Saturday, July 16, 2011

Spilling the Beans, all over the floor

I did it.

I took the plunge and announce this pregnancy to the work folks. I went back and forth on the best way to do it. Email? In person for each person? Just randomly bring it up? Just show up wearing clothes that show off my barely-there belly? Just keep waiting until it is obvious to everyone?

The email thing wouldn't work because, well, everything sent/received through work email is publicly accessible. I'd feel weird knowing some random person is aware of my pregnancy and I don't even know they exist. I really almost went with the wait until even a blind person could tell I was pregnant, but these people are also friends. That would be a bit hurtful to me if I was them.

Then, technology epiphany. The one time social networking is beneficial in sharing news discreetly. Enter the FB private message. I lumped them all together in a message, so everyone would be told theoretically at the same time. It went like this - "I figured it was about time to fill you all in if you haven't already figured things out. Boy and I are happy to announce that we are expecting. We haven't gone fully public with this news just yet, so I would greatly appreciate it if no one posts anything about it just yet on my wall (or mention things at work in the presence of others)." Simple, straight-forward, and drives home the fact that I don't want everyone and their mother being told about it.

I wrote that up yesterday morning and enter the next dilemma. Do I send it now before work or wait until it's the weekend, and I don't have to see anyone until Monday? After agonizing over the when for about 5min, I just hit send. I pulled up my Big Girl Underwear (tm), just freaking sent it and headed off to start the work day.

I'm not even in the lab for 10min when one of the grad students run up to me and exclaims how excited and happy she is for us, how great the news is, "Congrats", and gives me a big hug.

In front of the other PI in the lab, who I was going to tell in person later that day.

Que me being utterly flabbergasted and caught unawares. I could barely mutter a "thanks". I could see and feel the PI watching and wondering what the heck was going on there. So, awkward convo #1. I had to go over and tell her right then or avoid her until later. She has suspicions it was something like that since my earlier chat about having a "medical issue" and needing lots of Dr appts. Thankfully, she's British and things like that aren't asked until the info is volunteered. She was very happy for us and understanding about things.

Next came the 2 other Research assistants in the lab that obviously hadn't checked FB that morning. To prevent another super awkward situation like the last one, I told them 1 at a time. Apparently, they both also had suspicions. I'm not sure how the new girl picked up on my behavior changes as they started pretty much when she did. It was uncomfortable telling people in person to say the least. I don't really like discussing things like that, especially not in a professional environment. So I pretty much said just that and how I don't need any special treatment or considerations in my abilities at this time. If there is something I don't feel safe or comfortable doing, I will let someone know and delegate that task to another lab member.

It was a bit funny, though, as some of them thought that my new shirts and sweater that I got back around the same time as I found out were "indicators" of my condition. Completely coincidental. I just needed new shirts and the sweater was to replace my aging hoodies, which were old and a bit informal for my new title in the lab.

It was nice to not have to play things off as something else or avoid answering questions. Now, I can chug my apple juice without curious stares or hide in the back corner of the lab waiting for a bout of nausea to pass. I did get some criticism on waiting so long. Most were shocked to learn that I am almost 15w. They were thinking a lot earlier on than that!

Awkward convo#2 was done over text message. One of the grad students was out of town but wanted to congratulate me. She "knew" something was up and had a "hunch" it was that I'm pregnant. Somehow, she knew it has been a rough year for us. That somehow, I'm 99.99% sure, is the now ex-co-worker that was on maternity leave, after accidentally getting pregnant with her boyfriend and not realizing it for a month or 2, before leaving the lab. She was the only one that knew we were undergoing treatment and about the miscarriage. Otherwise, this year has been really good to us. Oh well. People talk. A lot. It actually reassured me that waiting was the right decision. At least now, I'm getting comfortable in my status, so if word spreads, I'll be better able to handle it now than before.

As for other good, but not super close friends: the Boy was in-charge of his friends since college. He sent them text messages. They were surprised but happy for us. Of course, they joked about him being a dad and how I was a brave, brave woman to bear his offspring. Another group of friends will be informed this evening when we attend a cookout/bonfire hosted by our friends that are just a week or 2 behind me in her pregnancy. The surprise, not-trying-not-preventing ones that told us on my Bday. It should be interesting.

Here's hoping this doesn't mean I'll be getting bombarded by baby-talk from all directions. I don't want to become just what is going on in my abdomen in all facets of my life. Sigh. The word is out, and there is no going back now.


  1. Good for you! I'm still awful about telling people my news too. At work I've only actually told 3 people, most other people are hearing it through the grapevine which is working out good for me anyways. I know I should try to actually tell other people, because it seems kind of rude not to, but like you said, it's really awkward.

  2. So happy for you that you spilled the beans!!! I know it's tough to do, but sometimes you have to take a deep breath, and take the plunge. Nice work!

  3. I think this is awesome! Start enjoying this, just a little. For me, ok? :-)

  4. Sounds like you had a great plan going in and executed it brilliantly. I wish I was able to be as balanced in my approach as you have been. I love going through this journey with you, as you always have such great ideas.