Birthday Blitz

It's been a great couple of days here. I can honestly say that this has been the best birthday! Happy 28th to me! Here's a quick recap:

Wednesday- a coworker brought in some homemade chocolate cheesecake for me and the lab to enjoy before I left on vacation leave. It was super tasty! I also received the official notice letter of my promotion and raise. A pretty awesome present if you ask me!

Thursday - While I didn't get to really sleep in, I got a sweet, early morning "happy birthday" from the Boy. Then, at 9:45a, we were off to my 1st ever pre-natal appt. My Ob office has an online portal that you can go to and fill out paperwork preemptively to your appt. I had done this, but not all my forms went through apparently After finishing those, I got to pee in a cup for a culture and whatever else they'll be doing with it. Then onto vital checks. My heart rate was normal, blood pressure was lower than usual at 90/54 (normally ~95-100/65-75). I lost a few pounds, but the nurse didn't seem concerned. Then, the nurse got through the history, etc and scheduling and payment/fees stuff. it was fun going over my symptoms with the nurse and the "what to/not to eats" and what I should and shouldn't do at this point.

I could have had another u/s for dating purposes, but I let it slip that I had the one on the 17th at the RE's. Guess I'm just going to have to wait for next weeks! Following all these formalities, I was dropped off at the lab for some blood draw. I LOVE the lab tech at the Ob's!! Every time I've been there, she has been nothing but attentive, kind, caring, and very personable and invested in the patients! This time was no different! She wished me a happy birthday and talked with me about her difficult and long road to her now 15mo son (while taking the required 8 vials of blood). She even gave me a hug before I left the draw room and wished me luck with this pregnancy.

I pretty much spend the rest of the day cleaning house a bit and napping. A great, low key birthday in my book.

Friday - Still didn't get to sleep in and a bit rougher morning, but ended up having lunch with a friend/former coworker who is visiting from out of town for the weekend. It was so nice out so we ate out on the patio of the restaurant. She asked how things have been going in the baby-making dept, and I couldn't lie when she straight out asked if I was pregnant. She was ecstatic for us! We caught up on her life, school, and her love-life. It was nice and again low-key.

After another nap, we started to get things ready for the cookout birthday get-together dinner. Not as many people as we thought were able to make it. It was primarily our friends that watched Cricket the other weekend, B/SIL, her son, and the new baby, and my friend E who I'm fertility mentoring. SIL was a baby-hog, according to the Boy, and didn't let anyone else hold the baby the whole time for one reason or another. We found out that our other friends are also expecting; she's a few weeks behind me. They knew when we picked up Cricket and that explains their odd, surprised reaction- she wanted to say "Me too!" but they weren't quite there yet. Of course, they weren't actually trying, but they weren't preventing either. It's great to have a friend close by to go through pregnancy with these next 7-8m.

E came a bit later and an awkward situation came up. BIL was taking with his step-son about his "new cousin" that will be coming soon. This is exactly what I was worried would happen when telling people. Not them telling other people; them accidentally letting things slip out. I did my best to try to non-nonchalantly get E to join me outside so we could talk. The last thing I wanted was for my news to be blurted out and possibly make her uncomfortable or hurt her. As soon as we were outside, she asked "Who is pregnant? Is it you?" Again, I can't lie when asked directly by people that know what we've been going through and actually care. She was very happy and excited. I'm hoping it was all genuine. I would hate for her to have to put on the fake happy for me. We chatted after everyone else left about how things were going with them. Her Dr gave her a Rx for clomid, and her husband agreed to do a SA if nothing happens this last "natural" cycle. I'm really hopeful that things happen for them super soon. I unfortunately had to send her home with the delicious smelling wine she brought us.

Also, my fantastic husband made, all on his own, his 1st ever cake just for my birthday. It was absolutely delicious!! Great job, babe!

A far too pregnancy-centric post

Happy belated ICLW! I've been a very bad blogger/commenter this go round. There has definitely been a lot going on here, but that really shouldn't be an excuse!

*************

What a whirlwind weekend it was! The reveal to his parents was great! Telling his grandma was good. On a trip to hit the beach for a bit with the PG-friend, filled her in about it. Grandma spilled the beans before we could when his sister and niece came over later on Sunday. PG-SIL and BIL were in disbelief and then excited. The friends watching our Cricket patient for the weekend were surprised, shocked, but happy. Things were good. There were several people that know that we hadn't planned on telling, but thanks to family members, the word was out.

It does seem like the theme for reactions was shock and disbelief at first! Good to know we weren't the only ones dumb-founded! There was far more pregnancy talk than I had expected with the family. I'm not sure why, but I didn't think it would monopolize the conversations all weekend. I guess women that have had kids/been pregnant really like to get all the details about other's pregnancies and symptoms and fill them in on theirs?

Speaking of symptoms, the main ones I'm having are bloating (the jeans have already been unbuttoned!), extreme fatigue to the point that a fell asleep in-the-middle of a conversation, and full-on morning-noon-night sickness. I try not to complain about that one, but it is really hard when nothing makes you feel better and you're at the verge of throwing up, but just not quite there. My foods of choice that don't having me wanting to hurl are the less desirable food groups - fried, greasy, cheesy, salty. I'm sustaining on tacos, enchiladas, tortilla chips, McD hashbrowns, apple juice and attempts with ginger ale.

I have tried all the "tricks" that people have told me - eat before getting out of bed, saltines, ginger ale, always have something on your stomach, protein, starches, what meds to take and when- but all to no real improvement. I don't think it is bad enough to the point to need a Rx for something (yet). I'm just looking for some simple things that can help ease it. I have been informed about a few items that I think are worth checking out - Queasy/Preg drops, sour candies, and pedialyte. Any of you ladies out there have any other good suggestions?!? I'll be asking my Ob about it at my appt on Thursday. I have no problem if I just have to deal with it, but would love it if there was something to ease it a bit. I'm not looking to completely cure it or prevent it, just to bring it down a few notches.

Because I've been feeling so ill, and it is obviously starting to impact my job a bit, I came clean to my boss as well. I didn't want anyone thinking that I'm slacking off when I disappear for stretches of time or just sit at my desk sipping juice or when I come in late or leave early. He was very happy for us, asked if I've told anyone else in the lab (I haven't) and kinda gave me some pointers about what I should and shouldn't do in the lab (which I already knew). He did have to break some confidentiality and fill me in that one of the lab members has Hep B, but he did it with the best intentions. He knows I'd be the 1st person there helping if they got sick or hurt, and he didn't want me to expose "us" to the hazard. He also recommended I give the other PI in the lab a heads up about my delays and breaks, not to tell her I'm pregnant (unless I want to, which I don't) but just to let her know for time/record keeping purposes that I have stuff going on "medically" as he put it.

In other exciting and happy news- I'm an aunt again for the 13th time. PG-SIL went into labor just hours after we left their place on Sunday night, 2 days over her due date. She had feared having to do another cesearian but had given up that the baby was going to decide to come on her own. Surprise! After visiting the 3 of them yesterday evening, her "daydream" of giving birth naturally wasn't quite the glamorous  experience she thought it would be. Apparently, contractions can be really painful, labor can be extremely exhausting, and there is lots of bodily fluids involved. Who knew?!? But everyone is doing well, is healthy, happy, and very tired.

Now, I'm just eagerly awaiting my appt on Thursday and the dinner/get together that the Boy is planning to celebrate my birthday (on Friday, the day after). An then on to telling my family this coming weekend. I need to figure out how we'll be cluing them in!

The Reveal (#1)

Things were a bit crazy yesterday, and I didn't have a chance to do anything computer related (read, comment, etc) until this morning, since yesterday morning.Thank you all again so much for the fantastic and touching comments! I appreciate all you ladies greatly!

After an uneventful, nice, easy drive to the coast, we arrived at the IL's house around 8:30pm. We unload our bags and the dog, set up in the guest room and then settle down to do the hellos and to catch up.

When they asked how things were going with us, we replied good and told them about my promotion and all. They were really happy and excited about that. Then, it was time to move onto the big news!

"We decided to get you guys a belated Mother's day gift and an early Father's day gift. We hope you like it."

MIL takes out the card and starts to read it. Yada, yada, yada... "2 grandbabies? Wait, what?"

I sit down on the ottoman in front of her and pull out the u/s print out with our little white glob of a baby.

"Oh wow! Oh, boy! How far along are you? When's the baby due? Congratulations!" I almost started crying with happiness. The reaction from her just reading the card was more than I could have hoped for! They hadn't even thought to pull the gifts out of the bag after reading the card for a while. They loved the bibs and informed me that they had never received a gift for someone-else's baby. We are nowhere near a first for anything else grandchild related (#10 - 5 boys, 4 girls, 1 unknown(; ) so it was nice to be able to do something for them that they'd never had before.

MIL asked if she could tell anyone. We want to be the ones to tell immediate family, but she can tell her neighbors and women at church if she'd like, I guess. We told Grandma this morning as we was in bed when we arrived last night. She is very excited about it and keeps telling MIL and FIL about the new grandbaby and asking how many great-grandbabies this makes for her. Later today, we plan to tell our good friends and his sister that also live in town.

Between telling people and the strengthening all-day sickness*, it is starting to feel more real. Plus, I slept through the whole night last night so I have a bit more energy today than I've had most of this week.

Now, to prepare for my appt (and birthday) next Thursday and telling my side of the family next weekend...



*It's a love/hate relationship right now. I love that I have it, but it is reassuring that things are still going on in there, that there is high levels of hCG coursing wildly through my veins. I would rather it not be ALL.DAY.LONG. I haven't had difficulty with things "returning", but my body doesn't seem to enjoy healthy foods as much as it does things like McD's hasbrowns, tacos, enchiladas, pizza, and bacon.

Movin' on Up

So the promotion my boss put me up for has been approved. It finally made it through all the loops and hurdles, from the bottom to the top. My boss really outdid himself in getting things through all the right channels and saying the right things to keep it moving along.

I'm officially a Research Associate now.

There was a little bit of a pay raise he threw in there as well. That took even more cajoling. I was really surprised that he was able to pull that part off as the State is currently on a pay freeze/raise freeze. That part will take effect in June.

*******

Tomorrow after work, we'll be heading down to the coast to visit the Boy's folks and some friends. Today, we picked up a "I love my Grandma"  and "I love my Grandpa" bibs. I wrapped them up with a card in a gift bag. The card reads " Don't forget to stop and smell the flowers" on the front. On the inside, I wrote "Things look like they are going to get pretty busy with 2 grandbabies on the way!  Love C, C and Baby W (arriving ~1/11/12)."

I can't wait to tell them and see their reactions. I had a brief convo with my MIL on the phone the other day to make sure that we were still ok to come down. She asked how things were "going" and I had to fib a bit. I didn't want to just tell her over the phone on lunch when we'd be down there in a few days. I hope she can forgive my little lies and omissions!

I can't wait to tell our friends down there as well. The lady friend told me very early on about her pregnancy (just before I found out about that 1st +hpt) and has asked about things and checked in on us periodically these last few months. She responded beautifully when I told her about the miscarriage and everything else.

Maybe telling others close to us, with them expressing their joy and happiness, will allow me to do the same?

A whole new meaning for "pregnancy brain!"

I came across this awesome photo on a demotivational poster site. I hunted up an actual pic that I could share with ya'll... I still can't get over the similarity!

Maybe are girl parts are a residual, primitive brain? Maybe it is also the center of an infertile's "aggression" to smug fertile/pregnant women? Either way it is really funny!

Heart and Soul

Last night was one of the longest nights of my life. I haven't been sleeping well to begin with, but the fact that I couldn't turn my brain off only made it way worse. After waking up at 6am, I just laid there and enjoyed resting against my slumbering husband.

In a surprise turn of events, we were both ready early, made it to the appt early, and got called back early! The boy got to witness the fantasticness that is the RE office wardrobe and Senor Wando.

But ya'll aren't here for all that. Ya'll want the news. The 411. The full scoop. Or whatever they are calling it these days...

There is a gestational sac, a yolk sac and a little blob-baby in there.

AND A FREAKIN' HEARTBEAT!

We weren't able to hear it but could see the rapid little flicker of it on the screen. I was measuring at 5w6d +/-2d, so right on target for being 6w by calculations today. Since everything looked great and there was a heartbeat, I've been released back to my OB. My 1st appt there with a nurse for the full work-up is next Thursday. I can't think of any better present for my 28th birthday! The following week, I go back and have an u/s and appt with 1 of the Drs as they do a rotation.

I'm not going to lie. I teared up* a bit seeing that little white flutter on the screen. And have been still each time I look at the u/s print out. It is too surreal feeling still, but I can't ignore the surge of emotion I'm feeling towards that little blip on the screen...We are all set and prepared to tell the parents - we'll be visiting his this weekend (if PG-SIL doesn't go into labor, then they'll be up here) and then mine next week/end.

I think I might be getting strange looks for repeatedly pinching myself...


*Edit: I think the only reason I didn't have full-blown, streaming tears and the works is that it doesn't feel or seem real. I think I'm in either denial or shock.

On Pins and Needles!

I promise this isn't another PIO post! (I'm doing well with those, except for some mild sciatic nerve compression from the tissue irritation. I'll live).

All I can think about today was tomorrow morning. Almost all Sunday, I spent the day on the couch (feeling a bit cruddy and tired, gracias!) googling everything I could about embryonic development at 6wks, 6wk ultrasounds, and when the heart beat can typically be seen and/or heard.

I would be over the friggin' moon if we heard the heartbeat tomorrow. It is not something I've ever been exposed to, except through TV, movies or the internet. I've never had the pleasure of being in the room when a sonogram or u/s of that nature is given. I will be overjoyed if we get to see the heartbeat flickering on the screen if it can't be heard. I'll be thrilled to see the baby is growing on target.

More than anything, I'll be happy just to know that there is a baby alive in there.

I am truly blessed to have as amazing a husband as the Boy is. He couldn't take the day off, but he told his bosses that he would be in late. He is adamant about making this appt with me. I don't know if I could stand it for him not to be there. Good or bad, we are going to be there together tomorrow, holding hands, supporting one another.

Tomorrow is a full moon. They have always been my fertile time and have been kind to me in general. I'm hoping that holds.

** I'll update everyone how things went tomorrow morning after I get home from work. I won't have the opportunity to bring my lap, so won't be able to share the news until the evening. **

How's this for new crazies?

There is apparently no making an infertile woman happy!

I went to use the restroom a bit ago after feeling a little gush and thinking I've wet myself or started bleeding, etc. I get in there an realize that no, it's just another gob of creamy CM. And that's when the craziest thought struck me...

I miss the changes in my CM throughout my cycle. I miss the "dry" season. More than anything, I miss seeing the EW. The rush and excitement that clear, snotty mucus brought with it! Man... I never in a million years thought I'd long for the days of "CM roulette"!

Another piece of IF crazy hanging around - I still check my CP periodically. I don't know why exactly, but it's like instinct sometimes!

I think I'm approaching certifiable here!

Pendulous

I first want to thank all of you for your kind words of hope and encouragement! I've been going back and reading them again and again any time I've been feeling a bit melancholy or pessimistic. Right now, ya'll are the only people that know other than the Boy and the PG friend that had a m/c and shares my 1st due date. It is the best feeling to know that there are so many people that I can turn to right now that understand practically everything I'm experiencing right now and have either advice or sweet words to offer. Thank you, thank you, thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart!


Life is a bit like a pendulum right now. Swinging from one thing to another, back and forth. I go from thinking everything will work out just fine this time to waiting for it all to end in the blink of an eye. Some days, I can't help but marvel at the changes that are/could be occurring within me right then and there. Other days, I still feel the immense distrust and frustration at my body. I don't know if it is actually doing its job this time or if it is just keeping the rouse up so I don't beat it again.

I want to make plans and think of the future with the zeal that the Boy is starting to experience and wants to share. We are thinking of telling just the parents at some point shortly after the u/s on Tuesday, if all is well. By we, I mean him. I really would feel much better waiting until after the 2nd u/s at ~8wks or even after the 1st trimester. I don't think that is fair to our parents though.

There are instances this week where I've realized that I've been daydreaming of what the u/s would be like. Keep in mind that my only experience with u/s have been to place my IUD and to scan for follicles. In my head, I'm seeing us going in, my husband holding my hand. We see and hear (not too likely at 6wks, I know) the heartbeat and see the baby moving around. The Drs and nurses are super happy for us. We hold each other crying tears of joy and disbelief. Unfortunately, there have been an equal number of times that I've had day-mares that we go for the u/s and there's absolutely nothing there or the start of a baby that stopped.

I also find myself willing and wishing time away for Tuesday to arrive ASAP. And at the same time, I'm strangely enjoying the time that I can at least pretend to naively hope and think that things are perfect and there is a fantastic, happy, healthy baby (or 2) in there, swimming around. Those moments are fleeting, but are probably some of the happiest times I've had in quite a while, in all honest.

For now, I'm ok with being 50/50 and straddling the fence on the turn out. There is nothing I can do to sway things one way or the other, so there is little use in fretting over it all so much. I'm doing my best to find the joy and peace in each and every one of my symptoms and pregnancy "discomforts" as I have them. I'm happy to feel like a goat or cow and constantly nibbling on things or having 2nd helpings as I always feel hungry. I get a sick sense of pleasure in the onset or heightening of the nausea at the back of my throat. I even smile when I use the bathroom, now twice as often as I use to, and see the CM that falls into the toilet and collects in my underwear. When I can't sleep at night after dreaming of a nap all day, I lay there and listen to my own heartbeat and imagine what could be growing and how it is developing there in my abdomen. I don't mind the soreness in my backside and hips thanks to the 25G, 1.5" needles I have to use each night. Each time I feel the ache, it reminds me what it is all for and seems a measly price to pay for the reward.

I promise to do everything in my powers to continue to feel so blessed with all the "undesirable" things that come with pregnancy. If I even seem to be complaining about any sort of physical discomfort or inconvenience, I absolutely want one of you ladies to smack me around and bring me back to my senses. I completely recognize how amazing ans special a gift I have been given here.

And more than anything, I wish there was something, anything I could do to give that same gift to each and every one of you ladies that have had to go through IF.

Into the Unkown

Today marks the start of a whole new set of experiences for me.

At this point last time, it was the start of the end. Negative beta. Bleeding. 5wks was the end.

Tomorrow is unfamiliar territory. 5w1d. Something's been burrowed in for the last 2.5wks now. It is just too surreal and feels completely UNreal.

I've been debating of getting a walk-in beta draw this week at the RE's office. Just something to tide me over and give me reassurance until next Tuesday. But to be honest, my blood levels aren't going to tell me anything my body already hasn't. Increasing levels with great doubling rates, don't guarantee a baby developing or a heartbeat.

To appease myself, I took the last digital I had. The last hpt in the whole house. Last time, the word I expected to appear did, but so did the word I had hoped wouldn't. This time, the 2nd digi said just that one lovely word. It didn't take it long to make its decision either. And in my neurosis, I busted that test apart after to see what the lines looked like. Complete desperation. There was thankfully only the faintest of control lines.

The great line, the reassuring physical symptoms, the erratic appetite, and urgency of urination. I wish I could say these all make me feel happy and optimistic each day. Sadly, while I do take comfort in them, they don't completely ease my fears that this may meet the same unfortunate end as the previous.

Maybe it could be a blighted ovum. Maybe the baby stopped developing. I'm so fearful that there isn't a baby anymore but my body is carrying on like everything is honky-dory regardless.

The Boy is starting to think of plans and scheduling to tell the parents and things to do around the house before the baby arrives.

I'm counting down the hours until next Tuesday at 8:30a.

6 days, 11 hours, 21 minutes.

The Power of Definitions

Mother - [muhth-er]

1. a female who has given birth to offspring

2. one's female parent.

3. a mother-in-law, stepmother, or adoptive mother.

 

That is the dictionary's definition of a mother.  It that the only correct answer? Does a "mother" have to have a human child to meet this definition?

"What Is a Mother? A mother is someone to shelter and guide us,
To love us, whatever we do,
With a warm understanding and infinite patience,
And wonderful gentleness, too.
How often a mother means swift reassurance
In soothing our small, childish fears,
How tenderly mothers watch over their children
And treasure them all through the years!
The heart of a mother is full of forgiveness
For any mistake, big or small,
And generous always in helping her family
Whose needs she has placed above all.
A mother can utter a word of compassion
And make all our cares fall away,
She can brighten a home with the sound of her laughter
And make life delightful and gay.
A mother possesses incredible wisdom
And wonderful insight and skill -
In each human heart is that one special corner
Which only a mother can fill!
                         - Katherine Nelson Davis "

To me, a mother is someone who cares and loves for another living thing. A person who nurtures, supports,  comforts, and tends to others. One can "mother" a pet, a husband, a friend, a business, an idea, a passion. A child does not have to have passed through your vaginal canal for a woman to give birth to something.

To be a mother, there doesn't have to a human child in your arms or in your body. If the love for a child is in your heart, you are a mother.

I am wishing everyone a Happy Mother's day. Whether with us currently, too briefly, or still  waiting to be conceived, we all have children in our heart. And that is where true mothers lie.

*****************

And while on the topic of definitions, what is "infertile"?  The Boy got me thinking on this the other day. Can I technically be considered infertile? I've managed to get pregnant twice in 4m, and both prior to the 1yr TTC mark.

No where does it say that infertility is the inability to get and/or stay pregnant, with or without medical intervention. It is usually determined by age and length of time. No where does it talk about reproductive disorders equating to infertility, such that conditions X, Y, or Z will complicate or prevent conception and pregnancy.

Neither I nor the Boy meet the "accepted" definition of infertility, even through we both have our own individual issues in the baby-making/keeping department. If we hadn't been proactive, I doubt either pregnancy would have occurred. We'd still be here, 11m later not sure why things haven't happened. Wasting month after month, not knowing we had 0.01% chance of any success each cycle.

Am I actually "infertile"? I don't know, but I can identify with the IF community far more than with the general TTC or pregnant population. I have the same fears, concerns, and hopes as all of you. I lack the comfort, innocence, and naivety of conception and pregnancy that the large majority of women get to experience. I may be pregnant today, but tomorrow still looms large and imposing. There is still 8m between now and the possibility of bringing a child home. So much can happen in the blink of an eye, let alone 8m. I can't even begin to think of myself as fertile until I'm holding that baby in my arms, safe at home...

The new PIO plan

I just wanted to post here briefly on my new, improved and oh-so-much-better PIO shot strategy.

1) - Draw up the PIO into the syringe and then change to the smaller needle.
2) - Sit on the heating pad on which ever side I'll be sticking. Let my but and the PIO in the syringe warm up.
3) - Give the shot (the easy part, really). Rub, rub, rub the injection site with the piece of gauze for quite a while.
4) - Apply the heating pad to the appropriate side again and just roast my buns a bit for about 5-10min.
5) - Drag out my hand-held heat/massager. Massage for a few minutes.

The last 2 nights, this has resulted in far, far less rear-end soreness. There is still some there, but minor compared to the 1st several nights. I can sit down, stand up and all teh in-betweens without it hurting or being uncomfortable.

Sure, the whole process takes about twice as long, but in the end (*rimshot*), my kiester is thanking me. Definitely worth it! And again, I would do this 10x a day if I had to if it guaranteed this baby stays and arrives happy, healthy, in 35.5 more weeks.

PIO is becoming a PITA

I need some help here.

I've been giving myself my PIO shots for the last 2 nights. The shots themselves don't hurt and are pretty easy to give, etc. I massage the site quite a bit directly after and used a heating pad on it last night for about 15min.

The real issue I have is soreness later that evening and the next day. I don't have any lumps in the muscle. It's just really really sore and stiff feeling like when you push yourself a bit more during exercising.

Is there anything I can do for this soreness? I continued to massage the offending areas yesterday and this morning, but they still ache.

Any and all suggestions and tips would be fantastic!

Update: I'm trying the shots w/o icing before (as I saw recommended elsewhere). Instead, I heated a touch beforehand. Also, I found my heated massager, so I'll be giving that a try here after the heating pad. Thanks for all the commiseration!

Faster than a Speeding Sperm

I came across this article a few weeks ago and have been meaning to share it with all you ladies.

If you thought the Uterus pinata was great, you will LOVE this!

Introducing the Sperm Cycle!

The latest in Sperm transport

How fantastic is that! In the head is a cooler to hold the frozen sperm being transported.

Now that's keeping a cool head!

It's not all fun and games for this bike, but I still think it is hilarious! I don't know what I'd do if I saw this thing being pedaled around my city! I wonder if the fertility center it is based out of is shaped like an egg...

I'm a Hot Shot!

Tonight, I gave myself my 1st ever PIO injection. I have to say, the build-up and the Boy's reaction were far worse than the shot itself. I got the whole 1cc in fairly quickly, zero pain, no soreness (as of now, 5min later). And here I thought it was going to be a pain in the rear! [Update: No bruising today, but man does my backside feel a bit sore! Kinda like when you bump into something without realizing it. Good news is there is no "knot" formed under the skin, just a touch stiff and sore and a little dot from the needle.]

I think the shots will be a walk-in-the park compared to my worries and fears as things move forward from here.

I'm starting to let myself think and feel a bit more optimistic about this one.

This is going to be the longest 2ww of my life!

*********

Thank you all for the congratulations, support and encouragement! I think I'm slowly letting myself be optimistic about things this time around...

Blown Away...

I had my follow-up beta draw this morning at 8:30a. New/different nurse, and the lab was slower than usual.

I get a call back at 10am with my results. Totally blown away with the rapid turn around there!

Progesterone is holding steady at 17. I'll be starting the injections this evening. Wish my behind luck!

As for the hCG, well... it went up.

Up to 221.8 to be exact. Does that seem really really, really, high to anyone else? That's a doubling time of 30hrs. I'm a bit freaked at that rate! I'm very happy but a bit surprised to say the least!

I've scheduled my 1st u/s on May 17th at 8:30am. We'll seen then if it is just one very healthy baby or 2 of them snuggled in there.

Holy *%#@$* !! I'm pregnant...

Weekend Round-up

What a weekend!

Thank you everyone for you suggestions about meeting with my friend E. I decided to go and just see how things went. We decided to make it dinner as well so that was a bit of a releif.

We meet around 7pm after I dropped the Boy off at a friend's house for a bit of a "Guy's Night" as it was on the way. I grab a table and wait for her to arrive. I order a water and sip on it a bit while waiting... She arrives. We hug. She orders a water and a beer. "Do you want anything else to drink?" No thanks, I'm good with water for now. (Crisis averted!) So we start by jumping right into how long we've both been trying, etc. I felt awful for her after hearing they started trying the month before we did, but haven't been protecting since their wedding 4yrs ago, just withdrawing. I was shocked that they didn't have any "accidents" or "scares" in that whole time.

Her Dr won't do any testing until they've been "trying" for a year even though she knows that E is turning 34, has a history with hypothyroidism (crazy, right?) and hasn't used any form of birth control in almost 5yrs now. How absurd! She was just as sympathetic with our story. She asked lots of questions about the types of treatments we've done and what we might have to do, etc. She about jumped over the table from joy when I told her we miraculously had a positive test in January, only to miscarry. She squeezed my hand and offered condolences.She was just wonderful through it all! I almost wanted to come out and tell her that I've just found out I'm pregnant again, but honestly, I don't want to have to tell very many people if it doesn't work out again.

I lent her my copy of "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" to help her with charting, which she just started doing a bit in December/January and pointed her towards Fertility Friend and a place to buy fertility supplements and tests cheap. We talked about how we've felt through these experiences and how the guys have reacted and dealt with things as well as some of the crazy things we've done or thought of doing.

It was so fantastic to just sit and talk with someone in person that completely got it! I also loved that I could impart all the IF knowledge and dispelled some misconceptions she thought were true. She has a follow-up with her Dr on May 16th. I told her to take a stand. Be her own advocate. It's been 11mo, she's approaching "advanced maternal age", and nothing as of yet. If she is ready to start testing, her Dr should be on board by now. I also suggested that she get her DH checked by his Dr. She was all for it, but not sure how eager he would be.

It was totally serendipitous that any of this happens as she rarely checks FB and just happened to do so the week I'm participating in NIAW?!

I also hung out with other friends last night for one of the girl's birthdays. Generally, that involves eating, watching movies and drinks. I was on a roll with my drink avoidance! When offered a drink - "I want to eat some food first." or "I'm good with water for now." When asked why I wasn't drinking - either "We have to get up early in the morning." or "I don't really feel like a drink right now."

I did happen to have a bit of spotting while at their place, before bed last night and a touch this morning. My heart sank initially, but it wasn't and isn't red, just kind of pinkish brown. I'm playing it off in my head as normal early pregnancy spotting and could just be because this is when I would be due for my period. I've decided to take things a bit easy today and not do any lifting or strenuous work, though. The Boy isn't super happy about me ditching out on my chores around the house, but he's understanding about it.

Continuing on my neurotic reassurance, I've been testing everyday. This morning's test is by far my favorite. Not only is it not first morning (Thanks dogs for the 6:45 wake-up call), but I didn't have to force myself to hold it to test (Thank you early morning nap!).

Some how I have to make sure I sleep tonight. I've been anxiously awaiting and obsessively thinking about Monday morning's beta draw all weekend. That and when my earliest u/s would be if it all looks good.

I also received my PIO yesterday. I had to run to the FedEx office 20min away to collect it because, of course, the delivery guy came the 1hr we were out grocery shopping. I'm psyching myself up for the shots and have been watching videos online about how to give them. I'm pretty excited about not taking the suppositories any more!