Monday, January 31, 2011

The dreaded "M" word


The worst word a woman can hear if they are pregnant. I can't really express my emotions at this point because, well, there are so many of them and I'm still in a bit of disbelief and shock. All I know is it feels like being punched in the gut and having your heart ripped from your chest. All I know right now is I've never been this relieved to have to sit in a dark room for hours. I'm not sure how, but at some point today, I will have to leave the dark, comforting solitude of the microscope room and actually interact with people without falling to pieces. I can't imagine how much harder this would have been if I didn't secretly prepare myself for this before?

Edit: I'm an emotional wreck. I though the Xanax and wine would at least help in numbing the anguish, but alas, no luck there. I'm just thrilled to know that my RE is glad that this is a step in the right direction and shows that at least we are able to conceive. That completely helps ease the heartache of knowing that the life that was growing inside me for 6 short days will soon be expelled from my body like a bad memory. I know eventually I'll heal and be ready to move on, but right now I'm mourning. Mourning the loss of a life that will never be, but meant the world to me.


  1. I know that no words can take away your pain right now, but please know how sorry I am. I will keep you in my thoughts and am always here to support you however I can.

  2. I am so very sorry Christina. I wish there words to earse even a small bit of your pain. Just know we are all here for you whenever you need.

  3. I know there is nothing I can say to melt away the pain and anguish you are feeling. But I do hope that this community can help prop you up and give whatever support you need. There was a quote I ran across that said comments are the new hug. Know that you getting a lot of virtual hugs right now!

  4. I am so sorry for your loss of your much-loved and desperately wanted little baby. Keeping you in my thoughts.

  5. im so very very sorry - as someone who was ttc for 11 years and had countless miscarriages, i know all too well what youre feeling.

    sending you big hugs


  6. I am sorry for your loss, I am sending you a big hug.