Friday, February 4, 2011

Not so Great Expectations

I'm rather disappointed. Everyone that we've talked with about things recently has been very understanding and supportive. No one offered me advice of what we should and how to do it. Maybe I was expecting too much? I don't even know what I was expecting, but it wasn't what I got.

I called my mom today and he called his. We clued them in that we have been TTC for the past 7mo, have been having several issues and pretty much wrote it off for a while. Then poof, I get pregnant then shortly miscarry. It was a bit awkward, more than a bit actually, but we got the expected "We're so sorry. Are ya'll doing ok?". I even expected them to have a hunch that things were going on in the family making dept with us.

What I did not expect was for both of them to tell us that it will happen when it is meant to happen and not to stress about it or try too hard. After we told them we had been having difficulties, were seeing Drs about it and weren't expecting it to actually happen. At least his mom got it the 2nd time around. Mine still felt the need to tell me about so-and-so who got pregnant after 4yrs and Drs the month that they didn't try and just relaxed. They did, unfortunately, immediately compare it to my sister-IL's miscarriage following her 1st cycle just off birth control, and her low progesterone problems. When the Boy explained that the RE didn't even think we could on our own and IVF was previously our only real option, they asked why we just didn't do that then. Because we don't have $10k just sitting around to pay for the chance of a baby. If we did, our 1 dog would have had her knee surgery by now, the cars would be paid off and we'd have no credit card debt.

I don't know what I was really expecting from them, but I was a bit shocked at what we got. They were all fairly understanding and concerned, but their suggestions and input after that left a lot to be desired. They didn't even seem phased about being the 1st people in real life that we've told about getting pregnant and losing it. It does make me feel better about not telling lots of people that are close to us. If our parents don't quite get it, how likely are friends and other family members? Let's just hope that they can keep to their promises of not discussing it with anyone or continually checking in on our TTC efforts. Fingers Crossed.


  1. Oh this sucks. I'm sorry it didn't go as planned. I'm so sick of hearing about this person and that who got pregnant after... (fill in the blank). All we really want is for people to listen and be a little supportive, right? At least you have your blog, because this is what we're here for! Sending you a hug...

  2. I'm really sorry that you didn't get the response you needed. It never ceases to amaze me how the people who you expect to be your biggest cheerleaders are not, and the ones you least expect to "get it" are sometimes the only ones who do. If I could do all of this all over again, I definitely wouldn't tell as many people as I have. I don't blame them for not knowing what to say, and I've found that sometimes people who don't get it at first will surprise you later. They just need time. When friends have told me they have cancer, I go mute. I say stupid things like "how are you" when I see them. I don't mean to be stupid and insensitive, I am just so overwhelmed, I end up saying the wrong thing. Anyways, I wish the outcome had been different for you. Maybe in time they will come around.

  3. Oh hon it's very common in the infertile world to get these useless cooments. After two years both my mum and mother in law think all i need to do is relax. People say it cause they don't know what else to say and they think us hearing success stories will somehow make us feel better. Just smile and nod and only listen to what you want to. I am so very sorry for your loss.