Thursday, February 3, 2011

Rejoining the Living

Since I came home from work on Monday, I've not once left the house. Heck, I didn't even leave the bed on Tuesday. Wednesday was spent mostly on the couch. Both days were pjs only. Today was the 1st day I actually put on pair of pants, a real shirt, and even a pair of shoes. I actual left the house. It felt really good. I almost feel like a normal person again. The grand occasion was a quick chat with my ever so fantastic boss, who happened to have sent us this yesterday:

The short chat about the uncertainty of my future scheduling, of possible appt and tests, and that things like this week, could possibly and unfortunately happen again, easily became an hour and a half discussion about all sorts of things. How unfortunately common miscarriage is, how I was doing, how the Boy was doing, how his wife dealt with hers, how he dealt with his wife's.

During this, it dawned on me. I'm actually ok talking about it face to face with people that understand. I'm not completely over, but I think I am most definitely well on my to a full emotional recovery. I will never forget the last 10 days of my life, but I have come to a full acceptance of it all. I actually feel like I can join the rest of the world again. Well, at least the rest of the world that isn't going on and on about how precious their newborn is or how fantastic their pregnancy has been and that the nursery is coming along swimmingly. I can actually interact with people in an way that practically resembles normal.

This mean that I will not be helping my sister-in-law paint her nursery this weekend, especially since the helping her paint her son's room was really just me and my brother-in-law painting and her sorting papers in another room or listening to her non-stop ramblings about her pregnancy and the baby. This probably also mean that I won't be attending their Super Bowl get-together on Sunday. Darn.I can't handle being around pregnant or new mom people yet. Besides, I don't want to tell them about any of this because she had a miscarriage and will most likely give me advice on what to do now. Our situations are completely different as she had no problem getting pregnant at all, just a case of low progesterone after 7wks. Not sure how much she would understand that my pregnancy was an almost miracle to begin with and I have already a progesterone issue.

It does mean that I'll be attempting to go to work on Monday. The bleeding is slowing down, the cramps aren't as strong, and I have more energy to actually do things for myself here and there. Maybe I'll even be able to get to some of the house cleaning that has fallen to the wayside the last 2 weeks. There is only 1 major hurdle that I see before me in our path to getting back to normal.

Telling the parents. We feel we have to do it. It's really for our own good. At least this way, if we tell them we were TTC, got pregnant but miscarried, and will be TTC again, they'll stop with the grandkid questions and I won't have to think about our loss each time they bring it up and try to fumble for some excuse or cover. I've found that being upfront and honest has gotten me this far, so I'm hoping that holds up and continues to take care of us.


  1. I found you through LFCA, I'm sorry for your loss.

  2. I love reading your blog Christina, I know what you are saying comes from your own experiences, but so much of it people can relate to. I think it is great that you are taking the time you need to heal one step @ a time. As far as your sister inlaw, why push yourself. I have never had a miscarrige so I can't say I know how you feel, but I have a hard time around new mom's & pregnant woman as it is. It isn't easy to explain, but it's hard to be around people who have what you want so very bad. I think right now you come 1st. As far as your sister inlaw although her situation was very different, I bet she would have also had a hard time around a pregnant happy people so soon after her loss. One day @ a time is all you can do. Sending you lots of good energy & x0x0x0 :)