Halfway There, Baby!

Wow. Just Wow. How did this happen? I have a 6m old?! It just seems like the other day that we decided to start trying, then started treatments. Now, we are coasting to that big ONE year!

Happy 1/2 Birthday!

So, where are we at with everything here at 0.5yrs old?

• Rolling from back to belly, belly to back, and several rolls strung together
• Can do belly spins and go a full 360 deg to get a toy or see something
• Sitting up unassisted for long spurts of time without toppling!
• "Dadadada", "Babababa", and singing/shrieking at various volumes
• Popping/sucking her bottom lip
• Blowing spit bubbles and raspberries.
• Started solids - semi-Baby Led Solids as she gets some purees at daycare, my mom's and applesauce or pumpkin at home. Hasn't meet a food yet that she doesn't like
• Reaching out to people to be picked up or held
• Leaning back or to the side in our arms

I would love to add crawling, but she hasn't quite put the arms and legs together. It is one or the other, or a face-plant.


She is still a ridiculously happy baby, quick with the smiles and babblings. She is a very vocal baby. She's laughing at a few more things, mostly when I'm changing her diaper on the changing table. Em and Maz are BFFs, but she like pretty much any furry critter that comes up to her.

Em is the belle of the daycare and has a fan club of several of the caretakers, many not even assigned to her age group. Even though they have the extra work of the cloth diapers and glass bottles, we haven't had a complaint!

She is definitely the cutest and sweetest little girl. And I do mean little. At her 6m well visit, she topped the scales at 13lbs 5oz, 25.75 inches long. She's consistently been in the 10% for weight. The pediatrician isn't concerned as she's easily meeting all her milestones, is still gaining, and is overall super healthy. Plus, this girl loves, loves, loves to eat. She has no problem nursing, eating a jar of food or 1/2 banana 30 minutes later, and topping off with another nursing. She's seems to have a high metabolism as she is constantly on the go, unless sleeping.

Speaking of sleeping, she's not so perfect in that department. She takes about 2 naps at daycare, of variable lengths. Sometimes it's just a 20 minute power nap while others, it is a 3hr snooze-fest! She'll nap once in the evening, maybe. At night, she was only semi-waking twice to eat. Now, thanks to sleep regression, a 3x waking night is doing great. *Yawn*

We hit the beach the 1st weekend of July. Em loves the sand, seemed confused by the waves coming and then going, but had a good time. She definitely prefers the pool and bathtime to fulfill her aquatic desires.

Baby swimsuit model?

All in all. life is going well here. And at neck-breaking speeds. It is so cliche, but unfortunately true. They grow so fast. I'm trying my darnest to enjoy every moment of her!

Life is a treadmill

Right now, that's how things feel. I keep moving, but not really going anywhere. Same old, same old.

Nothing too exciting going on here. Just Emma growing and getting bigger.

The only other thing going on is I'm thinking of changing jobs. I love what I do currently and think my boss is great. What I don't like is the hours and several of my co-workers. Before Em, a 9-11hr day was no big deal. Now, that would mean an extra pumping session and possibly not seeing her awake that evening. I'm feeling a lot like Alex in terms of who gets the most quality and interactive time with my daughter. I really want a 9-5 type job now. I don't want to have to think about or do work things while home with her or on the weekends.

As for the co-workers, I'm just tired of people doing things incorrectly, teaching others how to do them wrong, and having to clean up after their ignorance and arrogance. I'm not the only one feeling this about these same 2-3 people. It's been raised to boss man and the other PI, but with the amount of work the lab has to do right now, we can't afford to lose the bodies. Also, the project I've been heading is wrapping up so I'm kinda doing odds and ends and random other projects. The funding for my position is up when that project officially ends, but my boss has some "back-up" money to keep me on for a good while longer until another project starts. I'm pretty torn what to do in this situation, though. Love my job and boss, but want what my current position can't provide.

Sigh...

But next week- I'll be posting the munchkin's 1/2 birthday pics. Crazy that it's been 6m since she was born, and even crazier that it's been 15m since we learned I was pregnant.

Do Clocks have Wings?

Because time just keeps flying by me! I can't believe it's been so long since my last post! I don't have any real excuse other than life has just been super busy and I've been trying to spend as much time with Em in the evenings after work as I can!

Here's what we've been up to lately:

I turned 29 back at the end of May. Strangely, I'm actually looking forward to the big 3-0. We were visiting the Boy's folks for the weekend. They were blown away by how happy and active Em is!  Unfortunately, I caught pink eye because of his grandmother. It was just and only me, thank goodness!

We went to re-PG SIL's parent's for Em's cousin's 1st bday "mermaid" party. Em was the only kid under 2 that didn't hate being in the pool. In fact, she loved it! It must have seemed just like a big tub for her.

Em turned 5m on Friday. She is quite the character and becoming more and more her own little person! She's getting too long in the torso for most of her 3-6m onesies. She's rolling around and spinning circles. She even pushes up on her arms and will push off of one of her legs, just not at the same time. Yet. She loves her feet and hands. My hands. Boy's hands. Oh and eating our faces! She's blowing spit bubbles and making "ba" sounds.

Cheeky Monkey!

We are sorta starting Baby led solids. Em has really taken an interest in our food and insists on "eating" when we have food. She's tried bananas (love), apples, carrots, rice, grapes (skinless, love), teriyaki noodles, green beans, and mash potatoes + gravy (love). No teeth yet, but she can work those gums!

It's getting harder almost each morning to leave her at daycare and head to work. Sometimes, I even contemplate finding a different job that is strictly 40hrs or allows me to work from home some. Sigh... I love how my priorities have shifted

4 months

Wow, just realized I never did a 4m update on Em, 10d ago. Oops?

So, yeah, 4 months... It's been pretty surreal. While I was pregnant (as well as before) and during my maternity leave, I knew that I just didn't have what it takes to be a SAHM. I am not "Mom Enough" for all that it requires day in and day out. But that doesn't mean that I don't spend almost all my day at work thinking about coming home to this:

 

If we could swing it financially, I'd only work part-time in a heartbeat! Or if we were rolling in the dough, I'd not work and spend my days doing mommy&me yoga, play groups, and the whole housewife glamor lifestyle.Sigh... Bills and debt bite the big one.

But back to her update! Little Miss's stats at 4m were 11lbs 11oz, 24.75in long, and ~39cm head circumference. Those fall in the 10%, 70%, and 5%. In other words, I have a long and lean, boob-sucking machine! The pediatrician we saw this time called her "small" even those she was about the same percentiles at her 2m where that Dr said she was just fine. I'm in no particular rush to jump to solids to get her to "gain more weight" at the moment as she is consistent in her percentiles and her growth curves are smooth and increasing. Besides, cereals are just baby gruel and don't provide that much in the way of nutrients other than calories for the most part.

In other growth and developmental news, she is also a rolling machine! She flips from back to belly *like a boss* these days and had been great with belly to back for over a month now (she really hated tummy time back then). She puts weight on her feet and legs when stood up and tries her hardest to pull herself to sitting if reclined. She is quick with the smiles still and giggles are starting to be just as frequent. Her hands, toys, and yes, even her feet are always on their way to or from her mouth. Em-n-m has not only found her voice but exercises it in various pitches and volumes. She is a huge fan of her fur-siblings, but only the pups reciprocate the love.

More than anything else, she continues to win my heart each and every day. I couldn't hide it if I tried - I love this kiddo to pieces!

Father's Day can Suck for Men, too.

I generally don't do this, but I just had to write this post. It was prompted by an email I received completely out of the blue.

This is a part of the ALI community that is seldom heard from, because they have to be "strong." One particular statement got to me and made me feel a bit sad that the Boy felt he had to remain strong and support me through the miscarriage. I don't truly know if he wanted to grieve, but felt like he couldn't.

"During this time, I discovered that these “silent grievers” actually
hungered to share their stories, to speak their children’s names aloud and
describe what had happened."

They are trying to raise funding to publish and promote this book on their own as major publishers "mentioned that this is an honorable book, but men typically do not buy these types of books. Basically, they were saying that this book couldn’t be profitable enough for them to invest in it."

I'm sure I'm not the only one that disagrees with this and feel it just another barrier that the rest of the world puts up to prevent IF and loss from receiving the attention and support that other medical conditions do as it is "uncomfortable." I would have loved to have been able to purchase this book for Hubs after our loss. My heart breaks to know that a book like this does need to and actually does exist and that the authors had to suffer such tragic losses (after IF) themselves. It helps though to know that I can take part in making this resource available for others that undeserving find themselves in that position and situations.

I would really appreciate it if you would take just a few moments to go to the site and read about the project as well as contribute to it, either financially or with your own story.

Mother's Day...

I don't know how I feel about it this year...

This morning on the radio, driving in the parking deck at work, a commercial almost had me sobbing behind the wheel. One of the local fertility clinics runs commercials, more frequently it seems, surrounding family-themed holidays. Currently, this one is about wanting to change your name. To "Mom." In that instance, all the pain and longing I felt while TTC and dealing with IF came flooding back. At the same time, I was overcome with sadness for those still feeling those same emotions everyday. And how beyond blessed I am to be able to have that title now, myself.

I'm overjoyed that I'm actually* a Mother for it this year. But maybe I have my expectations of how significant this day actually is too high. Maybe, like my views on Valentine's, it's just a commercially over-rated day to celebrate something that should be celebrated everyday. All I know is that I'm expecting this May 13th to be unlike any I've ever had.


That being said, I don't feel that this upcoming holiday only belongs to maternal parental units. I truly feel that one becomes a mother when they accept a child into their heart. It has nothing to do with pushing one out your wazoo. The moment you decide to share your life with a child, you are a Mom. To some, this may happen at the child's birth. Some, when they get that gender or 1st ultrasound. Others at that 2nd line. And I think for most reading this post, it happened the instant you decided to TTC.

It may be almost a week early, but I want to wish all you women a happy Mother's day. You are a wonderful mother to you child, be it in your arms, belly, heart or dreams.


*As defined by other people.

One year ago today...

April 28th, 2011

I was feeling like complete crap. Headache, nausea, exhaustion. It must have been a bug.

But as I was (am) an infertile, I had to poas. You know, just in - it will never happen, but hey, who really needs an excuse to pee on a hpt - case. I didn't even watch it. When I did look, I saw this:

The faintest of actual lines!

I didn't know then that it was the start of the best year of my life. And somehow that ghost of a line turned into this:

I do think it is quite fitting that I got my "Rainbow Baby" BFP at the close of NIAW. I had decided to participate and posted something IF related on my FB page everyday. It's like Kharma rewarded me for putting myself out there. I didn't know at the time that things would turn out perfect. I was a mess of fear, uncertainty, and a timid little bit of hope.

This year, as NIAW draws to a close, I put myself out there again. I feel amazingly blessed to have had the experiences that started one year ago. I truly wish this joy and love to every single one of you out there reading this, however you may find that joy. While my current happiness doesn't erase all the pain and fear that hovered during our struggle to conceive, I do appreciate it more and wouldn't be who I am today without having gone through the hell of IF. I want everyone of you out there to know that you are amazing and just that much stronger, braver, and awesomer for having to go through it as well. It completely sucks, but makes you value the sunshine a bit more when the clouds break.

**************

ps- I found this earlier this week and had to share it with you all. I know this was true for me (add in anxious as well) and that many of you feel the same.