Saturday, June 11, 2011

"Why Me?"

There has been a lot of sad and disappointing news in the blogosphere lately. Losses. Failed cycles. Just bad news.

It all seems so unfair. I've seen posts where a lot of women are asking the universe "Why me?" or more often "Why not me?"

Why not them? They've put in the time, the countless cycles, the money, blood, sweat and tears. Why don't they have their babies yet? It just isn't fair.

And that has me contemplating "Why me?" Why have I been blessed, so far, with a healthy, viable pregnancy when couples trying for years longer than me are no closer to a baby than they were long before we started trying? Why has my baby continued to grow and live when so many women out there have had miscarriage after miscarriage, stillbirths and all forms of losses? What makes my little fetus any better or more deserving than those lost?

It make my heart hurt to read post after post of loss and grief, be it a failed cycle or failed pregnancy. There are far too many of them in this community. Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can do to fix the problem. I can't make anything better for those that are still wondering down that long, long road to parenthood. I wish there was, but I know it is beyond what little power I have to control or influence.

And mostly, I feel guilty. I see these posts of heartache and heartbreak and am torn on whether to post or not. Does my "I'm so very sorry" comment hold as much weight as someone who is still on the front lines? Do my condolences help  alleviate any of the sadness and grief these women and their SOs are feeling? Or am I just inadvertently rubbing my good fortune in their faces? Does some one who just had another BFN really want to hear me offering support and suggesting they hang in there?

I've haven't been posting very frequently lately and the above is partly why. I truly don't want to alienate those that are still trying from my blog. I don't want to make pregnancy post after pregnancy post here. It just seems so inconsiderate of those that have been there and offering their support these past several months. I don't want it to seem that I'm flaunting my Ob appts and symptoms. The other reason is because it's pretty much the same day in and day out with only minor variations here and there. No one wants to read the same pregnancy-centric post time after time.

I'm just not comfortable discussing my pregnancy in general. Not on my blog. Not in the other TTC/PG related sites and forums. Not with family or friends. Not truly comfortable at least. I may seem to be fairly open about it, but just like everything else, I'm pretty good at putting on the "everything is fine and dandy" act for others.

Is my day-to-day life and pregnancy worth posting? Are they something people actually want to read? Is it off-putting to those that have been dealing with loss and IF longer than I? I don't want to add any additional hurt and upset for these people over something I'd only be posting for posterity?


  1. Christina, I love reading how things are going for you. And while others (including me) have not had our bfp's yet that does not take away from your journey. I appreciate any and all comments of support and advice I get no matter where that person is in there journey. xxx

  2. I have seen a lot of other blogs switch from sad IF to baby baby baby overnight. Honestly I do lose interest. I want to document my pregnancy, that's why I starting blogging to begin with. Although I haven't made it far with the whole pregnancy thing. It's your blog, you are in control. I see a lot of other bloggers just creating a new blog all together for their pregnancy.

  3. Having just gotten my BFP, I often wonder the same things. But this is your space, to use how ever you need to. I started my blog as a way to chronicle my journey. As things change I'm sure the people I attract to my blog will change too. I just try to be honest about whatever I am feeling at whatever point I am at in my journey.

  4. I am in the same position. I started blogging when we were first diagnosed with IF, I have DOR. I've met some amazing people here in the IF blogosphere, and feel somewhat guilty posting now about our pregnancy. But I agree with SurlyMama. Your followers may change, and so will you. But this is your space, and your place to write about whatever you feel. I say, Own It! You finally got here, so be happy and post away! That's what I am doing.
    Still, I can't help but feel a little guilty and sad for those still struggling. I hope my close followers will still stop by from time to time.

  5. I can totally relate to this struggle. I'm still not comfortable discussing my pregnancy either, especially in real life. I think it's because I wasn't comfortable talking about pregnancy before I was pregnant because it made me so sad and it's just hard to shake those feelings. That said, I love reading about your pregnancy - probably because we are so close on our timelines and it's nice to have someone to relate to.

  6. Honey - stop feeling guilty. There are a lot of preggo IFers out there who become annoying when they start with the fruit comparisons (my baby is the size of a blueberry!), stupid memes and questionnaires, and just plain vapid stupidity.
    You on the other hand - you've posted thoughtful, articulate, loving things, that - in my opinion at least - give women who read you who are still trying hope. That's just as important - if not more - than all of the frustration and pain we read about every day. Keep at it hon. You're strong and your strength shows through your success story.

  7. These blogs are for each of us individually. They are for you to talk about what is happening and to let out how you are feeling. While your trials were not as long as some of ours, it doesn't mean you should not talk about your past, present or future. The wonderful thing about blogland is that there is a place for each of us. Yes, you will lose some readers, but you will gain a whole other world; a world of mommy-to-be's and mommy's already.
    Comments to those that are in the trenches of IF are always appreciated. There is nothing others can do (unless you give us a baby!!! haha) expect offer your support. Nothing can be said that takes the pain away, but saying you are there means more to us than anything. So blog-away and those that read will :)

  8. I agree with the previous posters - this is your place, please share what is going on in your life. That is what is interesting to readers, and your heart and compassion are obvious to all of your readers.