Yup.
That's the length of this cycle. CD 72 today. I've had a tiny bit of spotting yesterday and today on the tp. And then there is the cramps and uncomfortable midsection. I sure hope that means this marathon of anovulation is ending.
I had my yearly exam on Monday. The NP was also disappointed that my body isn't cooperating. Once things do start going, she says that I can drop in anytime to have my progesterone levels checked after Ov.
Nursing and my weight are the likely suspects. Even though the amount of nursing and milk have decreased, she thinks the stimulation is still just enough to suppress my cycle. Also, even though I'm pretty much where I was pre-PG weight-wise, I should gain the 10lbs that I've been recommended to do for the last 5-7yrs. It hasn't worked well before and I don't hold out much hope this time. I know it sounds like a horrible plight. I know so many woman that wouldn't hesitate to say "I wish I had that problem." But those women aren't likely TTC and having issues ovulating...
Apparently, I'm not "progesterone-deficient" as I previously though but produce insufficient estrogen. This would explain why I had later ovulation than average, low or non-existent sex drive often. It doesn't explain why I had awesome EWCM for days before ovulation or great uterine lining. It's not like I actually expect my body to have conditions that are normal or typical at this point, but it would be nic eif it would at least be screw up in a consistent manner.
Blah. I'm hoping this blog has more cheerful posts soon. Between the cycle that never ends, work crap, home/husband/finance crap, and the weaning and hormonal changes, I'm seriously experiencing a major chase of the Blues. I need some good news and soon.
Saturday, July 27, 2013
Friday, July 19, 2013
Nada
CD63.
THIRD round of semi-fertile CM.
Opt and hpt are still negative, but at least yesterday the line on the opt was at half the darkness of the control line. It's better than barely there, right?
I have an appt with my favorite nurse-practitioner on Monday morning. Other than the usual poking and prodding of the annual exam, this will be my main concern/complaint. I'll see what she thinks and go from there. It will save me the $75 to see the RE for another consult/appt since women well visits are now covered by insurance (my plan didn't renew until July rather than January like most).
This blows.
Em has had several days where she's nursed just in the morning. No discomfort on my boobs' part going 24hrs or more without her nursing. Back into my pre-PG bras with some room to spare. She's also been going back and forth from side to side several times when nursing, so I know I'm making next to nothing these days.
Come on body! Get yourself together and work for a change...
THIRD round of semi-fertile CM.
Opt and hpt are still negative, but at least yesterday the line on the opt was at half the darkness of the control line. It's better than barely there, right?
I have an appt with my favorite nurse-practitioner on Monday morning. Other than the usual poking and prodding of the annual exam, this will be my main concern/complaint. I'll see what she thinks and go from there. It will save me the $75 to see the RE for another consult/appt since women well visits are now covered by insurance (my plan didn't renew until July rather than January like most).
This blows.
Em has had several days where she's nursed just in the morning. No discomfort on my boobs' part going 24hrs or more without her nursing. Back into my pre-PG bras with some room to spare. She's also been going back and forth from side to side several times when nursing, so I know I'm making next to nothing these days.
Come on body! Get yourself together and work for a change...
Friday, July 5, 2013
Export Fail
I'm in the midst of trying to recreate my blog roll for my blog reader feed thing. I had forgotten about the Goo.gle Reader imploding on July 1st. I had exported my feed, but now can't find it to import to a new reader!!
Waaahhhh!
If you are reading this and want me to follow you or know that I follow you, please comment and I'll make sure you are added! I'm trying to add things back by memory so it's going to be spotty at best!
Waaahhhh!
If you are reading this and want me to follow you or know that I follow you, please comment and I'll make sure you are added! I'm trying to add things back by memory so it's going to be spotty at best!
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Step 3: Dive In.
Kinda going gung-ho on TTC# 2 a bit. I figured if I ordered a ridiculous number of opts and hpts that Murphy's law would have it that I wouldn't need to use many of them. I thought 60 opts and 30 hpts (as a bundle option) was respectable for such an attempt.
And since there were soooo many of each, and it's been a while since I've POAS, I took one of each.
Anyone else surprised by this? I wasn't, but man, did it feel satisfying to do that again. I won't lie an say I wasn't hoping a 2nd line would appear on that hpt (blue one).
At this point, I'd actually be happy with a darker 2nd line on the opts. I'm not sure if it's the nursing, which is just in the morning and before bedtime, or if my body is just more screwed up now than it was before Em, but things are not happening. I'm at cd44 today. I had a bout of semi-fertile CM from cd15-19 (pre-Em "normal") and then nothing. Then again at cd34-37, with 2 days of EWish CM, even. And still nothing. Not once has those opts come close to being positive. Sigh...
I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I'm feeling on the fence about weaning fully, but to be honest, since cutting down on the number or times and amount she nurses, I don't think I'm really producing all that much milk. Plus, she's *finally* sleeping through the night and even going to bed pretty easily 9 times out of 10 these days (only took 17m). The girls just aren't filling the nursing bras anymore, even when feeling full-ish. I'm kind of sad to be losing them. Going from a 34A to a 34 full C was awesome! I'm choosing to ignore the 3wks where they were like DD mountains on my chest when my milk came in because that was just awkward. Now, I'm not quite back to my 34A, but my well-worn bummy bras that are probably equivalent to a 32B are fitting pretty great these days. I was really hoping to keep some of the boob growth, but doesn't look like it's in the cards.
But back to my lack of cycle. I can not, for my sanity's sake, keep having month and a half long or longer cycles. I don't know how women deal with this regularly. I know my 28-29d cycles pre-baby were not even close to textbook, but I knew roughly what to expect and could plan for the next month/cycle. Now, I'm completely lost and don't have any clue about what to expect or as it's currently going, not to expect. Maybe I should put a call into the RE? Not sure what he'll be able to do about it, though until I'm not longer breastfeeding.
Has anyone else had longer cycles post baby? Did they regulate eventually?
But to keep this post from being all ho-hum and Debby-Downer, here is some adorable Em!
 |
| Opts, hpts and sperm pills, Oh my! |
And since there were soooo many of each, and it's been a while since I've POAS, I took one of each.
 |
| Eerrr Eerrrrtt! |
Anyone else surprised by this? I wasn't, but man, did it feel satisfying to do that again. I won't lie an say I wasn't hoping a 2nd line would appear on that hpt (blue one).
At this point, I'd actually be happy with a darker 2nd line on the opts. I'm not sure if it's the nursing, which is just in the morning and before bedtime, or if my body is just more screwed up now than it was before Em, but things are not happening. I'm at cd44 today. I had a bout of semi-fertile CM from cd15-19 (pre-Em "normal") and then nothing. Then again at cd34-37, with 2 days of EWish CM, even. And still nothing. Not once has those opts come close to being positive. Sigh...
I'm not really sure what to do at this point. I'm feeling on the fence about weaning fully, but to be honest, since cutting down on the number or times and amount she nurses, I don't think I'm really producing all that much milk. Plus, she's *finally* sleeping through the night and even going to bed pretty easily 9 times out of 10 these days (only took 17m). The girls just aren't filling the nursing bras anymore, even when feeling full-ish. I'm kind of sad to be losing them. Going from a 34A to a 34 full C was awesome! I'm choosing to ignore the 3wks where they were like DD mountains on my chest when my milk came in because that was just awkward. Now, I'm not quite back to my 34A, but my well-worn bummy bras that are probably equivalent to a 32B are fitting pretty great these days. I was really hoping to keep some of the boob growth, but doesn't look like it's in the cards.
But back to my lack of cycle. I can not, for my sanity's sake, keep having month and a half long or longer cycles. I don't know how women deal with this regularly. I know my 28-29d cycles pre-baby were not even close to textbook, but I knew roughly what to expect and could plan for the next month/cycle. Now, I'm completely lost and don't have any clue about what to expect or as it's currently going, not to expect. Maybe I should put a call into the RE? Not sure what he'll be able to do about it, though until I'm not longer breastfeeding.
Has anyone else had longer cycles post baby? Did they regulate eventually?
But to keep this post from being all ho-hum and Debby-Downer, here is some adorable Em!
Thursday, May 16, 2013
Step 2: Pull the Safety Cord
Or remove the IUD. This was a psychically easy step, but psychologically, yikes! My BP was 118/78 (usually like 100/65) and heart rate was over 80. When I saw the NP put it in the waste bag, it felt like jumping off a cliff. I literally held my breath laying on the table.
The NP is the one that I saw back when we 1st starting and I noticed my LP was way too short. I love her so much as a healthcare provider! She asked if the RE did any baseline checks and if I wanted to have her do them. She checked what protocol he recommended and brought up the letro.zole and BF issue. She mentioned about weaning and that she didn't until she was 2m pregnant with her 2nd as she was exhausted b/n being pg, working and nursing just took too much out of her. She made me feel more comfortable about my decision to make it a mutual decision. We agree to have my thyroid level checked. She agrees with the RE that she'd like to see it under 2.
I scheduled my annual appt for July. She is so positive and enthusiastic. "Hopefully, you'll be pregnant by then!" We'll see, but as I have no clue what my cycle is actually doing at this point. Whether it is due to BFing (most likely) or the IUD masking beginning/end of cycles, I'll be finding out soon enough.
It's crazy to think that it was almost 3yrs ago that we started TTC#1. All eager, excited, and gung-ho! Naive. If only we knew... Better yet, if only it could be that way again. Sure, it was kinda scary going into the "unknown" but it was an adventure! Now, not so much the adventure. It's like walking through the a field that you previous crashed down a pitfall. You are looking for the dangers all around you. It may have just been that one hole that you were unfortunate enough to find the hard way, or they could be everywhere. It's terrifying!
The NP is the one that I saw back when we 1st starting and I noticed my LP was way too short. I love her so much as a healthcare provider! She asked if the RE did any baseline checks and if I wanted to have her do them. She checked what protocol he recommended and brought up the letro.zole and BF issue. She mentioned about weaning and that she didn't until she was 2m pregnant with her 2nd as she was exhausted b/n being pg, working and nursing just took too much out of her. She made me feel more comfortable about my decision to make it a mutual decision. We agree to have my thyroid level checked. She agrees with the RE that she'd like to see it under 2.
I scheduled my annual appt for July. She is so positive and enthusiastic. "Hopefully, you'll be pregnant by then!" We'll see, but as I have no clue what my cycle is actually doing at this point. Whether it is due to BFing (most likely) or the IUD masking beginning/end of cycles, I'll be finding out soon enough.
It's crazy to think that it was almost 3yrs ago that we started TTC#1. All eager, excited, and gung-ho! Naive. If only we knew... Better yet, if only it could be that way again. Sure, it was kinda scary going into the "unknown" but it was an adventure! Now, not so much the adventure. It's like walking through the a field that you previous crashed down a pitfall. You are looking for the dangers all around you. It may have just been that one hole that you were unfortunate enough to find the hard way, or they could be everywhere. It's terrifying!
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Step 1: Put Your Junk in the Sample Cup
Well, the 1st step has been taken. I had made an appt with our RE to go over plans for starting TTC for #2 (April 16th). Scheduled a SA for the hubs for the 25th. The RE was set and ok with repeating what we did last time. Fem.ara/Letro.zole for 5 days and progesterone after O. Except, Em still nurses so I can't do the Letro.zole. I'm not quite ready to wean her, and she isn't anywhere close to it either. I couldn't live with myself if I weaned her before either of us are at that point. The whole "Mommy Guilt" would just kill me. I just can't take from her in the attempt to make her a sibling. So progesterone only until that happens on its own.
Er, at least until that happens after we've actually started trying. There's still that whole IUD removal thing I have to schedule.
But the SA has been completed. But as it was scheduled for a Thursday, I was responsible for taking it in before work as it is just up the road from my building. And up the road from daycare... I was that woman. I brought a baby to a fertility clinic. I'm not proud of it. I tried to keep her from the main waiting room and quiet. I just wanted to drop off the specimen and duck out. Leaving her in the car was not an option, and we were cutting it too close to the appt time to drop her off at daycare 1st. Although, even if we weren't, I'm not entirely sure I would have dropped her off 1st and left the cup in the car. Just as I did the 2 times prior, I tucked that plastic container into a warm nook the whole drive and inside the clinic until they asked for it. It was chilly outside, and I do what ever is in my power to keep those little guys in as ideal condition as I can.
Thankfully, it mostly paid off. While not completely "within normal range", things are acceptable and promising. Just take a gander yourself.
Compared to the 1st go round, this is great news! Now, onto step 2- IUDon't and then the scariest step, step 3- Actually trying. Well, if my cycle actually returns to normal prior to weaning, that is.
Also, strange thing, we got his results on Em's implantation anniversary. It's not something we celebrate, but there are important IF dates that I'm aware of each year since they occurred. That happens to be one of them. It's easy to remember as it was 2 days before my positive test.
Er, at least until that happens after we've actually started trying. There's still that whole IUD removal thing I have to schedule.
But the SA has been completed. But as it was scheduled for a Thursday, I was responsible for taking it in before work as it is just up the road from my building. And up the road from daycare... I was that woman. I brought a baby to a fertility clinic. I'm not proud of it. I tried to keep her from the main waiting room and quiet. I just wanted to drop off the specimen and duck out. Leaving her in the car was not an option, and we were cutting it too close to the appt time to drop her off at daycare 1st. Although, even if we weren't, I'm not entirely sure I would have dropped her off 1st and left the cup in the car. Just as I did the 2 times prior, I tucked that plastic container into a warm nook the whole drive and inside the clinic until they asked for it. It was chilly outside, and I do what ever is in my power to keep those little guys in as ideal condition as I can.
Thankfully, it mostly paid off. While not completely "within normal range", things are acceptable and promising. Just take a gander yourself.
Compared to the 1st go round, this is great news! Now, onto step 2- IUDon't and then the scariest step, step 3- Actually trying. Well, if my cycle actually returns to normal prior to weaning, that is.
Also, strange thing, we got his results on Em's implantation anniversary. It's not something we celebrate, but there are important IF dates that I'm aware of each year since they occurred. That happens to be one of them. It's easy to remember as it was 2 days before my positive test.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Trying
I've been trying to work up the motivation to write. Actually, the motivation to do much of anything. Bah.I have the sneaking suspicion I may need to have my meds adjusted to see if that might help. I would call it depression, but it's definitely the Blahs. I'm also sure that it's at least partially due to poor sleep and work issues, primarily PG-co-worker.
After this, I don't think I'm going to invest any more time or effort into her. After several days deliberation and discussion with the Boy and some friends, I decided to have a "clearing of the air" chat with her. After several more days of working up the courage to start it, I waited until we had a semi-private moment and started. I stlarted with how I've distanced myself from her due to her pregnancy, for my own reasons that have nothing to do with her. I overcame that as I feel every mother needs support, especially in the beginning, and since we seem to fall in the same circles, I offered to be a resource for her. Only to get shot down. "I've already had most of my questions answered." Ouch. Then this weekend, I was at our local babywearing group meeting, which she was in attendance with her mom and husband. I came towards the end just to return a carrier, so when we made eye contact I smiled at her. Un-reciprocated. On top of all that, I overheard that she's not likely to return from her maternity leave, which she hasn't informed the boss about. AS she's done nothing by protocol with her pregnancy, I'm sure she's going to wait until the end of her 12w to let the lab know. Since she doesn't think I or the lab are worth her consideration and the effort we've put towards her, I'm done. I just can't take the rejection when I'm putting so much effort and swallowing a lot of feelings to do basic things for her.
Em is 15m now and just crazy. She is still working on those darn molars, but one of her bottom lateral incisors came in finally. She's pick up an obsession with a pink Easter hat my sister got her. She loves to play and wear it as well as with her dad's hat and my sunglasses. Anything on your head is a "haut" to her. Best thing ever is probably that she's learned "hug" and "kiss." If we ask for a hug or for her to give one to someone or the animals, she gives them a sqeeze, lays her head against them and say "Awwww". Sometimes, she'll include a closed-mouth, almost slobber free kiss too. Melts my heart!
And in not so cute news, the little stinker has been sitting on the potty seat and has even used it a handful of times (all for dirty business). It's weird getting so excited for poop. Takes me back to house-training the dogs and applauding there bathroom habits out in the yard. Fun stuff.
And in non-toddler related news, I have an appt tomorrow afternoon. I scheduled a new consult with our RE to see about getting things set for TTC#2 come this summer/fall. The Boy's been taking the supplements for a couple of months now, so we are hoping that his swimmers are up to par once we actually start back. I'm excited, nervous, petrified, anxious, scared, and happy about this appt. I'm not sure what to expect from him, or if he'll think I'm putting the cart before the horse. My cycles just started back the other week. I haven't had mt Mir.ena removed yet. And Em's still nursing quite a bit. We just dropped the one afternoon session where I was visiting her at daycare. While we both enjoyed the time together, it was disruptive to both our days. It probably had a lot to do with the delay in my cycle returning too.
I'm hoping I might not have to go on the Fem.ara again. Not that it was bad, I'm just nor sure how safe it is for breastfeeding. I don't think we are ready to wean and I don't want to wean Em earlier than she's ready just to try and get pregnant again. That would be too much mommy guilt for me to handle. I would feel so selfish to put my wants over her needs. Especially if I wean her to try and it takes 6m or more, if at all. I guess I'll just have to hear what he thinks.
I'll leave you with some Emma cuteness, because, who doesn't like cute things?
After this, I don't think I'm going to invest any more time or effort into her. After several days deliberation and discussion with the Boy and some friends, I decided to have a "clearing of the air" chat with her. After several more days of working up the courage to start it, I waited until we had a semi-private moment and started. I stlarted with how I've distanced myself from her due to her pregnancy, for my own reasons that have nothing to do with her. I overcame that as I feel every mother needs support, especially in the beginning, and since we seem to fall in the same circles, I offered to be a resource for her. Only to get shot down. "I've already had most of my questions answered." Ouch. Then this weekend, I was at our local babywearing group meeting, which she was in attendance with her mom and husband. I came towards the end just to return a carrier, so when we made eye contact I smiled at her. Un-reciprocated. On top of all that, I overheard that she's not likely to return from her maternity leave, which she hasn't informed the boss about. AS she's done nothing by protocol with her pregnancy, I'm sure she's going to wait until the end of her 12w to let the lab know. Since she doesn't think I or the lab are worth her consideration and the effort we've put towards her, I'm done. I just can't take the rejection when I'm putting so much effort and swallowing a lot of feelings to do basic things for her.
Em is 15m now and just crazy. She is still working on those darn molars, but one of her bottom lateral incisors came in finally. She's pick up an obsession with a pink Easter hat my sister got her. She loves to play and wear it as well as with her dad's hat and my sunglasses. Anything on your head is a "haut" to her. Best thing ever is probably that she's learned "hug" and "kiss." If we ask for a hug or for her to give one to someone or the animals, she gives them a sqeeze, lays her head against them and say "Awwww". Sometimes, she'll include a closed-mouth, almost slobber free kiss too. Melts my heart!
And in not so cute news, the little stinker has been sitting on the potty seat and has even used it a handful of times (all for dirty business). It's weird getting so excited for poop. Takes me back to house-training the dogs and applauding there bathroom habits out in the yard. Fun stuff.
And in non-toddler related news, I have an appt tomorrow afternoon. I scheduled a new consult with our RE to see about getting things set for TTC#2 come this summer/fall. The Boy's been taking the supplements for a couple of months now, so we are hoping that his swimmers are up to par once we actually start back. I'm excited, nervous, petrified, anxious, scared, and happy about this appt. I'm not sure what to expect from him, or if he'll think I'm putting the cart before the horse. My cycles just started back the other week. I haven't had mt Mir.ena removed yet. And Em's still nursing quite a bit. We just dropped the one afternoon session where I was visiting her at daycare. While we both enjoyed the time together, it was disruptive to both our days. It probably had a lot to do with the delay in my cycle returning too.
I'm hoping I might not have to go on the Fem.ara again. Not that it was bad, I'm just nor sure how safe it is for breastfeeding. I don't think we are ready to wean and I don't want to wean Em earlier than she's ready just to try and get pregnant again. That would be too much mommy guilt for me to handle. I would feel so selfish to put my wants over her needs. Especially if I wean her to try and it takes 6m or more, if at all. I guess I'll just have to hear what he thinks.
I'll leave you with some Emma cuteness, because, who doesn't like cute things?
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