4.

My ovaries doth mock me.

2 days of positive opts. A slow temp rise, then a half degree jump. Ovulation confirmed!

Woo freakin' Hoo!

Except not.

Started spotting at work the next day. Light flow by night. Cue cd1.

While I'm glad that marathon cycle ended, I'm really feeling crushed by a 4d luteal phase. It was like planning a party for months only to have it whittle down to a few sparklers. woo.

It was at least nice and light for the last 3 days. I guess that's something.

I've been back and forth and back again for the last few months. It was a mute point prior as I hadn't ovulated in 3 months. Now, though, I finally had a new cycle. A decision needed to be made.

I filled the Letro.zole Rx. took the 1st dose today. I'm a bit glad that the pharmacy I dropped the progesterone script off at couldn't fill it as it needs to be compounded, but they filled the Letro. Was it some grand cosmic sign? Emma says "noo."

On the good news front, Little Miss has had a few tinkles, dribbles and drops in the p.o.t.t.y the last few days, rather than peeing on the floor. We've decided it's not worth the fight 2-3x each evening to change her diaper against her very determined will and have just been letting her run a-muck, naked as a jaybird. Well, almost naked. Shoes seem to be the only article of "clothing" she not only tolerates but requests.

It's hard to mope around when this amount of adorable silliness calls your name.

FINALLY!!

3 months.

90 days.

Finally, a positive opt! I guess 5th time's the charm?

Strangely enough, I've had a +opt for 2 days now alongside a huge temp drop yesterday. I've been feeling very uncomfortable and bloated-like. I'm hoping this is going to be a good strong ovulation that will reset my body back onto a more normal cycle. We've been trying each time I've had that oh so fun vaginal gold (EWCM).

Truncated so it would fit on the screen without having to scroll over so much...
Also, to reflect when I started temping consistently (-ish).

 While I'd be overjoyed if this ridiculous cycle paid off, I'd be completely happy if it just ended as well. In all honesty, I've already looked up the possible due date if we were successful (May 8th, 2014), and we could share the news with family and friends around Thanksgiving. Planning ahead just a bit, huh? I'm also entertaining fears of twins and triplets with how uncomfortable my ovaries have been the last several days. My anxiety has lead to some pretty crazy and out there imaginary worries and scenarios. Fun-times.

If what I expect to happen does, I plan to take the Letro.zole cd4-7 next cycle even though Em still nurses a tad in the mornings. I think if I take it after she nurses, there should be very little in my milk that she's drinking very little of as it has a short half-life and will only be for 5 days. Plus, it's a fairly low dose. I would love a June baby as no one on either side has a birthday in June (or August, but I really don't want to wait 2m to have a positive preg test). This thinking has really driven home how much it suck to be TTC after IF and loss. I don't get to truly be one of those women that can "plan" a pregnancy.

"Gee, August would be such a lovely month to have a baby! Guess I should go make one now. Yipee!" (Which is almost exactly what a friend of mine is worried about right now. Her and her husband agreed to wait until she defended her PhD in October to start trying and had an incident that lead to unprotected sex. Now, they are both a bit freaked that she's likely pregnant. Seriously?! Ugh.)

Anyways, my preference would be to get pregnant ASAP, but I'm not banking on it. At all. Hopefully, it doesn't take months and months and months as I've already gone through 2 of our planned months of TTC with jack-squat happening. I've turned my Rx from the RE for the Letro and progesterone "bullets" into the pharmacy. I 100% plan to start the progesterone after it's confirmed that I've ovulated. I also 100% plan to make and appt to get my levels check around 7dpo as my NP-ObGyn so kindly offered anytime I wanted. It's strange that it's cheaper to do it there than the RE's even though it's the same time and test, so I'm glad I have that option.

I'd like to end this rambling post with this: Trying to conceive is a mind-f*ck and I hope I keep my sanity by the end of it.

(One last edition: I'm addicted to POAS. Again. Good thing I have 50 more opts and 15 more hpts on their way to me in the next few days, right?)