I caved. I gave into the fear. I admitted it and just gave into it.
I've purchased a home fetal doppler. It should be here tomorrow.
I thought I could be strong and just make it to my next appt at the end of the month. Heck, millions of women don't even get to see the baby on ultrasound until this point. I've already seen it twice.
And yet, millions of women get early ultrasounds and have already heard the heartbeat several times by now. I feel left out. Sure, I've got 2 really good u/s with things being just as they should and measuring right on target. But I've only seen the flicker of that little heart. I haven't experienced the the woosh-woosh-wooosh that so many women, both fertile and not-so-fertile alike, have had the joy of experiencing. I can't wait 23 more days for that.
I know I may not hear it right away, but it is completely likely that I'll hear it before my next appt. According to the Ob I saw on Thursday, my uterus is tipped forward. Maybe that will make it easier to pick up sooner? All I know is I'm very eagerly awaiting the arrival of the $56 piece of equipment. My birthday gift to myself.
In other news, my "morning" sickness has amped up a bit more the last few days to the point I have made Contingency Plans in case I need to up-chuck during work hours. I've come to terms with having to actually use the bathrooms at work these days, but I don't know if I can bring myself to get face to face with them.
Also, it seems that my ALT and AST liver function levels are slightly elevated. I go in for a redraw/recheck next Monday. This worries me a bit. I found out from the boss when I filled him in on my "condition" that one of the lab members has Hep B. My blood work came back negative for Hep B, but still... On top of that, the Boy received a blood transfusion during an operation as a little baby. Yes, before 1982. He had "elevated" liver enzyme levels from a function test years and years ago, while we were dating. An Internalist said most likely Hep C, but didn't take into account several of his medications that impact liver function. His neurologist hasn't raised any concerns over these levels before, as he monitors them for medicinal toxicity. I know I'm probably freaking out for no reason, but yikes. I mean, it is obvious we had unprotected sex (duh!) so I could have contracted Hep C if he actually did have it. Just like everything else on this journey, I'll just have to wait and see.