The dreaded "M" word

Miscarriage.

The worst word a woman can hear if they are pregnant. I can't really express my emotions at this point because, well, there are so many of them and I'm still in a bit of disbelief and shock. All I know is it feels like being punched in the gut and having your heart ripped from your chest. All I know right now is I've never been this relieved to have to sit in a dark room for hours. I'm not sure how, but at some point today, I will have to leave the dark, comforting solitude of the microscope room and actually interact with people without falling to pieces. I can't imagine how much harder this would have been if I didn't secretly prepare myself for this before?

Edit: I'm an emotional wreck. I though the Xanax and wine would at least help in numbing the anguish, but alas, no luck there. I'm just thrilled to know that my RE is glad that this is a step in the right direction and shows that at least we are able to conceive. That completely helps ease the heartache of knowing that the life that was growing inside me for 6 short days will soon be expelled from my body like a bad memory. I know eventually I'll heal and be ready to move on, but right now I'm mourning. Mourning the loss of a life that will never be, but meant the world to me.