I've thought about this quite a bit since yesterday. What we define as public and private aspects of our lives. It was initially brought up during our session with the therapist. (I'll give the back story for her at the end of the post.) We were discussing our fertility difficulties, my miscarriage and the various coping mechanisms we were using, well mostly that I've been using. I told her that I had started a blog in January and how I feel it has helped get out a lot of my thoughts and feelings. She commended me for writing these posts and mentioned the irony of how such a private person as myself would put these very private and personal feelings and experiences out into public where everyone could see them. It is almost laughable that we've practically told no one we know in person that we were even TTC and yet I'm broadcasting my miscarriage to the whole world online.
And in other ways, it is still very much private. Sure, the whole world can see what I've written. However, the only ones that actually choose to do so are in the very close-knit world of IF. Individuals that have gone and/or are going through the same or worse difficulties, trying and trying to start or continue their families.
I don't think I have made anything in our TTC journey truly public. I blog here; I participate in a TTC forum, and we have told a very select few friends that we are trying. It took a lot of back and forth for us to even decide to do a full disclosure to the parents yesterday regarding trying, getting pregnant, getting un-pregnant, and continuing trying. I have not made a single reference to any of that on Facebook (other than the secret/private TTC group I'm in) or in emails or any of that.
It's a bit surreal and strange to me to think that I am far more comfortable telling complete strangers these intimate details than some of my closest friends and family. But yesterday fully illustrated why I chose to do so. Ya'll get it. Ya'll understand. I don't feel I have to explain myself or our actions or in-actions to you. You just get it and know and support. There isn't the 20,000 questions, the inane comments and speculation. I'm not telling the whole world about the inner workings of my reproductive organs and hormones, our sex life, and any other issues. I'm telling my fellow non-fertiles, people that have shared the same back with me as well as "the rest of the world".
I agree that I am a very private person and tend to keep most things to myself. I feel that even though I'm putting this all out on the web, it is still being kept private. I'm only telling my closest, most trust-worthy friends. I'm not just telling random people about these things. I'm telling ya'll.
**Therapist info- We started seeing a professional several years ago for couples counseling as we were having some marital troubles and issues. Started out with this male therapist, but he seemed a bit too touch-feely about things and we didn't think we'd make too much progress there. We started seeing our current professional about 2yrs ago, maybe 2.5yrs. She was able to get through a lot of the ugly truths of our problems and serious progress was made. We decided to continue to see her even after the initial issues we went there for were resolved. There is nothing better than just putting everything out there once a month, getting a different perspective on things and using that to continue to grow. She is probably the reason we are still happily married and we probably wouldn't be here or even have contemplated TTC with out her help. She was great in response to our loss and our coping mechanisms for it, and very supportive and excited about our potential future offspring.