Mine have been a bit jumbled the last several days. I'm a hot emotional mess.
I see something cute or sweet online or in a movie/show - tear up.
I read a touching blog post - tear up.
I read/see good news - tear up.
Bad news - same.
If it can elicit an emotional response from a living being - tear up.
There aren't really raging hormones for me to blame it on as I haven't taken any hormonal supplements yet this cycle. Maybe it's just the accumulation of lots of little things?
Cricket had her pre-op blood work and radiographs today, surgery tomorrow, and pick-up on Friday afternoon. That's 3 days without my cuddle-bug. The post-maternity leave co-worker decided to resign, but bumped up her last day to tomorrow. There's some finance stuff I'm concerned/worried about. And of course the obvious, infertility struggles and sensitivities there.
Apparently, write this post - tear up. I'm not sure what is up with me. Almost every trip to the ladies' room, I'm on the verge of tears in the stall. No reason. I find myself zoning out at work a lot more frequently these last few days, but no clue where my mind goes.
When I take some time and try to be introspective and try and sort through my feelings and emotions and what is their cause, all I come away with is I'm sad and I don't know why. I mean, sure, I could just take the easiest and obvious and say I'm sad because I'm not pregnant right now. That just isn't it though. It contributes, but not the reason for my blues.
The Boy, poor guy, was a sweetheart today. I sent him a text earlier warning him that I would be an emotional mine field this evening, most likely. I get home and instead of having to make dinner, he has some pizzas in the oven. He also picked me up not 1, but 2 cartons.- one of each of my 2 favorite ice creams at the moment. He even folded the laundry without my nagging him about it.
I'm so good at work "faking it to making it". Unless someone catches me unawares, they generally have no clue if I'm having a rough day or not. At home, I'm completely transparent. I can't seem to paste on the fake smile for the Boy. So all day, the co-workers get psuedo-smiley me, and he just gets mopey-frowny me.
Maybe is should just give in and have a good cry for no apparent, specific reason? I just hate crying. I'm an ugly crier. My nose and eyes go bright red and get swollen. My nose runs like a faucet. My voice gets thick and coarse. That's all within the first little bit. I wish I could say it just happens after a good, long boo-hoo session, but a few sniffles and tears is all it takes for my transformation. Unfortunately, it takes forever for it to settle down and return to normal appearance and any good cry leaves my face and head hurting.
This is not what I had in mind as I approach my (hopefully) fertile phase. It's a bit difficult to seduce a man when it looks like you've been maced, snot is streaming out your nose, and you sound like you just finished a pack of smokes. Plus, the slouchy, comfy clothes that I decide to wear don't have the same allure as lingerie or sexy outfits. Now, I could be convinced to cry more often if it had the same effect on CM and my boobs...