12 months = 1 year. Whoa...

Holy cow... When did this happen? How do I no longer have an infant, but a toddler instead?

The Holidays were great, but super hectic and busy. I loved having the 10 days straight with my little one, and it made going back to work after New Year's Day that much harder. After that, it was getting things ready for her *First Birthday Party*.  So this post is a bit late and likely, a bit long and photo heavy.
 
We did Christmas morning at our house and then headed over to my parents for the rest of the day for Christmas dinner and more presents! Em made out like a bandit, getting lots of toys and clothes. Several days later, we drove down to visit with my in-laws, where Em got more presents and some Christmas cash. All in all, it was exhausting, but she loved it and got the hang of opening gifts. It was great practice for her birthday.

We had a shoot with the photographer that did our family photos (that were used in the holiday card I posted last). In prep for Em's 1st birthday party, we did a cake smash session. It was ridiculously messy, and crazy fun. Em knew just what to do with the cake and had no fear. She did have to stop for milk breaks a time or 2 and was in definite need of a bath directly after we finished. The photog did a great job. I'm glad she didn't make me choose just my 5 favorites as I don't think I would have been able to narrow it down to less than 8 or 10. Here are a few tidbits.

I went back to work; she went back to daycare. That Thursday, I went to feed her in the afternoon as usual. They told me she had thrown up a little bit ago. Thinking it may have been from post-nasal drip/phlegm she's been having, I nursed her. We got up from the chair, and vomit volcanoed all down me and in the chair. Then a 2nd time about 10 min later. She left daycare early and the Boy took care of her the rest of the afternoon until I could leave work. She just kept throwing up. Poor thing was just tired and not feeling well. After a slightly better Friday of me staying home with her and limiting food, but pushing liquids in little volumes, we made an appt that Saturday. We would have done so sooner if she had a fever or anything else, but she seemed her normal self when not puking. Turns out, it was a pretty good ear infection in both ears from the cold we all had a few weeks before. Antibiotics and rest were the prescription. And this is where I think I have one of the strangest kids. She LOVED taking the Amox.icillin. LOVED it! She also gulps down any of the Ty.lenol/Mot.rin we've given her previously. She was feeling more herself in a few days, no throw up, and by the following Wednesday/Thursday, I got to sleep in another position than sitting up, holding her.

Then she turned 1 on the 8th. It was a bittersweet day, to say the least. It honestly feels like we were trying just a bit ago, I was pregnant the other day, and she was born just yesterday (almost). Time has flown faster than I could have imagined. We spend that whole week prepping the house for her party on the 12th. When you don't really have time/energy to clean well over a span of, say, a year and a half, it is a beast to tackle in a week. Thankfully, we got it most of the way, and what we couldn't get went to hide in the office.

Her party was a good bit of fun. We asked for books instead of cards, and boy, did she ever get books! There were 8 kids there under 5yrs, and my 11yr old niece. Most surprisingly, no one had a tantrum or breakdown. All the little ones had a good time in the living room, playing with toys, each other and the dogs. We did presents after all had arrived and had time to eat some of the snacks/food we set out. Presents were immediately followed by cake and cupcakes for the guest. Em really dug getting to eat a cake all to herself again. Another bath ensued directly after that. The day was a whirlwind for me, and I had forgotten to take photos of it all before the party started. Darn it.

As for what she's up to these days, she is quite the busy body. Her staggering walk is morphing into a run rather quickly.  Still keeping to the "d" "p" and "b" sounds. No "mama" yet, just lots of "doad" and "dada."

Dogs. One of her favorite things. Her dogs. Dogs on tv. In a book. A puzzle. A picture. A bark. All of them prompt a "Doad" from her. She loves a good puppy dog.

She's a genius. Well, maybe not genius, but she's figuring things out. How to stack and unstack things rather than just knock them down. Taking things in and out of containers, which she likes to open and close as well. The other day, she took the pitcher we use for giving the dogs water, and dragged it over to their bowl and turned it upside down onto it. Granted, there was nothing in it (thankfully!), but she got the picture.

Sitting in chairs. It's crazy to think about how fascinating chairs are, but they seem to be the other big thing she's wild about right now. She tries to climb into her highchair. She'll climb into her bumbo-like seat. And since my parents brought it over, the kid-sized lawn chair. which brings me to the next item...

Climbing. Oh Lord, the climbing. If it is her height or less, she'll climb on just about anything. The aforementioned chairs, the dogs, toys, laundry baskets, us, and unfortunately, even the fireplace. I'm guessing it some ingrained, left-over instinct from our monkey days as she hasn't seen us climb anything, but she just seems to know how to do it and what's the best way to get up to where she wants to be. I see some very tiring days in my future.

She's working on a few more teeth. The level of drool and gnawing are astounding to me compared to what she had/did with the last round. I'm hoping these come quicker as I don't think I have another month of practically sleepless nights in me.

There is probably more things I meant to talk about in this post, but by this point I've forgotten them. Besides, I think this has rambled on long enough. Hopefully, since all the hectic-ness of the holidays and her birthday have settled, maybe I'll be able to post more. We'll see. I really only have a bit of time free on evenings while she's sleeping, otherwise I'm chasing or otherwise entertaining my toddler. Sigh, I can't believe she's no longer the little tiny thing we brought home, but an honest-to-goodness toddler...

Happy Holidays to all!

I know this time of year can be really hard and rough for those still in the trenches. Heck, 2 Christmases ago, we were told that we had a better chance at winning the lottery than conceiving without IVF and ICSI. That was a sad, sad holiday season for me. All I wanted was a baby.

Last year, the only thing I wanted for the holidays was the same, except I was 38w and that dream rainbow baby could have come at any moment. I just wanted a healthy baby born.

This year, I can't really think of much I want for Christmas. Not something that can be purchased for or gifted to me. I can't wait to see Christmas through the eyes of a child, and this year, it's going to be my child. I love the fascination Emma has for the twinkling lights, brightly wrapped presents under the tree, and playing with the (child-safe) ornaments on the tree.

Christmas is a time for family and friends. Those by blood, by marriage. Old and new. Near, far. Those IRL, and those only a mouse click away. I'd like to say that you are all part of my blogging family and internet friends.

From my little family to you, Blogosphere: Merry Christmas, Happy, Hanukkah and the very happiest of New Years. May your dreams come true in 2013!

Crank it to 11!

Wow.

Last month as an "infant", but she'll always be my baby.

things have just been crazy between work, home, holidays and chasing after Em. I went on a work related day trip to DC to give a presentation on some work/research we did in conjunction with another institution there with my boss and the other PhD/mini-boss (from last post). It went alright, but man, is it a pain in the keister to fly with a cooler and breast milk! Between prep and traveling for that presentation and holiday prep, time has just slipped through my fingers!

We had Thanksgiving at Boy's brother's house. It was delicious food (BIL is a chef) and good times with the family. Lots of babies though. Em, her 2 cousins there, and 3 cousins from the baby-crazed SIL that just had her boy in September.

So where are we at since last monthly update?

- Walking. Well, really it's mostly attempts to run, but this girl can cross a room upright these days! Crawling is still the fastest mode of self-propulsion around the house.

-  Climbing. She has learned that she can stand on things and crawl into them. his is great for the high chair, any other chair, and her play seat. Not so great for pretty much everything else.

- She speaks! Sorta. "Daat" means either Dad, dog, that or cat. It really depends on what she's pointing at for that moment. But she loves to point at things that she finds interesting.

- Blowing kisses. Completely precious. She even makes the "mwah" sound!

- "Blowing" her nose. As of yesterday, she pretend sneezes into a tissue or cloth or does so in response to us sneezing. Super timely as we are both dealing with the cold from daycare.

She is spending a few days each week in the toddlers room at daycare. It's to get her use to the other kids, teachers, and routine. She does well in there according to the teachers and enjoys the more frequent outside time. And the snack times. Girl loves to eat!

Emma seems to understand what to do with presents. Ribbons, bows, and wrapping paper corners are just not safe in this house. She didn't care too much about the Christmas tree until this past week or so. Now, she likes to play with the ornaments on the lower branches. On, off, on, off, repeat until something moves elsewhere or there is a noise.

Let's talk holiday shopping. We initially only planned to get Em a few things and to start her college fund. I'll just say it is so easy to get swept up buying for your child. She has a gift under the tree from each of us, items in her stocking, and I'm having to keep myself from buying her a cute holiday outfit or toy or what have you. I can't wait to see how she reacts to opening gifts come Christmas.

I still can't believe my next monthly update will be her 1st birthday. We are planning a rather small, casual get-together for the event. I found a party supply theme of Little Golden Books that I think will be awesome for a kid's party.

What a year this has been...

My happy little girl!

Infertility - The Gift that keeps on giving, and giving, and giving..

Here I am, practically 11m out from being "cured" of my IF with the glorious birth of my baby girl.

And yet, why does a pregnancy announcement still gut me?

Truth be told, it's not just a PG announcement, but a "surprise pregnancy/oopsie" announcement.

I found out on Friday from a friend/co-worker that the co-worker that irritates the daylights out of me on a regular basis had posted on FB that she was expecting a baby boy.

If we rewind to about 1.5-2m ago, I had suspicions that she was pregnant based off behavior and belly shape. I went to check out her FB page as we were friends on there. Or so I thought. De-friended. Oh well, and I shoved it to the back of my mind. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, and I was practically positive she was due to behavior, belly shape, and wardrobe choices. Hubs convinced me that I'm just trying to see babies where there aren't any as I'm "baby-crazy". Besides, Not but a few months before when she was complaining that her BF hadn't popped the question and they'd been together for X yrs, she explicitly stated that she wants kids with him, but much much farther down the line.

Guess that line was much shorter than she thought.

It was also relayed to me that she didn't know she was pregnant until she was about 3m along. How in the World?!?! I thought she was pregnant at that point; how come she was just finding out then? And shockingly, that timing coincided well with them getting engaged.

How on earth is it fair for her to get pregnant on super accident and then to skip out on teh the worry, anxiety and fear of the 1st trimester?

I tried to be the bigger person and sent her a message over the weekend to congratulate them with no response. Monday morning, I sent her a health and safety form that needed to be filled out updating her "status" that really should have been done around the 12-16w mark, not at 5m along. From that stand point though, she really should have told me sooner. If you've told other people in the lab (students, etc), then maybe it would be behoove you to also inform the lab/safety manager so that things can be put into process and your unborn fetus can be protected from potential hazards that you may not be aware of in a laboratory setting?

I tried to suck it all up yesterday and be nice, polite and attempt interactivity. This morning, I knew that was going to be a failure. I couldn't stand being around her and her blase attitude regarding something so many people would give anything to have. I was blinking back tears every time I saw her and her no longer concealed bulging belly.

Each time, it was as if all the fear and hurt and anger from loss and IF came slamming back to me. I kept feeling on the verge of breaking down. I had to do something about it, so I had a little "chat" with her supervisor/my co-worker. I had to fill her in that we went through a lot to have Emma and as such, being around her the last 2 days of it being "official", I just am not handling it well. When it was just my hunch and all, I could just play it off as "She's just fatter now" or that I was seeing things like the Boy said. But with it being really real, I just can't deal with her at the moment. I hated having to have that talk. I had hoped that I could be really professional about it and just bite it back, but alas, IF wins again. Thankfully, she understood and is going to help as best she can to minimize our interactions for a while.

It was still awkward, but at least I wasn't in tears the rest of the day. I hate this so much. I wish there was a cure for IF and the damage it does was easily repaired...

My Perfect Ten

She just keeps getting cuter, doesn't she?! (Why, no; I'm not at all biased.)

I wish I had posted before now, but this last month has been crazy. The weather can't make up it's mind. The wee one is all over the place, getting into things. There's also the sleep deprivation that I've been battling. I understand, but really wish I didn't have to have.

If you remember from last post, she had just broke her 1st tooth. Well, since October 2nd, she's added 5 more teeth. That's 6 teeth in 30 days. Rough. The good and bad news is that she's learned how to use them. Ouch! Thankfully, she's a quick study and has learned that biting means no nursing.

Halloween was a low key affair here. We sorta dressed her up, took a few pics, and handed out a tiny bit of candy to a few trick-or-treaters.

What? No candy for me?

So the rundown for the last month(ish) of happenings around here:

- 6 teeth. 2 bottom, 4 top. The upper right canine is starting to come down, and we can see the lump of the tooth in her gums. Let the fun begin again...

- Free standing. She's letting go of things more and more these days and just -standing- there. Baby girl is getting more and more confidence. Speaking of letting go...

- Baby steps. Yup. This weekend, Em took a few toddling steps a time or two. When she's not thinking about it, she just does it. My heart skipped beats. I was dumbfounded.

- Silly noises. She can do "waabbaa, waabaa" with her hand on her mouth (back of her hand) and blows raspberries like a pro. She'll fake cough and do this half laugh "Hee, hee, hee."

She's getting so big and more grown-up everyday it seems. I can't even begin to grasp the idea that she'll be ONE YEAR old in just a few more weeks. I fear it's just going to fly by with all the holidays and happenings. It is totally cliche, but my precious little newborn has almost turned into a toddler in just a few blinks of an eye.

It doesn't think even seem possible that this time last year, I was having my shower and Emma was just a jumble in my belly...

To those still in the trenches, I want to tell you that it is a good fight and worth every tear and heartache for the littlest moments that your child gives you.

Primetime, Month 9

Wow.

Three quarters of a year. Done and dusted. Insane.

My Lil' Miss is a little one. Just 15lbs 5oz (6th percentile), but 27.5" (45th percentile) and a head circumference of 42.3cm (13th percentile). So her weight and HC switched percentiles and she hasn't gained any additional weight since her sick baby visit last month. This will make sense after reading what she's been up to these last few weeks!

So what is new from last monthly update?

- Honest to goodness crawling. The Commando-crawl has upgraded to full-on hands and knees action, 95% of the time at least. Boy, is she getting fast!

- "Dancing"  Baby girl has some groove. Unfortunately, her moves are more akin to her daddy's at the moment. Leg giggles and bouncing. Swaying. And the funniest is this new head wiggle and roll thing she does, a la Stevie Wonder.

- Standing for a few seconds on her own. Plus, she's trying to get to standing from crawling and sitting, all by herself, in the middle of the floor. 

- Big girl foods. We've been doing Baby Led Solids for months, but she's been eating the "school food" at daycare for breakfast, lunch and snack; impressing all the ladies with how she packs it away. She impresses me and others as well. Girl can eat!

- New sounds and noises. Em likes to hoot and holler to hear her own voice a lot. Common sounds include "Dadada," "Bababa," "Tata," "Hhaa!" "Aaah!" "Huuhn," "Uhh" and clucking her tongue.

- Super pincer action! Puffs and Cheer.ios don't stand a chance! Neither does Daddy's nipples or chest hair.

- Waving Hi. Her's is a bit of Miss America/parade style. Dainty and all in turning the wrist.

- Copy-catting.  She tries to copy some things we do like facial expressions, sounds, and toy play. Some times, it just takes 1 or 2 times before she has it down.

And one of the most exciting and saddening things: her 1st tooth! My baby is no longer a gummy-smile little thing. Her bottom, left broke through on the 2nd after I noticed it red and swollen that morning. I was checking it that afternoon, after feeding her at daycare, and BAM! I felt it on my finger! Now, she has the right, bottom tooth and both top teeth looking either swollen or showing a white line at the tip/edge. I'm waiting for her to start biting things rather than just gnawing on them...

I'm thinking I may be adding walking on next month's update as she loves edging and walking around holding our hands or fingers. She's getting so good that sometimes it just 1 hand.

She also attended the 1st bday of our good friends' little girl. She was quite the hit, smiling and flirting with all the people, and the older women there couldn't get enough of her. I also got a sneak-peek at her cake reaction. We were going to share a slice of the Dr. Seuss cake, but before I got a bite in, she had sunk her hands into all and was shoving pieces in as fast as she could chew it. She was a blue, happy, mess.

Awesome shot of her during the 5min she kept the hat on!

We'll be visiting the in-laws this coming weekend and hanging with Boy's brother that lives in Cali but is visiting for several days. It will be the 1st he's met Em, as well as for other relative's that will be attending  the surprise 40th anniversary party for the in-laws that's being thrown.

Until next time, here is some more Em-love, in case you, like me, can't get enough!

Greek yogurt is fun AND tasty. Goes great with peaches.

Daddy love to tease her with small tastes of candy

It's exhausting being this cute!

A common infertile path

It's been a while since I mentioned my friend, and infertile mentoree, E. Quick refresher: She saw my FB posts for NIAW last year and asked if we were trying. I told her yes but we encountered some issues, and she confided that so were they! We scheduled to meet up for dinner and talk all things IF. She was going to be turning 35 in a few months, has a thyroid issue and was very eager to hear about what we've tried and planned. The day before our dinner, I got the positive pee stick that would evolve into Emma.

Unfortunately for her, they are still at the grindstone. After several clomid cycles, she was referred to the same fertility clinic we did, but had a different doctor. They went through the usual IF barrage of tests. Blood work, semen analysis, (attempted) HSG, etc. Come to find out she had scar tissue on ther cervix from a prior biopsy that restricted it's opening. A surgical dilation later and they revisited the HSG with success, but very painful.

Turns out she also had some good sized fibroids. Surgery was done to remove most of the bigger ones, some of which were located in "prime implantation" regions. She continued with ov stims going between clomid and letrozole. Her RE pressured them to move onto injections as she was of advanced maternal age and her AMH levels were "worryingly" low. The 2 cycles they did with the injectibles were busts and way too expensive to continue. They've continued TTC without aids from this past May and on.

We were over last night for a fall cookout, and I was checking in on their "progress" as it were. She had stopped seeing the RE, was just going through her GYN and started seeing a new homeopathic type doc. She also had a change up in her thyroid meds. All in all, a bit along the "same stuff, different day" line. Except the next part. It broke my heart.

She was pregnant and didn't know it. She had all but given up. Wasn't tracking anything but her periods and started having late-cycle bleeding last month. She chalked it up to the new thyroid meds. Even though it continued on for almost 3 weeks. It turned into very heavy bleeding with strong cramping. Of to her doc she went. They informed her was was pregnant, and rather very much so, but weren't sure which way it was heading. Her beta was in the 600's. While waiting for the next draw, she started to physically feel better, so knew the answer before they confirmed it had gone down. That follow up, they did an u/s which showed things were "handling" themselves.

Over 2 years of trying and she finds out she was pregnant just as she was losing it... I hate how cruel IF is!!

If anyone has some good mojo and positive, pregnancy promoting thoughts, I'd greatly appreciate it if you could direct some her way so she can get that forever BFP in the next few cycles.