I'm happy and sad.
A friend and former student in the lab just filled us in that she's expecting. I'm very happy for her and her husband. She was probably my closest work friend.
Unfortunately and coincidentally, her due date was my due date. Cue the tears. I'd be 14wk right now. I hadn't thought about that for a few days until she mentioned how far along she is.
I decided to talk to her and get the details. Turns out she actually had a very early miscarriage (most likely a chemical pregnancy) a few months back. That pregnancy was a surprise, but made them realized they wanted to start their family. Cue more tears. I hate that she had to go through that as well. Especially as it was right after she moved from here to back north, starting a new job and buying a house. So many sources of stress, she didn't need a m/c on top of it all.
I'm sad for her. Sad for me. Happy for her. Sad for me. This is the 1st pregnancy announcement that I've had to deal with since my m/c. My emotions about it are so conflicted and I don't know which are the real ones and which are the ones I only think I should be feeling. I'm so confused...
I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. It is terrible that your friend had to experience an m/c. If there can possibly be an upside to such a sad situation, it is that your friend should be really understanding as you take care of yourself and your needs throughout her pregnancy. Again, I am really sorry.
ReplyDeleteThat's such a hard position to be in. It's completely normal to be happy and sad at the same time. But, I really do think that with some more time to absorbe it, you'll start to feel better about this...
ReplyDeleteI assume your friend doesn't know about your m/c..do you think it would be helpful to talk about it with her?
She's known we've been trying since last summer and even offered to send me the "info" about how to get pregnant, etc that she came across/was given trying to get re-pregnant. I thought it was sweet, but told her that we've been seeing a specialist and all. I told her briefly about the m/c and how we would have had the same due date. It's been a bit of a running joke in the lab that "it's contagious" as co-worker after co-worker conceived. I told her that is unfortunately one thing that I can't seem to catch and keep, and she gave me a virtual hug.
ReplyDeleteShe was very empathetic about the m/c and our struggles. I had some happy tears when she said she knew there had to be a mini-me soon and how great a mom she knows I'll be when it does happen. I really do miss her too, so that could be part of it as well.
Of course you're conflicted and confused! It's hard to hear a pregnancy announcement, especially when her due date corresponds with yours. Oh that's heart wrenching! But to hear her story, you also have compassion for her given her background. All I know is it's hard to hear about pregnancies - no matter what. Sending you a hug...
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