This time last year...

This time last year was so starkly different from this time this year.

This time last year, I was miscarrying my 1st ever and highly improbable pregnancy. My heart was heavy and hurting, but I was coming to terms with it and starting the healing process. I didn't know if it was possible for us to conceive again. I was feeling a bit worn down with the whole TTC ordeal. Almost thinking that it was pointless and if all the trouble and disappointment was even worth it.

This year, I know it all was worth it and then some. While I haven't forgotten the loss and heartache of last year, having Emma here this year makes it easier to bear. I now know that all the medications, appts, negative pregnancy tests, and everything has paid off, in spades. This year, I am not living in my pj's, swollen and puffy eyes, and dulling the pain with alcohol. This year, I'm living in my pj's, dark circles under my eyes, and joy in my heart. And today, while writing this post up, I was treated to the wonder of Emma's 1st intentional smile at me. In that instance, all the grief and hardship of TTC and loss melted away (at least for a while).

This year, I'm happy.