Somewhat Good News

3.
Then 6.
Then 7.
Now, 8 and counting!

My LP is slowly becoming longer, most likely thanks to the Letro and progesterone supps. Since I was able to make it to (and past) 7dpo, I took my NP's offer to come in and have my "cd21" levels check. Two things about this irked me, though.  First, they ask if I'm on cd21. Of course, I have to lie and say yes. If I came in on cd21, I'd be 3dpo and won't expect my prog # to be even remotely close to normal. Heck, it was only just over expect for a medicated cycle both times I had positive betas! Second, it took them almost all day to call me back, and started with their preference for scheduling these a day or 2 in advance. It's not really easy to explain to them that you didn't even know you'd be able to get your levels checked in the appropriate time range until the evening before or that morning. I really wanted to get snarky and tell the nurse on the phone "I gave you as much notice as I had in the matter." Not sure how well that would have flown...

In unrelated news, I've peed on just as many hpt sticks as days post-ovulation. I wasn't completely foolish; I waited until 3dpo to start... And took 2 a few of those days... This is so hard! I was so excited that I reached 8dpo this cycle, and with the knowledge that I was already feeling icky at this point with Em, it was a hard urge to not start testing. Plus, I've got like 30 of them sitting next to the toilet. Shockingly (or not), none of them have had more that a lone line on that stark white strip.

I don't think it is going to happen this month. For more reasons than there is no 2nd line yet at 8dpo.
a) My CM just started to change to fertile-like 2d prior to a +opt, not the usual 4-5d lead up.
b) Because of the short notice and the fact that my ovaries have it in for me, we only had one baby-making session in before I O'd the next day. At least my body is keeping with the "O 12-18hrs after +opt" pattern it was prior to baby...
c) I caught Em's cold and have been super congested all this week. I'm sure all the decongestants and mucus-fighting meds I've been taking aren't exactly creating a great environment for a developing embryo.

On a less Trick note, I'm going to share Em's Hallow.een costume. I bought it on clearance at Tar.get last year for $5. After doctoring it with some sleeves and a feather boa, all in, it was still ~$10 for a cute costume. And she LOVED it!

Cutest chicken ever!! Complete with "Baak, Baak", wing flapping, and beak pecking. This girl loves her animal sounds and movements. Carving the pumpkin was pretty fun, too. Squishing the insides was so much fun for this rambunctious toddler. It kept her occupied AND happy for almost 15min!

I'll try to get back and update with my progesterone levels and outcome of this cycle early next week. It's kind of defeating to keep coming back here to say "Not this time" or "Crap short cycle/LP again." While I'd really prefer it to end with 2 lines, I'd be pretty stoked with 10-12d for a LP. Besides, next cycle would mean an August tidbit, and that would be friggin' rad- no birthday month sharing!

FINALLY!!

3 months.

90 days.

Finally, a positive opt! I guess 5th time's the charm?

Strangely enough, I've had a +opt for 2 days now alongside a huge temp drop yesterday. I've been feeling very uncomfortable and bloated-like. I'm hoping this is going to be a good strong ovulation that will reset my body back onto a more normal cycle. We've been trying each time I've had that oh so fun vaginal gold (EWCM).

Truncated so it would fit on the screen without having to scroll over so much...
Also, to reflect when I started temping consistently (-ish).

 While I'd be overjoyed if this ridiculous cycle paid off, I'd be completely happy if it just ended as well. In all honesty, I've already looked up the possible due date if we were successful (May 8th, 2014), and we could share the news with family and friends around Thanksgiving. Planning ahead just a bit, huh? I'm also entertaining fears of twins and triplets with how uncomfortable my ovaries have been the last several days. My anxiety has lead to some pretty crazy and out there imaginary worries and scenarios. Fun-times.

If what I expect to happen does, I plan to take the Letro.zole cd4-7 next cycle even though Em still nurses a tad in the mornings. I think if I take it after she nurses, there should be very little in my milk that she's drinking very little of as it has a short half-life and will only be for 5 days. Plus, it's a fairly low dose. I would love a June baby as no one on either side has a birthday in June (or August, but I really don't want to wait 2m to have a positive preg test). This thinking has really driven home how much it suck to be TTC after IF and loss. I don't get to truly be one of those women that can "plan" a pregnancy.

"Gee, August would be such a lovely month to have a baby! Guess I should go make one now. Yipee!" (Which is almost exactly what a friend of mine is worried about right now. Her and her husband agreed to wait until she defended her PhD in October to start trying and had an incident that lead to unprotected sex. Now, they are both a bit freaked that she's likely pregnant. Seriously?! Ugh.)

Anyways, my preference would be to get pregnant ASAP, but I'm not banking on it. At all. Hopefully, it doesn't take months and months and months as I've already gone through 2 of our planned months of TTC with jack-squat happening. I've turned my Rx from the RE for the Letro and progesterone "bullets" into the pharmacy. I 100% plan to start the progesterone after it's confirmed that I've ovulated. I also 100% plan to make and appt to get my levels check around 7dpo as my NP-ObGyn so kindly offered anytime I wanted. It's strange that it's cheaper to do it there than the RE's even though it's the same time and test, so I'm glad I have that option.

I'd like to end this rambling post with this: Trying to conceive is a mind-f*ck and I hope I keep my sanity by the end of it.

(One last edition: I'm addicted to POAS. Again. Good thing I have 50 more opts and 15 more hpts on their way to me in the next few days, right?)

Step 3: Dive In.

Kinda going gung-ho on TTC# 2 a bit. I figured if I ordered a ridiculous number of opts and hpts that Murphy's law would have it that I wouldn't need to use many of them. I thought 60 opts and 30 hpts (as a bundle option) was respectable for such an attempt.

Opts, hpts and sperm pills, Oh my!

And since there were soooo many of each, and it's been a while since I've POAS, I took one of each.

Eerrr Eerrrrtt!

Anyone else surprised by this? I wasn't, but man, did it feel satisfying to do that again. I won't lie an say I wasn't hoping a 2nd line would appear on that hpt (blue one).

At this point, I'd actually be happy with a darker 2nd line on the opts. I'm not sure if it's the nursing, which is just in the morning and before bedtime, or if my body is just more screwed up now than it was before Em, but things are not happening. I'm at cd44 today. I had a bout of semi-fertile CM from cd15-19 (pre-Em "normal") and then nothing. Then again at cd34-37, with 2 days of EWish CM, even. And still nothing. Not once has those opts come close to being positive. Sigh...

I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I'm feeling on the fence about weaning fully, but to be honest, since cutting down on the number or times and amount she nurses, I don't think I'm really producing all that much milk. Plus, she's *finally* sleeping through the night and even going to bed pretty easily 9 times out of 10 these days (only took 17m). The girls just aren't filling the nursing bras anymore, even when feeling full-ish. I'm kind of sad to be losing them. Going from a 34A to a 34 full C was awesome! I'm choosing to ignore the 3wks where they were like DD mountains on my chest when my milk came in because that was just awkward. Now, I'm not quite back to my 34A, but my well-worn bummy bras that are probably equivalent to a 32B are fitting pretty great these days. I was really hoping to keep some of the boob growth, but doesn't look like it's in the cards.

But back to my lack of cycle. I can not, for my sanity's sake, keep having month and a half long or longer cycles. I don't know how women deal with this regularly. I know my 28-29d cycles pre-baby were not even close to textbook, but I knew roughly what to expect and could plan for the next month/cycle. Now, I'm completely lost and don't have any clue about what to expect or as it's currently going, not to expect. Maybe I should put a call into the RE? Not sure what he'll be able to do about it, though until I'm not longer breastfeeding.

Has anyone else had longer cycles post baby? Did they regulate eventually?

But to keep this post from being all ho-hum and Debby-Downer, here is some adorable Em!