there were soooo many of each, and it's been a while since I've POAS, I took one of each.

Eerrr Eerrrrtt!

Anyone else surprised by this? I wasn't, but man, did it feel satisfying to do that again. I won't lie an say I wasn't hoping a 2nd line would appear on that hpt (blue one).

At this point, I'd actually be happy with a darker 2nd line on the opts. I'm not sure if it's the nursing, which is just in the morning and before bedtime, or if my body is just more screwed up now than it was before Em, but things are not happening. I'm at cd44 today. I had a bout of semi-fertile CM from cd15-19 (pre-Em "normal") and then nothing. Then again at cd34-37, with 2 days of EWish CM, even. And still nothing. Not once has those opts come close to being positive. Sigh...

I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I'm feeling on the fence about weaning fully, but to be honest, since cutting down on the number or times and amount she nurses, I don't think I'm really producing all that much milk. Plus, she's *finally* sleeping through the night and even going to bed pretty easily 9 times out of 10 these days (only took 17m). The girls just aren't filling the nursing bras anymore, even when feeling full-ish. I'm kind of sad to be losing them. Going from a 34A to a 34 full C was awesome! I'm choosing to ignore the 3wks where they were like DD mountains on my chest when my milk came in because that was just awkward. Now, I'm not quite back to my 34A, but my well-worn bummy bras that are probably equivalent to a 32B are fitting pretty great these days. I was really hoping to keep some of the boob growth, but doesn't look like it's in the cards.

But back to my lack of cycle. I can not, for my sanity's sake, keep having month and a half long or longer cycles. I don't know how women deal with this regularly. I know my 28-29d cycles pre-baby were not even close to textbook, but I knew roughly what to expect and could plan for the next month/cycle. Now, I'm completely lost and don't have any clue about what to expect or as it's currently going, not to expect. Maybe I should put a call into the RE? Not sure what he'll be able to do about it, though until I'm not longer breastfeeding.

Has anyone else had longer cycles post baby? Did they regulate eventually?

But to keep this post from being all ho-hum and Debby-Downer, here is some adorable Em!

Update?

No change.

I still feel like I did yesterday - kinda crappy.

I didn't drink anything after 9pm last night to concentrate my pee for testing this morning. The "line" is the same. A little whisper of pink. It could be slightly more pink (maybe?) but still just as light as yesterday's.

I have a beta draw scheduled tomorrow morning at 8:15a. They didn't ask what dpo I was, so I didn't volunteer the info. Last time, they didn't want me to come in until after 15dpo. I can't wait that long.

Last night, while settling down for bed, I was talking with the Boy about being scared and not excited. He understands. In fact, he said he doesn't really feel anything about it right now. We aren't hedging our bets just yet. He gives it 60/40 of working out this time. We also discussed me talking with the RE about starting PIO if the betas do well. I didn't want to do the injections over suppositories as my period comes on its own with the supps, but would be delayed until I stopped the PIO after blood draws, etc. We wait enough without losing a few days each cycle to have the extra progesterone level my blood stream.

I'm more than willing to give myself these shots each day if it would mean keeping this sliver of pink. I just don't want to delay the inevitable, though.

I hate the waiting...