Sunday, January 30, 2011

The worry has fully set in.

I'm just about to head in for the night. It's not even 10pm here, and I'm exhausted even though I woke up at 8:30a and had a 2.5hr nap at 2pm. I have my 2nd beta blood draw tomorrow and I'm very worried and anxious about those numbers!

You see, I fell into the POAS trap. Pee on a Stick. I took my last FRER test this morning. Waited and waited, but only the control line came up. I hold my pee for the next 3hrs, with great effort, I might add, and take my last preg test in the house, that ClearBlue digital. And I wait and wait and wait. It said NOT pregnant. At this point, I'm freaking out and thinking that I've had a chemical pregnancy and will miscarry at any moment. I'm almost hysterical and sending emails and posting comments and going through tissues. Thing is that all my symptoms are still here, still very, very present. I've had ZERO bleeding or spotting, and hardly any CM since last Wednesday.

Thankfully, I talked to the Boy and he tells me to just try not worry, I'm probably blowing things out of proportions and there are so many other explanations for the tests' lack of acknowledgment of my pregnancy this morning. I'm going to try and be as positive and hopeful as I can through out tomorrow, but it will probably be one of the longest days of my life, waiting from 8am until that fateful call in the afternoon. Somehow, I have to be focused at work during this. Somehow, I have to not be so anxious and spastic tomorrow while waiting. Somehow, I will have to find a way to contain either my utter distress and heartbreak or my absolute joy and excitement as I'm trying not to tell people yet.

Please say a few prayers or send good, positive vibes my way that my hCG has at least reached 100. If it is higher than that and everything looks good, I'll be sending out the biggest, bestest internet hugs you've ever pretended you had!

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