Keep on, Keeping on, I Guess...

I had a post I was in the midst of writing about Waiting. Waiting for labor and how it is so similar to the waiting pre-PG and early on. How is it completely different. I was about half way through it and lost direction. I just completely forgot where I was going with it.

So I just scratched it and figured I'd post something. This is probably the total opposite of Pulitzer material, but something is better than nothing right?

Here I sit at 39w. Decked out in all my pj and slippered glory. Braless. Sockless. My rings on a chain around my neck. The image of pure sexiness and seduction. My come-hither (with that bag of chips) stare and sultry waddle are just icing on the cake. Mmmm, cake...

Back on topic: The excitement of all that "progress" from last week has died off. Nothing new to report in a whole week. I have my check up at the Ob tomorrow, but I'm 99.9% sure they are going to say things are just in a holding pattern. My confidence isn't just from a hunch or feeling. Oh no. The whole TTC rollercoaster and my over-achieving tendencies have prepped me to be able to take matters into my own hands.

Literally.

I've managed to check my own cervix since about this time last week. I didn't want surprises going into that 38w appt. I needed to have a clue of what I could expect the Doc to say was going on, beforehand. It definitely was no simple, easy task compared to checking CP around ovulation. Let's just say things are much higher up, and it all feels the same in there. And then there is the belly thing to contend with... However, I some how managed to find it, feel it, and decide that it was slightly dilated. And then I jabbed the baby in the head on accident (not through the cervix though). Sorry!

So, by my self-test, I was right around 1cm dilated. So I was gung-ho excited when the Dr said I was 2cm the next day! Yay for rapid progress, right? Errrrtttt! Wrong! I've check myself again 2 times since last Thursday and nothing is different in there.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm still very much in love with being pregnant. I have not reached (nor do I think I will reach) the point of wanting to "get this thing out of me". It's just the excitement and anticipation I felt last week about the possibility of meeting and holding my baby very, very soon sort of snowballed. It gave me the kick in the pants to finish up a ton of things around the house and in preparation for the "impending" arrival. Nursery was tidied and practically finished. Meals were prepped and frozen, as well as massive stockpiling of groceries. I finally, FINALLY! finished packing a labor and hospital bag, installing the car seats, and other things I should have completed a month ago.

My accomplishment and excitement, much like my progress, has stalled the last few days. I managed to somehow motivate myself to return 2 items to Targe.t, get a hair cut/trim, and pick up a few other things at the W.Mart. The errands took me about 2hrs. The motivating? Try 6hrs. It's so discouraging to have gotten not only mine, but family and friends' hopes up only to keep trailing them along. I know they all mean well, but the check-ins are getting old and depressing. We all so very much want to meet the LO, but I feel like I'm some how letting people down by not having any change going on in there.

But what can I do? I don't want to take any risks of this baby coming out before it's ready, no matter how badly I want them in my arms. Until then, whenever that may be, I'll continue on with my glamorous, sensual, 9m pregnant self and try to clear out some of the lingering holiday goodies that are still floating around the kitchen. Gotta make room for the baby gear right?

(ps - if you are interested, I've posted completed nursery pics on the baby blurbs page. That bit hasn't seen any action in quite a while!)