** Initially written 01/15/11**
Since July, there has always been one special time each month, where I get so excited and am beyond optimistic that this is it, this is the month. Ovulation. The big O. I'm not sure if it is the crazy surges of LH or estrogen or endorphins from the accompanying physical activities that occur at this time, but I'm just bursting with hope and possibility each time it comes around. The weeks loom before me. Which will it be? Will I see red or will I see that glint of pink on that white background? So much hope, so much anticipation over the slightest of lines on a strip of paper, a piece of paper that I pee on.
So here I am again. Ovulation. Except this time, I don't even know when it was exactly. There is a 3 day range where my fertility signs all point to fertile and possible O, but not my temps. You see, I've been horrible about temping this cycle. I've decided to stop temping after I'm confident that I've ovulated so I can start taking my progesterone supplements, as well as during my period b/c they are usually all over the place until I start to approach O. Well, on top of being a bit out of practice, I've been sleeping horribly. Tossing and turning all night. Alternating between hot and cold. This makes my temperature not remotely accurate. I've also been extremely fatigued and out of it when I wake up in the morning, sometimes to the point of sleeping through my alarm even. This makes my temps not reliable b/c of time discrepancies.
The one time I decide to be lax with temping and not to bother with any ovulation prediction tests is the one time in the past 8 cycles that it would really make any difference. Surprisingly, as frustrating as that all is, I'm not wholly concerned about it. Sure, I need to know that I have actually ovulated for the progesterone bit, but a day early or a day late won't have any grave impacts. We got busy when we felt like it rather than because I was fertile and we didn't want to "waste the opportunity." This is usually more frequent around my fertile time anyways, thanks to the libido boosting powers of estrogen. Regardless of when O was, our "bases" are covered, so now it is onto the "dreaded" 2 week wait (which is actually more like 10-12d for me thanks so much to the med regimen I'm on).
On top of the mystery of my egg's release date, weird things have been occurring physically as well. No ovulation pains to signal the ovum's escape from its follicle. No crazy acne outbreak (yet). Unusual cramping, bubbly sensations inside my right hip bone has been entertaining me as well as super *fun* tenderness in my twins. One day they felt like they were on fire. The next, you'd think I was locked in a meat locker and sporting 2 temperature buttons. And now, they are just a bit sensitive. Sensitive to hot, cold, pressure, and touch. It's not painful, just annoying.
If I had to sum up the last week with regards to my body in one single word, baffling is at the top of my list. Make that 2, no 3 words- baffling, optimistic, and hopeful. Hopeful that even though I have no clue what the heck my body is thinking right now, I'm optimistic enough to hold out on the possibility that in less that 2 wks, I too may be joining the ranks of women who have peed on a stick and seen that glorious faint hint of a 2nd line.