There has been a lot of sad and disappointing news in the blogosphere lately. Losses. Failed cycles. Just bad news.
It all seems so unfair. I've seen posts where a lot of women are asking the universe "Why me?" or more often "Why not me?"
Why not them? They've put in the time, the countless cycles, the money, blood, sweat and tears. Why don't they have their babies yet? It just isn't fair.
And that has me contemplating "Why me?" Why have I been blessed, so far, with a healthy, viable pregnancy when couples trying for years longer than me are no closer to a baby than they were long before we started trying? Why has my baby continued to grow and live when so many women out there have had miscarriage after miscarriage, stillbirths and all forms of losses? What makes my little fetus any better or more deserving than those lost?
It make my heart hurt to read post after post of loss and grief, be it a failed cycle or failed pregnancy. There are far too many of them in this community. Unfortunately, there is nothing anyone can do to fix the problem. I can't make anything better for those that are still wondering down that long, long road to parenthood. I wish there was, but I know it is beyond what little power I have to control or influence.
And mostly, I feel guilty. I see these posts of heartache and heartbreak and am torn on whether to post or not. Does my "I'm so very sorry" comment hold as much weight as someone who is still on the front lines? Do my condolences help alleviate any of the sadness and grief these women and their SOs are feeling? Or am I just inadvertently rubbing my good fortune in their faces? Does some one who just had another BFN really want to hear me offering support and suggesting they hang in there?
I've haven't been posting very frequently lately and the above is partly why. I truly don't want to alienate those that are still trying from my blog. I don't want to make pregnancy post after pregnancy post here. It just seems so inconsiderate of those that have been there and offering their support these past several months. I don't want it to seem that I'm flaunting my Ob appts and symptoms. The other reason is because it's pretty much the same day in and day out with only minor variations here and there. No one wants to read the same pregnancy-centric post time after time.
I'm just not comfortable discussing my pregnancy in general. Not on my blog. Not in the other TTC/PG related sites and forums. Not with family or friends. Not truly comfortable at least. I may seem to be fairly open about it, but just like everything else, I'm pretty good at putting on the "everything is fine and dandy" act for others.
Is my day-to-day life and pregnancy worth posting? Are they something people actually want to read? Is it off-putting to those that have been dealing with loss and IF longer than I? I don't want to add any additional hurt and upset for these people over something I'd only be posting for posterity?