1 Month

I just can't seem to do things "On Time" these days... Here's where things stand at 1 month(ish) of Emma.

Emma had her 1m Well Baby appt on the 9th. She got her 2nd Hep B shot (only cried for a min or two) and is up to 8lbs 2oz and grew 1 inch! She's too long now for about 80% of her Newborn (NB) clothing. We've given some of them to my fertile friend whose little girl is 12d younger than Em. Some of them, I just can't seem to part with... So she's growing well and is over all a healthy baby!

I'm doing well for the most part. I have my postpartum checkup coming up. Not entirely sure exactly when as I have to try and reschedule it as I just haven't been able to master being in 2 places at once, yet. It's easier to get in with the OB than to find a new time and day that work with the dentist/hygienist. I think I've healed back up well and all, but we'll see. I'm also thinking of getting an IUD placed again as birth control as it is going to be quite a while before we discuss siblings.

I'm not going to lie, there are some aspects of life that aren't going so well. I would love to be getting more sleep, but the lack there of is expected. It doesn't make the sleep deprivation easier, but I've been told that it should start improving as Em will be sleeping longer at night soon. We'll see about that... While she's a good baby most days, there are days that completely make up for her good behavior. Days where she's cranky, fussy, gassy, spit-uppy, and just wants to cry and holler, or eat constantly, or be held but squirm the whole time and needs to be in constant motion. Those are very.  hard. days. Very. Those days, I just want to cry right alongside her and often times I do. While the hubs does help out from time to time, often all she wants is me- either for comfort nursing or just because I'm more familiar (I'm assuming). I feel a bit guilty, but those days, I really miss being pregnant. I miss having an inside baby a lot of the time as it is. I truly enjoyed being pregnant, and even though there were so many mental and emotional difficulties (Thank you, IF!), it was definitely easier than being a mom!

Honestly, there is not one thing about being a parent that is easy. Not one. I'm not saying it's not enjoyable. It definitely is, but it's incredibly hard! It also makes every other part of your life even harder, too. Financially, things are tighter (hello, daycare!- which in itself has been another problem and ordeal of its own). I feel like I barely have time for myself, let alone the Boy. I'm dreading going back to work in 2.5 weeks. I know things are only going to be more difficult then. If I wasn't so exhausted, I would probably be more ashamed of the state of my house than I am right now, not to mention my personal hygiene. And then there is the guilt of feeling this way knowing there are so many couples that would give everything to be right where I am. I was one of them not too long ago.

I love my daughter with all that my being. Her birth was one of the most incredible days of my life. However, looking back, getting pregnant now seems like the easy part. But I wouldn't trade any of the fear, frustration or worries of parenthood.